My 9 year old daughter

I felt like I was the only one with issues till I came on here.  My 9 year old is the oldest of 3, has an 8yr brother, 6 yr old sister.  She is very smart and does well in school academically.  But her attitude stinks.  At home, she just talks very loudly, has a mean streak in her.  Is always calling people, dumb, stupid saying shut up.  Last week at school a classmate had a list of the children in class and my daughter decided to write "S" or "D" next to their name, referring to smart or dumb.  She was disciplined by her teacher and cannot have recess for a week.  The teacher said she noticed within the past few weeks she has stopped participating in class, again but she is very smart.  She likes to hit her siblings for no reason, kicking, wacking etc.  I have thought about taking her to see someone to talk to maybe there is an issue with her, but honestly I feel like those shrinks always blame the parent, but how could my other 2 children be completely fine.  HELP??      

[jdtm]

Sometimes the issues are not just behavioural, but of a psychological/emotional/physical basis.  Some examples would be mood disorders, impulse disorders, anxiety disorders, personality disorders, etc.  "Talking" or therapy can help these type of disorders but that should be only one part of a multi-modal approach that is required when mental health issues are the problem.  Have you considered seeing a child neurologist or a child psychiatrist of a behavioural specialist?  I'm not suggesting this is the "issue" with your daughter, but one can't find a solution without knowing the problem.  By the way, if a mental health disorder is the issue, don't blame yourself as most of these tend to be genetic (although the environment can exacerbate the issue).   All the best ....