My 9 year old daughters behavior

I have a 9 year-old daughter who seems to be going through some behavior issues such as talking back, whining, not wanting to do what we ask her, being bossy, and at times she is rude. I'm told by her teachers, friend’s parents, and neighbors, along with other people and family members that she is delightful, sweet, kind, and very polite; at home though, she is a different person. My daughter has always been a good, sweet, kind and polite little girl, in and out of the house; lately though all we have been getting from her is attitude. I have tried everything, from taking away her WII, DSI, stuffed animals, grounding her, taking away TV privileges, not allowing her friends to come over or spend the night, and keeping her in the house. I have to admit that I apologize to her for grounding her and disciplining her, because I feel bad. You see she really isn't that bad a child, but she seems to be going through some difficulties, which she won’t talk to me or her father about; and I feel that these issues are causing the bad behavior that she is developing. I have read that this is normal behavior for a 9 year-old girl, is this true?  What can I do to stop the behavior that she has developed? Am I over reacting? I'm not sure what to do or how to react to the things that are happening with my daughter. I love her very, very, very, very, very much, and I have always taught her to be kind, polite and honest with people. There are a couple things that I have noticed she seems to be picking up some of her attitude from my grandmother and dad; they both have a sarcastic and mean sense of humor, and they can be rude and very cold towards people. At times she has the same type of personality and sense of humor; and when she behaves that way towards them they get mad at her. She tells them that they do the same thing, but their response is that they are the adults and that they can act however they want. I have tried to explain to them that the way they act has a huge influence on her, but they believe that she needs to understand and know the difference between an adult and a child. How do I handle the way they think? I'm ready to tell them if they can't start being good role models then maybe they shouldn't be around her. Please help, I want to make sure that my daughter still remains the sweet, respectful, caring child she has always been.

[RockRose]

Look down this board.  You are in great company.

For some reason unknown to me (I only raised boys) there are a LOT of girls who are hateful to their families but very delightful to everyone else.  

Best wishes.  There are a lot of families suffering what you are suffering.

[rose309]

Hi i have the same problem with my son all of tht is him to but sometimes im at my wits end with him .... Have u talked to her about whats going on ... Yes u r right they need to understand the difference between a child and a adult ... The way we can handle what they think is by being one step ahead off them .....