My 9 years old boy don't want to sleep alone but always with me

Hello, my 9 years old boy don't want to sleep in his bed. He don't want to take a shower by himself or seat at the table and eat alone. He is also having problems with food, he don't want to eat much. He don't want to do anything by himself. How I can help him? Please help me.thanks.

[specialmom]

Has he gone through a recent loss?  Is this new behavior for him?  

Many people don't love to sit at a table and eat alone.  Why don't you have meals together??  

Anyway, is this new behavior for him or has he always been able to sleep with you when he wants, have you meet him with a towel after a shower, etc. and now you want to change this??  

More information would be helpful.  

[nana1964]

He has been thought a lot, his older sister- 16 years old- is bipolar and anorexic, she had a 4 years fight with all this and when several times to a psychiatric hospital, i got sick too and almost end there. i let him sleep with me but the father is really mad because of that ( the father don't sleep with me), and he is a very scare child, he is scare of everything.Recently my 20  years old daughter moved out the house with the boyfriend and she used to be very loving and caring of him,she also used to slept with him.now she is very indifferent to him.thanks

[specialmom]

Oh, he may have a little anxiety as well.  And as he has been sleeping with someone ----  his older sister and now you, it would be hard for him to just give that up easily.  That becomes a habit and is a bit of security.  

Your boy has lived in this manner and the expectation that he now just 'grow up' probably isn't realistic for him.  I'd help him grow more independent slowly and patiently with lots and lots of empathy.  If he takes his shower, you stand close by and bring him his towel when he is done.  Then eventually lay his towel by the shower for him and stand outside the door 'doing something'.  Just slowly introduce changes.  But he sounds a bit sad and a bit anxious.  

How does he do socially at school??

[nana1964]

He is very social but too worried about his friends, always complaining that nobody wants to play with him. Things are getting worse,he don't want to listen to any of us, he do stuff to bring negative attention, he cries easily and is not eating well.please help me.

[specialmom]

I always think when a child is crying out for attention . . . one of the answers is to give it to them in a positive way.  Set up some fun things just for him.  Praise him for all right things he does.  Ignore the wrong ones.  If you feel he is seeking negative attention, then ignore it.  Praise the the other things.  make him feel special.

I think he is missing his sister that was somewhat of a caretaker and stable person in his life.  You'll have to pick up the slack.  You don't have a new boyfriend or anything do you??

I'm thinking that you should consult a therapist to see if anxiety is playing a role.  

but he was used to certain things like eating with someone (which he should do anyway----  why don't you eat dinner with him????), sleeping with someone (you may want to break that habit but in all honesty, it isn't his fault that he still longs for that when he did it for so long with his sister), I still stand in the bathroom while my 8 year old showers---- etc.  If he wasn't raised to be independent-----  just because you lost your helper in your daughter, you can't expect him to do it all alone now.  Be patient and help him along.  
good luck

[nana1964]

Thanks for your advice, i would consider many of The thing you told me. No, i dont have a new boyfriend, i had been married 21 years. We have Breakfast and dinner together everydAy, and i have him now in terapy ,hope that will work.thanks.