My boyfriend can't stand my son, what do I do?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years now, we have a 2 year old son and one on the way.  I also have an 8 year old from a previous relationship who cannot seem to do right by my boyfriend.  My son loves him so much and it's breaking my heart to see my bf treat him the way he does.  My son can be very difficult but I feel my bf is way too hard on him and it's all the time, even when my son is behaving, it's like he's looking for reasons to yell at him.  We fight on a daily basis because of this and I just don't know what to do anymore.  I hate to throw my arms up in the air, as we do have a family together and as I said before - my son really does adore this man.  I want to FIX this problem I just don't know how to go about it.  

[SL345]

Have you considered going with your boyfriend to counseling? If he says no, you've got a big problem that could be a deal breaker, but then you and your son could go together which would be less ideal but still might help. You owe it to your family and yourself to try.

[althepal39]

Your boyfriend is really causing your son a lot of emotional distress - yourson has already been through the breakup of your relationship with his father - and regardless of the reason for that - a boy needs his father and the fact that he is not there with your son on a day to day basis is devastating to a child.  Now he has another male figure who is pretty much rejecting him and making him feel he can't do anything right.   It is probably killing his self esteem.  Your son may be difficult because he is not feeling very good about himself.   Your boyfriend needs to learn to have compassion for him and realize how big of a role he is playing in your son's life and how much of an impact is having on your sons life.  I really think you may all need to go into counseling and learn how to make this all work.  

[RockRose]

I don't understand creating two new children with a man who is emotionally abusive to your son.

You're kind of stuck here,  financially.  

Maybe you could tell him sex is off,  completely,  until he learns to treat your son like a man would,  and not an abusive bully?   That might work.

[BabyHardiman]

Is the Biological father still in your sons life?  It sounds like your BF has some insecurities related to your son.  I know I had a stepdad like this and it NEVER changed.  He continued to hate my brother and I throughout our childhood, because we were not his bio children, we were "******* kids" in his eyes.  I am not saying that your BF will be this way towards your little boy.  My life was tough because my mother was weak.  You have been with this guy for 5 years already.  He KNEW you had a child before you guys had your first child togther, now you have two.    

Your child is helpless in this.  He cannot defend, or support himself.  I am a firm believer that the parents must come together, and they must be able to function well as a couple in order for the children to thrieve.  You didn't mention your relationship with him, do you guys have a nuturing caring relationship towards each other?

I am sorry to say, but if it were me, I would not stick around and allow this man to abuse my son.  It's proven that men have a harder time bonding with stepkids.  I would like to suggest the book "Divorce and New Beginnings".  This book provides an excellent section on blending families.    

[sunshine_mommy]

This is an extremely difficult situation to be in.  There has to be something that triggered this adult to react towards a child because after all, children will be children.  Some misbehavior is to be expected (thank goodness your son isn't a wildcat like my daughter!) by a child, but if he constantly tries to find something wrong, then the problem is with him.  All children deserve love no matter what the situation is.  Was there any animosity between your son's father and the current boyfriend?  Sometimes that causes issues like this, but again, an adult should be able to understand that it's not the child's fault.  If you have been with him this long and things have not changed, I don't really see them looking up if he is unable to accept the fact that he mistreats your child and try to get help for it.  If he did not agree to try to face this problem and deal with it, then he'd be on the way out.  It's very difficult to act on leaving someone, but the two of you are not married, and in this type of relationship, your child's well-being should be top priority.  It's very disheartening that your son adores him also.  That is so mean of your boyfriend to not return that love.  

[girlybuff]

He's not just going to change overnight.  He needs help.  He obviously has deeper issues than you can understand at this time. Maybe he's not even aware of them but either way, he's mistreating your son and as his mother it's YOUR responsibility to make sure this stops.  Do whatever you have to do to make sure it does or your son will end up resenting you for choosing a man and other children over him for the rest of his life. That is the way he'll see it.  
As a mother I would rip someone's head off if they treated my child that way.
  

[momagain59]

Please do not allow this jerk to abuse your son anymore. Your son does not deserve to be treated like this. Therapy would help you understand why you would choose this jerk over your own son's mental health. Therapy would help your son understand that none of this is his fault and he could begin to heal from this hell he has been subjected to. Stand up for your son and get rid of this @$#$%#.