My Father is a stranger

I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter that has not seen or spoken to her father since she was 14 months old until recently.  Her father is now trying to created a relationship wither her though not on a consistant basis.  He has missed several schedule visitation.  She has spent some supervised time with him over the last few months.  Around Christmas she spent a couple of hours with him and his family without me being there.  I just found out that the time she spent with him did not go smoothly.  She ignored him and was upset the whole time, she did though not ignore other members of his family, just him.  I try to be encourging to her about spending time with her father, but she is totally rejecting the idea of him and now her behavior is changing.  She seems to be regressing.  She does not want to play with kids her own age very frequently.  She wants to be with the babies at school or she plays by herself. She is extremely clingy not only to me but to her teachers, my parents and my signifigant other.  When I try to speak to her about her father she sometimes get angry verbally or by displaying agressive  behavior towards her babydoll saying No Father!.  Before this all started she was a very outgoing child and was never a agressive child in a negitive way until recently.  What should I do? Her father does not make an effort to make this an easy transition.  He expecting her to take on the role of his daughter and he is a stranger to her. Please Help.  

Thank you

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Pattie,

As you are witnessing, inconsistent and unreliable contact with a parent with whom the child does not live full-time can be quite unsettling and promote instability. If your daughter were older, I'd recommend a child mental health evaluation and therapy to help her adapt to the situation. However, given her age, it would be more productive for you to contact a pediatric mental health clinician who can help you plan around these circumstances and offer guidance about how to proceed. At this point you will be the greatest help to your daughter, and you can collaborate with the clinician about how to be most helpful.