My 9 year old refuses to listen or do anything
by anothersinglemommy, May 22, 2009
I have a 9 year old son who refuses to listen to anyone. He is pushing the limits on acceptable behavior & actually knows he is just plainly making bad choices. There are so many factors involved in my current situation, that I feel like I am making excuses instead of progress. He was tested for ADD & ADHD & ODD & all the test proved was that he is literally a genius (for his age, which can be lost) and that he is "normal" otherwise. Unfourtionatly we have moved a lot, he has been in 3 different school in 3 different years (I know that this does not help). I finally got us settled & he is in an excellent school yet he refuses to do his homework, take resposability for his education & just leaves the class when he doesn't want to participate. He has an attitude of life is just going to get handed to him. I never spoiled him; I didn't have the financial means to. My mother is undermining me continually but I feel inspite of that, that he should listen to the rules I have & that the school has regaurdless of "grandma's ways".
I have tried talking to him repeatidly about why he does act out (he recently kicked a teacher) & why he is constantly going for the "bad choices" that he knows he's just going to get in trouble for & the only responce I get from him is "I don't know"... I have lost jobs because of having to deal with him at school or having my mother constantly berate me over my parenting. I am not a rotten parent, just strict in proper behaviour. (as I was raised, go figure?)
My only back up is from my aunt. She agrees that regaurdless he should be listening to my rules & that he is highly intellegent & knows that what he does is wrong. I am scared to see him change from a truly sweet, loving, poliete & decent child into this monster that was created by my mother & that she blames me for. I can not help right now living with her (first time since he was born & due to current economic state) & I keep trying to encourage him that we will be in our own place again & I keep trying to remind him of how happy we were when we got along ect ect... but then no sooner have I think I have turned a corner with him, he goes right back to acting like a spoiled brat who thinks the world owes him something (that attitude came from my mother, I intentially have gone "against the grain" with her line of thinking & attitude, thus we do not get along well)
As I said, there are A LOT of factors that contribute to this issue but I need to get my son to understand that he can NOT continue this behaviour.
Is there a certain way to get it through to a 9 year old boy? Are there certain words? I have gone from one end of talking, to losing my mind & yelling (I hate that, never had to ever yell at him before). I don't want to lose the awsome little man I had, but I don't know how to reach him & make him understand that he is going down a rotten path & that scares me. I never thought I would use a web site for help, but I am at a loss & I don't know what else to do.
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Member Comments (3)
by aid821, May 22, 2009
Hi, i read in your post that your son was 'a genius', is he currently in a gifted and talented class? is it possible that the work they are giving him isn't stimulating enough for him? therefore causing him to act out, just a thought.

You say you don't want to listen to your mother and battle with her on this issue, but are you maybe a little too strict with him?`sometimes i feel that being too strict with children can sometimes be as bad as not being strict enough, maybe he's lashing out becasue the expectations are too high of him.

I guess it's hard to say because i don't know what goes on in your day to day life. I'm not sure if your username suggests that are in fact a single mother but i was just thinking, is there a strong male role model in your sons life? he may be trying to reach out or need a male figure in his life that he can do the 'boy' things with and look up to for guidance. Does he see his dad? sorry for all of the questions!
by anothersinglemommy, Jun 07, 2009
Questions are ok, I do not mind at all...
The issue with my mother began shortly after my dad passed; shortly after she began on a tyraid of how I am an unfit mother and so on. The thing is my dad is the only person who ever told her to "back off" and that it was obvious my son is a happy and healthy little boy. After he went, she began to over indulge my son, spoil him and go as far as to cater to whatever he wanted, when he wanted. This also happened because she lost her job & ended up living with us (I was supporting everyone) and thus had more access to my son than prior to my dad's death. I was in school full time (during this, college) and working full time nights.

His father is not allowed around us. He is abusive and that is all I will say about that.
The school has recently come up with some amazing plans to help my son and I am thankful to them, because he just got his butt suspended fo taking off. The counceller agreed that he is acting up in school because it is the only place he has any control over the situation. Thankfully they are not willing to give up on him; niether am I; so I am confident it is going to get better.
With the lack of a consistant positive male influence, I can see where there are issues coming out of that, the school is going to see if he can be placed with a male teacher next year, and the counseller, vice-princiapal & principal are all male & he does respond to them very well.
I am not strict, so much as I am consistant in what is not acceptable. I have a rather relaxed attitude towards life and I am generally an optimist so with my son, the only a few things I do not bend on is 1. bedtime during the week  2. he has to try food before he can say he doesn't like it 3. violence is never an option (he has been spanked, but never beaten; I was & I do not want that for him) 4. respect
Other than that, I do not get to 'freaked out' over a lot. I was the only parent I knew who enjoyed finger prints on the walls & the fun of lipstick murals... I have some great photo's but those were not things I would 'freak' about... my mother did & has; it's just not my 'bag' to deal with things her way & that is why we clash often.
However; since I wrote my plea, I have re-discoverd that not taking her 'bait' in wanting to fight has led to my son staying calm as well. He is really looking at me for guidence, so I am happy to say that it is slowly getting better. All that is left is to find better employment & then I can physically have us on our own again & she will be at arm's length after.
Thank you for your questions, I appriciate it.
Take Care
by momnneedofhelp, Dec 21, 2010
Truly I hope things work out for u and your son. I also have a 9 year old son who is not listening to anything I say. This year he has decided to not do his homework or his classwork and it's really bothering me that he has been the way he is for only a short period of time. I try to talk to him and have him talk to me also to let me know what's going on with him and how I can help. Unfortunately it seems like I am getting no where and he still decides to do what he wants instead of what he knows is the right there anyone who can give me some advice on how I can deal with this situation and turn it around to bring my smart,loving son who never got in trouble for not listening back