My 8yr old stealing and lying all the time.

My son is 8yrs old. we had my stepson come and stay with us about 1 1/2yrs ago, before that my son was not so bad, he was getting into trouble like a normal boy his age should. now he is gone so much worse every week there is something different that he is doing, like stealing money from my purse and lying about it. Eating to much even when he is not hungry, Since my stepson came and lived with us my son has gained about 8kg's.  I also had to change his schools because he was getting into so much trouble at school. At the new school he is also getting into trouble i am at my wits end. I don't know what to do. PLEASE HELP.


This discussion is related to 6-1/2 year old girl, lying and stealing.

[margypops]

How old was the stepson? He cannot eat too much if you dont get the food in so make sure you have lots of healthy snacks in the fridge.What is it he does at school to get into trouble can you give a scenario.

[AnnieBrooke]

I've heard it said on this site by RockRose and cannot agree more, children steal to fill an empty heart.  You've really turned your son's life upside down by including the stepson.  To help fill the void, try to give him more of you, time alone with just you, doing fun things.  Kids aren't like file cards, where you can just tuck them into the folder and assume they will all do fine together no matter how many or few there are.  Give him some individual and fun attention.

[Brooke050870]

I have to say that I am in complete agreement with AnnieBrooke and RockRose, and I couldn't have said it better myself.  I grew up in a step family and basically lived in the same situation that you describe above, only I was one of the children being stolen from.  The person doing the stealing was never really shown any love or kindness, and not only did he steal everything that wasn't nailed down, he gained a ton of weight and ate when he wasn't hungry.  I, too, ate when I wasn't hungry and used food for comfort.  It is a bigger deal than some people think when you turn a child's life around and create a stepfamily.  Make an effort to spend some time with just you and your son...don't let anybody (and I am talking about step-dad and step-brother) interfere with that.

[brendab403]

Thanks Guys, I really appreciate the honesty. And will take the advice to heart, because as you all say my son needs me more than what my stepson does. And my work is moving so that means we are also moving what i would like to know from you should i take my step son with us as he also doesnt want to go. he wants to move back to his mother. but i think i should let him even though he came to us because he was getting into trouble. my sons future is more important right now, not that i saying my step son's is not. But i need to concentrate on my child.

[AnnieBrooke]

If it is OK with your stepson's dad, and OK with his mother, I'd sure seriously consider letting your stepson stay with his mother if he doesn't want to move.  It might solve some problems for your son, and (possibly) your relationship with your husband too, if the situation has caused a lot of stress.  Do you think you are better for the stepson than his mother is?  That would be worth considering, too.

[Lost_in_Children]

I've read the whole thread, I'm curious to know if your step-son steals stuff as well?
I understand he wants to stay with his mother, but is this as a result of life at the moment in your household, as it seems your step sons behaviour was to get attention most likely from Dad. Are your step-son and your son brothers or of not, i ask this as i really did not like the tone of some of the comments, to which the answer to this point would make your decision very difficult regarding taking him out on his own. ( i don't envy you, but understand)  
I live in a household of five children and my step-son is constantly stealing food from us always goodies. We removed all treats from the house, he then went into school and stole money from the tuck tray to buy himself treats at school, he was caught but i'm just trying to paint a picture of the level of thinking that goes into what he is doing its not impulsive as you could explain with treats left out around the house. There's so much he steals In fact, I've had to switch off because i was really getting driven to distraction. I've read the comments by Anniebrooke and Rockrose and it makes me laugh, What do they think came first the constant betrayal of trust and disrespect for their family members or the lack of love? I fully Understand and expect children upto lets say 5 to act on impulse and take goodies if they're left out, its natural and kindda cute you tell them off but not harshly because you expect it. but a child whos 7-8 doing it is not cute at all especially when they know its wrong. @Annie and Rock If this is a parenting issue why are 4 out of the 5 children here NOT stealing food? Why do they ask for what they want?
I'm Not going to say that I'm here overflowing with love for him because i'm not, 2 of the children here are my own and I think of what this is doing to them in so much that I want to spread the love of family i had as a child but, conflicting thoughts of locking cupboard doors and hiding treats like its some sort of hostel.
My step daughter used to do the same she was spoken to on numerous occassions but she never went as far as to steal outside of her own home. If you were to ask my advice back then I would have said set your punishment period for her it was one week at the height of her exploits and that week was a week of NO treats and NO sugar not even on her cereal or tea... then when her ban was finished we gave her a treat and made a point of including her First when handing treats out, then slowly but surely she started asking and initially we said yes, then it was yes but make sure you give some to the others etc etc shes never stolen anything since.
I'd Love to hear from some other parents who have been through this and have found something that works, my own opinion is that some children no matter what prefer the buzz of the stolen pleasure and no matter what you do they are pre-programmed to do it.
Even if your children are now grown and gone, some light at the end of the tunnel is better than the dark abyss that I currently reside within. I'd like top hear from you parents out there HELP!

[Lost_in_Children]

I've read the whole thread, I'm curious to know if your step-son steals stuff as well? I understand he wants to stay with his mother, but is this as a result of life at the moment in your household, as it seems your step sons behaviour was to get attention most likely from Dad. Are your step-son and your son brothers or of not, i ask this as i really did not like the tone of some of the comments, to which the answer to this point would make your decision very difficult regarding taking him out on his own. ( i don't envy you, but understand)  
I live in a household of five children and my step-son is constantly stealing food from us always goodies. We removed all treats from the house, he then went into school and stole money from the tuck tray to buy himself treats at school, he was caught but i'm just trying to paint a picture of the level of thinking that goes into what he is doing its not impulsive as you could explain with treats left out around the house. There's so much he steals In fact, I've had to switch off because i was really getting driven to distraction. I've read the comments by Anniebrooke and Rockrose and it makes me laugh, What do they think came first the constant betrayal of trust and disrespect for their family members or the lack of love? I fully Understand and expect children upto lets say 5 to act on impulse and take goodies if they're left out, its natural and kindda cute you tell them off but not harshly because you expect it. but a child whos 7-8 doing it is not cute at all especially when they know its wrong. @Annie and Rock If this is a parenting issue why are 4 out of the 5 children here NOT stealing food? Why do they ask for what they want?
I'm Not going to say that I'm here overflowing with love for him because i'm not, 2 of the children here are my own and I think of what this is doing to them in so much that I want to spread the love of family i had as a child but, conflicting thoughts of locking cupboard doors and hiding treats like its some sort of hostel.
My step daughter used to do the same she was spoken to on numerous occassions but she never went as far as to steal outside of her own home. If you were to ask my advice back then I would have said set your punishment period for her it was one week at the height of her exploits and that week was a week of NO treats and NO sugar not even on her cereal or tea... then when her ban was finished we gave her a treat and made a point of including her First when handing treats out, then slowly but surely she started asking and initially we said yes, then it was yes but make sure you give some to the others etc etc shes never stolen anything since.
I'd Love to hear from some other parents who have been through this and have found something that works, my own opinion is that some children no matter what prefer the buzz of the stolen pleasure and no matter what you do they are pre-programmed to do it.
Even if your children are now grown and gone, some light at the end of the tunnel is better than the dark abyss that I currently reside within. I'd like top hear from you parents out there HELP!