My Son Doesn't want to go to school

[Caryh]

My son went to daycare and then full day kindergarten at the day care since he was 2. 99% of the time he went without having any issues and seemed to really like it.  Then I got laid off from my job and he was with me for six weeks at home at the beginning of the summer.  When I went back to work we tried a day camp which we had to pull him out of because he was so scared, so I put him back in day care until school starts and he pleads with me to not leave him their either.  It takes sometimes up to 30 minutes to get him to stop.  Now when I mention school starting in a few weeks he looses it and starts crying and says he doesn't want to go.  I'm not sure what I'm going to do.  I don't want him to be causing a scene at school.  He says he won't take the bus and wants me to drive him, but I'm certain I'll just have the problem at school instead of the bus stop.  I don't know if I should keep talking about school, and reinforcing what a great place it is, or if I should just drop it and hope for the best in 4 weeks.  Whenever I bring it up his mood changes immediately and he starts to cry.  But, if I don't figure this out now, I think I may be going through this when school starts.  Normally, I have a very happy child, likes to play, likes his friends etc.  Thank you.   Cary

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

You don't have to be dwelling on it now. When the time comes, he'll go to school and, even if he is upset at school, he will calm down once you leave. By all means do not indicate to him that there is any alternative to his attending school. If it's not a major problem for you re: logistics or schedule, it's fine if he doesn't take the bus. But you are certainly correct in thinking that he may well have a problem leaving you once he's at school. Work cooperatively with the staff at school. They are used to such examples of anxiety and will help him to separate from you. Be sure not to linger at the school. Bring him to his teacher and leave.

[3rdchild]

I don't know how old your son is but my daughter is 13 now and cried for years when leaving me for school.  Not consistently....maybe the first week of school.  At times during the day she would easily get upset.  She does have an anxiety disorder but I never realized it till she was a bit older.  Another words I guess her seperation anxiety was a bit worse than another child when she was young.  I remember her crying in Kindergarten....first grade...all the way up till 4th grade.  My 10yr. old son cried also.  Not as much though.  My 6yr. old has been going on the bus for years now so he's used to it although he has signs of anxiety in other ways.  
I wouldn't worry about it now....although what I tried to do is  schedule an appointment to see the classroom and teacher so at least it's not like they are walking into a totally new atmosphere.  And they will be a little more familiar with the teacher and hopefully the school will make a good match for your child with a good teacher if they know some of the issues you deal with.  That's just my hope for my child...I don't even know if it's possible to chose a teacher.
Good Luck!

[3rdchild]

Sorry...I just reread my post and wanted to say that if your truly worried I would call the pediatrician also and get their advice.  Maybe he is suffering from anxiety and they may recommend a visit to a psychologist.  I don't know if anything else is going on in his life or he has any other issues but you should take everything into consideration.  If it's only seperation anxiety...I have friends that let their kids cry for days in daycare....all day long...
I just couldn't do that to my child.  When they hit Kindergarten I guess we really don't have much of a choice.  But I would try and meet the teacher and I'm sure the teacher and school staff will reassure you.