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My almost 4 year old won't poop in the toilet
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My almost 4 year old won't poop in the toilet

My son is almost four and has been almost completely potty trained for a year now.  He refuses to go poop in the potty.  He has done it before when we first started to potty train (with great rewards and praises) but has not since done it.  He knows where it goes, he knows he is suppose to go in there but he still refuses.  He wears underwear all the time and just goes in them.  He doesn't hide or anything before, during or after.  he simply says "poopy" and gets like a guilty naughty grin on his face.  We have tried rewards, punishment for not going in the potty (taking favorite toys away, etc..), diapers again (HUGE Mistake), and everything else we can think of.  We are out of options.  He doesn't need a diaper to go he just goes in his pants.  He is not on a regular schedule so we can't just put him on the potty.  I don't know what to do but I am tired of changing his dirty underwear.  HELP!!!
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Avatar_f_tn
Hi, my son is now almost 6 but he did exactly the same thing when he was 3 until he was just four. I still dont know what it was that put him off pooping in the toilet. He did wee perfect for me, but always pooped in his jocks. Anyway as he began 4yold Kinder he just began to do it. The way we dealt with this was to take him to the toilet after he had done it and put the poop in the toilet and told him this was where he was meant to do it. I know exactly how you feel this went on for it felt like ages. I do remember telling him it was discusting and getting very mad at him. I dont know whether to tell you to do this or not, but I feel he was just being plain lazy. As I said he is almost six now and he has only just started to wipe his own bum, he said he has always been scared of getting the poop on his hands. Anyway I really think this will not go on too long and I dont know that my advice has been any help but just wanting to lewt you know that your child is not the only one to do this, I have heard of quite a few children doing this, hopefully you will get some answers from others.
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Avatar_n_tn
children are more afraid of dirting themselves by touching poop than we think,,,I think.

And try not to get upset.  Just change him, maybe don't say anything at all, unless it's something encouraging like, "better luck next time".

My son is 3 and he's been trained for a few weeks now.  

He could've learned earlier but he just refused until I finally got him to tell me why, he said that the toilet was dirty.  (It was'nt) So he and I cleaned our toilets, he was satisfied,  now that they are "clean" he has no problem.
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203342_tn?1328740807
I have the same problem with my 3 year old right now. He's potty trained for the most part. He does beautifully during the day even when we go out. He poops during naptime or night time, the only time we put a diaper on him. Even on the days we skipped his nap, he didn't go poop. My husband says we should just go without the diaper at naptime and bedtime but I'm afraid to do that because he doesn't stay dry while he's sleeping.

Any suggestions?
Oh, and we've done the whole putting the poop in the toilet from the diaper and telling him that's where the poop goes thing too. We also let him flush the toilet and say "Bye, bye, poop!"

How do we get him to go in the toilet??
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Avatar_n_tn
maybe he's a night pooper?
does he do it while he's asleep or before or after the sleeping?

i
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203342_tn?1328740807
Hmmm, I think he's done it both ways. Sometimes when he won't go to sleep right away at naptime and I still hear him playing around in his room, I'll check on him and he's poopy. Once I change him, He usually goes to sleep. This has happened at night, too. Other times he seems to go during sleep.
Any suggestions?
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203342_tn?1328740807
It actually is a pull up we put on him at naptime and bedtime. And we don't make a big deal about it. We never have. We just take him to the toilet, take the pull up off, drop the poop in the toilet and tell him cheerfully that this is where the poop goes. He gets to flush the toilet and tell it bye bye. He is a little delayed in his speech. I don't know if this hinders things. He is a real sweet boy. He's not obstinate at all. I'm not sure he's doing this as a control thing or not. I wonder if he's a little afraid of trying to go poop in the toilet since he's not used to doing it? I think once we get past that hurdle and he gets the hang of it, he'll be ok.

I wonder sometimes though, if we can time his bowel movements better? That would help.
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203342_tn?1328740807
Whoops! Teko, where you talking to the original poster? Sorry! I honestly didn't mean to hijack this post!

cnickelson, I hope things get better for you soon. I would think he wouldn't like the feeling in his pants but each kid is different! I agree. Perhaps it would be better to put him back in a pull up for awhile. You say he doesn't have a schedule. You mean he poops at different times of the day? That does make it more difficult! It is curious that he was trained and backslid. I wonder what happened? See if you can catch him and get him to the potty. It may mean keeping him home with you for awhile. Are you trying the rewards again?
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Avatar_n_tn
i have the same problem.. my son is 4 , hes soo smart and knows when to go pee and even does it sometime by himself and he doesnt mind, he even stay's dry all thru the night, and stands up, hes completly aced that part but when it comes to going poo on the potty he refuses, i myself DO NOT wanna go back to diapers, i think he will think its an easy way. iv tried all the praises and treats and punishments like taking stuff away making him clean it on his own all that but it never works, its too the point were he holds it in and gets poo streaks and thats not healthy, soo i put him on and he screams like no tomorrow, it hurts me to see it but it has to happen, hes gone Twice on the potty after staying on for an hr of crying. soo i praise him and he doesnt do it again, im at a lose on what to do and losing my mind in the process, does anyone have suggestions for me ??
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Avatar_f_tn
Think about a portable potty.  Then you can move it him,  Watch a few days and see if you can determine the signs of poop.  After you discovered the signs, move the potty to  where he is.  Sit beside him and read a book or anything that will distract him until he is done.  Let him watch you put it in the big potty and let him flush the toilet.  It may take you a week but it will work. He may poop himself to death just to flush the toilet. Been there done that it worked for me.  Good luck.
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Avatar_f_tn
Try a potty chair that sets on the floor.  He needs to put his feet flat on the floor in order to push, or at least he thinks he does. Think of yourself, your feet are flat on the floor. Buy a special toy or book that he can only have when he sits on his big boy toilet.  2 MM's is a great reward but only use that reward after he a successful potting time and no other time. Sit beside him with encouragment,  Distracting him helps him do what he has to do without thinking about it.  Worked for me.   Good luck
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Avatar_m_tn
I also had the same problem with my barely 4 year old. What I discovered I feel is more of a key to having success although the reasons for this delay obviously can vary.

His mother was very permissive and both kids were on the wild side when they were with her alone. She would literally just ignore them to the point that there were times I would come home from work, she was on the computer or passed out in bed and they were hunting for food. She had been in a serious auto accdent and had been in and out of the hospital.

In a home with tons of conflict and the distress of what was happening with mom I chose my time and made my move. I have always been the more nurturing and caring parent so when mom was away I proceeded with an attitude of expectation, high praise and absolutely no negative energy. I reacted to his successes, I set clear expectations (in a very kind and loving manner), and when he did have an accident after we started I did not get the slightest bit upset.

I also fought a similar battle with pacifiers two times. After I had him compleately weaned from them the first time (while mom was away) there was an issue after mom returned. He was crying so mom went out and bought more pacifiers. The second time was much more difficult because he was prepared. Eventually we overcame this as well.

I NEVER forgot that my son is an sensitive and emotional child. Understanding the pain of growing up helped to give me great compassion in helping him to overcome both potty and binkie troubles. Children need to be and feel loved. Let me say that again. our children absolutely need to have our unconditional love and they need to feel that we love them. With time, patience and understanding they will replace childish things with more adult like behaviors.

Most children are very smart and have a very special inner drive to become independent. When they are empowered they accomplish great things. When we take all the power they loose.
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