My child does not speak to his classmates, does not enjoy eating

My son is four years old. He is considered as intelligent as we only need to teach him once.  However, we are worrying about some of the behaviorial issues he is showing.  
a) It takes him a long time to finish his meals, both lunch and dinner.  Sometime it takes him more than three hours to finish each meal.   We are having a maid to feed him but he just simply ignoring it and refuse to eat sometimes.  
b) Sometimes, espcially when he is tired, he laughs and he looks like he is quite excited
c) He does not speak to his classmates nor answer teacher's questions.  However, he talks a lot with me and the maid when he is at home.  Sometimes, he even instruct the maid what to do or to tell her that certain places are dirty and need to be cleaned up
d) Sometimes, he would talk to himself.  At nights, he lies down on the bed but would not sleep and would talk to himeself
e) Sometimes, he would make certain places dirty or throw things on the floor to make you cleaning it up and pick things up.  Then he would laugh.
f) When he is walking on the streets, he likes to touch anythings, the fence, the wall, elevator button -,etc. especially when he is inside a supermarket, he likes to touch everything.
g) He hardly sits still and likes to move around all the times.
My question whether the behavior above is normal for a 4 year old boy or he has some behavior problems and what remedial actions can be taken?
h) His teacher complains that he is not paying attention in class and sometimes is not concentrating
Looking forward to have your answer and thanks in advance.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Some of the behavior (e.g., his demeanor when he is tired, talking to himself when he goes to bed, liking to touch things, being very active) is perfectly normal for a child of four. Some other aspects of the behavior need some management. Here are a couple if suggestions. When you serve his meal, make it available for 20-30 minutes and then let him know that the meal is over. Don't permit a mealtime to go on for the length of time you do. He should not be telling the maid what to do - that's not appropriate for a child. Give him a clear instruction to stop that, and place him in time out when he does it. Also, empower the maid to do the same. If he deliberately creates a mess, do not clean it up for him - he should clean it up. Four-year-olds are not famous for sustaining their attention. Is his attention even more limited than the average four-year-old? Time will tell if this truly represents a problem.

[jdtm]

Dear Spang01:

Every single point you listed reminded me of our granddaughter who is now 10 years old.  The "red flag" is your point (c) - not speaking to classmates and teachers in an uncomfortable situation.  I bet he also does not speak in restaurants, church, and other social situations where he is with people he is not really comfortable interacting (including relatives and neighbours).  I suspect he does not eat at school nor does he use public washrooms.  I also suspect he does not initiate play or interaction with other children and/or very few adults.  He probably does not say "thank you", "hello" etc. to strangers as well as those he knows.  In most of his photos he probably has his head down and eyes averted.  Most people probably refer to him as "shy".  He probably is quite artistic and intuitive and probably really enjoys playing with animals.

Our granddaughter was diagnosed with "selective mutism" at 6 years of age.  This is an anxiety disorder and is considered a mental health disorder (some consider selective mutism the extreme of social anxiety).  With years of intervention, therapy and medication, our granddaughter is doing well today.  All of your points indicate anxiety (which means "intense distress") with the exception of point (e).  Our granddaughter also liked to "mess things up" as does your son.  It seemed to give her some control over her environment and helped to alleviate her frustration as she was unable to "control" her body while in ordinary, social situations.

I would suggest you check the main site for selective mutism on the internet - www.selectivemutism.org - and then, perhaps see a child psychologist, or a child psychiatrist, or a child neurologist or a developmental pediatrician.  It can be very difficult getting the correct diagnosis.  As with most childhood disorders, the earlier the diagnosis and treatament, the better the prognosis.  "Invisible" disorders can be difficult to diagnose - even by the professionals.

I wish you the best - Joan

[dontakedrugs]

MORE DAMNING EVIDENCE ABOUT ADHD `MEDICATION`



Thursday, January 5, 2006 - Page updated at 12:00 AM



Reported risks spur new study of ADHD drugs
By Andrew Bridges

The Associated Press

WASHINGTON