My Five Year - Social and Behavior

I have an extremely intelligent five year old boy and I am confused by his social and behavior interactions.  My son is very high functioning with respect to reading, understanding logic and math.  He learns both by reading, watching and by listening.  According to his teachers he is operating probably at a level two or more years higher than his peers.  

He is usually easy going.  No fuss in trying new foods, or leaving the toy store without a toy and confident when we go some place new or is left in a new situation such as a play group or class.  He laughs easily.  He is affectionate, compassionate and very sensitive.  To the point that we can't watch one disney movie or any other movie in which some one might get hurt or lost.  He had to be removed from class when they watched a movie about a mother duck who couldn't find her ducklings.  Just as easily he is to laugh he could also burst out in tears.  A toy that was taken, he got the date wrong in class - all things that resulted in uncontrollable crying.  

He can focus will unbelievable concentration on things he likes.  If he is not interested than forget it.  He has a hard time sitting still in class, he is in a small class and gets a lot of one on one time and encouragement to stimulate him.  He rushes through work or will day dream and not work than have to rush.   He rarely looks at his teacher in her eyes.  He also doesn't respond when when asked questions.  I did have his hearing tested.  With gentle encouragement I remind him that he needs to answer when asked a question and then we try again.  Sometimes is works and other times it does not.  Again this is not true all of the time since sometimes he will answer.

He speaks so loud and it feels like it is impulsive.  But in saying that for the first three months of school he used a quiet voice.  His senior kindergarten teacher who knew him from junior kindergarten was so impressed by how much he changed that she sent a few letters home congratulating him on how well he was behaved in class.  It lasted only 3 months than is was like he didn't care any more or got comfortable.

He can be aggressive with other kids but only if he knows they won't push back.  As a toddler he was never aggressive.

He is very attached to me - more than any one else.  He would play with me over his friends.  He has a good relationship with his father but he always chooses me over dad.  He has a few good friends plays well with his friends outside of school.

We have been dealing with these issues for over a year and a half.  Also in the past 10 months I was diagnosed with an early stage of breast cancer (no chemo).  I have had 3 operations and he knows (age appropriate)and we talk.  I am very calm but I am sure this has had an impact.  

I am confused because he fits some definitions of ADHD but not always.  He shows both normal and abnormal tendencies.  I am going to have him evaluated but is there anywhere I can go online to read more.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

While it is true that your son displays some symptoms typical of children with ADHD, it's really too early to make a determination about this. Development proceeds rapidly at this age, and children often look quite a bit different at age six, for example, than they do at age five. Remember, development is a process, and occurs along a variety of dimensions: physical, cognitive, social, emotional. While your son is developing ahead of the norm in the cognitive domain, his development is more uneven in the social and emotional domains. This is OK and not at all unusual. The evaluation you are planning is sensible, but be careful about drawing any conclusions too early. My guess is that, as the next year progresses, you'll see his development even out and he will look more stable.

[Tula]

Hi I have 6 kids and from the sounds of it he sounds like a typical 5 year old lilttle boy who loves his mommy nothing wrong with that.  until a child is at least 8 years of age they move alot its all apart of growing up.  I believe you could say alot of kids suffer from adhd because they cant focus for along time.  how about the fact that they are kids and learning all about life.  I wouldn't read much into his behavior let him be a kid i think society expects our children to behave like adults to fast trust me all my kids are 15 to 20 they are all different but being busy and sometimes loud doesn't mean they r adhd there kids.  oh they grow up so fast. I have one son and he has always been very attached to me he will be 16 and believe me he is very independent but is a very loving young man he always treats me with respect and cares very much for me. he has 5 sisters and does well with them.  him and my hubby love sports and hangin out together.  he has also seen how a husband should treat his wife my hubbys been a great example.  
I think you should give your little guy some time let him be a kid give him alot love with boundries.  there is a really good book called bringing up boys by Dr.James Dobson.  He gives you alot of parenting  advice doesnt mean it willbe the answer but your mom and you know whats best.  If you feel he needs to be evaluated for adhd thats your call.  I think we want our children to do things the way we think they should do them but i have learned to allow my kids to be who they are still teaching them with love and boundries.  gopd luck enjoy you little guy.

[Tula]

I am so sorry about your cancer i am sure that has an impact on him.  you sound very wise in how you are handeling it it will all be ok dont worry you are doin a great job.  i will be praying for you..  bless you that must be tough.  God bless and know that God is in control of everything!!!

[From Canada]

Thank you for your advice and I will look up that book.  He is my first (I have a daughter as well) and it is hard to know what the expectations of a five year old should be.  

Thank you.

[Tula]

you are sweet. I dont want to come across like i know the answers i just have been there although my son was pretty quiet yet my girls aren't they are all so different.  I think you will be suprised to know your not alone also this to shall pass its but for a season.  just learn to enjoy every phase because there are different stages of there lifes you will go through i guess you have to enjoy the journey and only anticipate that great things are ahead..  Good luck your in my prayers

[rachlevah]

i am not a doctor, but i noticed in your story many things i experienced growing up.  Of course i dont know your son, but in my experience with my self and others people who are more intellectual (and the way you describe he, he sounds very much like an intellectual-minded boy) often see things in the world (or in a disney movie) and are afected by them in a way that others are not; a classroom of kids sees a movie and laughs but one student bursts into tears.  I dont know your prefrence of medications ect.  but i grew up on evaluations and medications and some of them helped me im sure but some of them deffinetly held me back (to say the lease).  For example i was diagnosed adhd and put on riddalin when i was 7, i was on it until i was 13; it helped with my attention span in school, however it had a terribly negative affect on my mental and emotional stability.  Granted this is not the case with all people who take add or adhd medication.  If you continue with evaluations and it turns out that he has adhd, seriously think about what you are going to do, remember there are always alternatives.  (i hope im not sounding pushy) because a growing mind is a fragile thing.    I agree with the other comments... Dont worry, and please watch out for medications (if you even consider them an option)  he sounds like a sweet loving child (who has formed normal bonds with his parents and friends), and i bet it will be amazing to watch him grow.
-rachel

[tam245]

I'm not a doctor , but I am a nurse who has a son who has many similar characteristics as you describe of your son. He is 6 wtih a reading age on 9 , doesn't like to give eye contact and can be very emotional to little things. He doesn't like writing but loves the PC and at school has been disruptive whilst not working or alternately trying to do his work as fast as he can. I've asked for opinion after opinion from various doctors ( community paediatricians and school doctors in addition to my own general practitioner) and I now feel as if someone has listened. He is having a variety of tests performed to see if he has Aspergers syndrome, which is a form of high functioning autism. I don't want to over concern you but think that this is something you might consider if you don't feel this is a phase your son is going through. My son is very loving but can be hard work sometimes- he tends to wander off when we have day trips out because he sometimes doesn't grasp that we worry about his whereabouts. His motor skills are poor- he's only just learnt to ride his bike this summer when his 4 year old youger brother had been riding for several weeks without stabilisers, and he isn't co-ordinated enought to swim properly yet. BUT at the end of the day 5 is very young and he's had a bad year , as have you by the sounds of it , and childhood is short so let him be a child before he grows up, don't worry about what other parents say about any dispurtive behaviour and LOVE HIM . xxx