My Sister In-law is worried about my three year olds sexual habbits, should I be?

[JDB16]

My son is three years old and will be four on halloween this year 2010. My sister in-law is complaining about something she tends to think is not a proper behavior for a three year old. My son spent the night at her house the other night and wanted a kiss before bed time. So my sister inlaw gave him a kiss and he said no he wanted a bigger kiss. So she gave him another kiss and said that it was time for bed. Then he stated that he wanted another bigger kiss again so she gave in and then she said that this time she had to actually push him away from her. Now he has done this with me but I have taken it as a fact of the same way he says I want a bigger hug and just assumed it was natural behavior. He always talks about loving someone this big and wants a bigger hug so I thought that this would be a nornal behavior for him. From time to time we catch him touching himself and we tell him that he doesnt need to do that. This again I thought was a normal thing because of curiosity. The same night that he stayed the night with my sister inlaw she said that he was rubbing him self and it sounded like he was talking about an erection. I like to think that my son is a very intelligent boy however, I never thought that he would be able to put the two and two together to comprehend that that would be an erection while he was three years old. So I thought she might have misunderstood himself. Now my brother inlaw walked in the room and my son then asked if he was going to go take a shower because he wanted to be with his aunt by himself. Once again I did not think that this was abnormal because I thought he was just favoring his aunt over his uncle. Yet people still seemed to be worried about his behavior and I was unsure if I should be myself. It seems to me like all this would have to tend to be curiosity to me however, I do not want to be wrong and let this get out of hand... So please help me and give me any advice on this and let me know if they may be blowing it out of proportion or if it is something that I need to be worried about......


Worried Father.

[sue_perfluous]

I think your SIL is reading things intio his behavior that aren't there.  

Like many a three-year old, he doesn't yet have any ingrained notions about any displays of affection being inappropriate - and nor has he learned that certain pleasurable bodily sensations should be repressed and feared.

[Plague]

He's 3 years old, and he wants hugs and kisses. What 3 year old doesn't want hugs, and kisses? Your sister-in law has a sick mind, and maybe she's unaware of this, but it's totally normal for children to explore their bodies. I did it when I was 2. Giving hugs and kisses doesn't mean he wants to have sex with you, or your sister-in law. It sounds like the boy has a lot of love to give, and what 3 year old wouldn't? Also bathing with family members male or female is totally normal at that age.

[AnnieBrooke]

My son gave a huge kiss to his aunt the other day, and I found myself wondering if she would get all freaked out.  He likes to hug, and to my certain knowledge there has been no molestation or improper behavior, and he hasn't even seen kissing on T.V.  It sounds to me like what you're dealing with also, which is, if a little hug is good, a big hug is better, and so the same for kisses.

The erections, as the other ladies said, are normal for little boys.  My husband used to think it was hilarious when my son would get one when his diaper was being changed, and I really had to kick him (the man, not the infant) to stop giggling.  

I totally agree with myenzoorka that the child was not hoping to get his uncle out of the way so he could hit on his aunt.  Being possessive of his favorite person, sure.  Being sexually interested, no.

I think, along with the other ladies, that it's all normal, and despite the topic, not sexual.  Just physical manifestations of being three years old -- affection, possessiveness, and body being in fine fettle too.  But not sexual in intent.

[mammo]

I think you have a normal 3 year old little boy!  You will catch him touching himself a lot as they are discovering this, it's like their own little worry stone!!  He's only 3, and I think this is being blown way out of proportion.  He is very affectionate and this is good, he has been shown a lot of affection, and he thinks a bigger kiss is like a bigger hug!  It's almost as if your sister-in-law is looking for anything to make your son appear to have something wrong with him. Your son just favors his aunt over his uncle, no more.  They are the ones with their minds in the gutter...no offense.  Take care.

[myenzoorka]

Granted, all of those things together sound not so innocent.  But I doubt it's anything to worry about.  I assume (yes, I know what assuming makes me) that your sister-in-law doesn't have a son.  So, your son's behavior could really throw her off.  Since boys get erections from infancy, that's not alarming.  Some are more aware of them than others.  And many of those who notice will talk about them (I couldn't tell you how many times I've heard my son explain in great detail - he's 6).  Perhaps he never used the word "erection" but your sister-in-law surmised that's what he was talking about - or maybe he's used the word because someone taught him the word in an effort to educate him.  Either way, it's still a pleasant feeling for him and he's going to do things to make it happen and he'll probably talk about it.

The kissing could be suspicious, but since he also asks for bigger hugs, I highly doubt there was anything inappropriate on his half of things.  You can suggest to your sister-in-law to tell him that one small kiss is enough before bed at her house.  Kissing "habits" differ from family to family and it can be a very hazy boundary as to what's appropriate and what's not (my husband's family never kisses each other, yet my grandmother still kisses all of her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren on the mouth - nothing inappropriate, it's just the way things have always gone).  

The question about your brother-in-law taking a shower was undoubtedly just favoritism.  I honestly don't think a 3 year old would think along the lines of "hey, I gotta get rid of this guy so I can make moves on his wife."  It's just not a toddler way of thinking.

It sounds like your boy is normal - your sister-in-law just added things up a bit and came to a conclusion a bit prematurely.  And if all of these events happened within a span of a few minutes, I can understand how it could be disconcerting to her.  You should probably keep an eye on your son, just to be sure something more isn't going on with him - but don't worry at this point.  In the meantime, maybe it would be good to help your sister-in-law understand by recommending a book about toddlers and their "sexual" behavior so she can be aware of what is normal and what isn't.  That way, she can feel more comfortable about having your son in her home - and she can help keep an eye out for any truly problematic behavior.