My child talks back way too much….

[LovemyKids86]

My child is only 3 years old going on 15, how can I make her understand that she isn't supposed to talk back to her parents!! Everything I say she always has something to say about it and doesn't listen to me.

[margypops]

well I do agree with you about Dad so its time you had a good talk with him ..spanking does not work in fact it makes the issue worse . And of course she thinks she can get away with it if she gets away with it with him .., no TV or Computer may work ..got to get tough .its the only way... whose the adult in your house ....

[specialmom]

Hi.  I will say that this is pretty normal for three year olds.  They like to challenge us and see where our boundaries are.  We gently let them know.  Natural consequences work pretty well.  She is holding the dog and you tell her to put the dog down and she ignores you, you can say 'oh no.  I guess if you are going to ignore mommy, you can't have X (which is her favorite that she doesnt want to miss out on)."  She'll either put down the dog or not and if it is not, then follow through and X is gone for a period of time (kids that age can't have anything taken away too long though),  This really worked well for me.  

I also think that if she is jumping from couch to chair to chair that this is a signal that she needs some physical activity.  My kids are now 8 and 6 and will STILL jump on the couch and bounce around the room.  I realize now when they do that that they have some excess energy to get out and work on it.  We play a physical game doing animal walks such as crab walk, bear walk, leap frog, etc. or make an obstacle course in the house, etc. (we live in a cold climate and can't go outside as much in the winter, so that is why I give in house ideas . . . if you live somewhere warm, run outside a bit, climb a play structure, etc. to get the energy out).  

I will be honest that I had trouble with time outs at 3 for my kids.  I did try to use them but found the taking away method worked a little better with my kids.  And remember, anything that you do try----  it takes time to change behavior.  As much as 3 weeks, so stick with whatever you try for a bit.

I did find that my kids liked to be my 'helpers' at 3 and this helped me get them to do various things.  If she is holding the dog, you can say "do you want to be mommies helper and do X",  She may comply.

Last, there is this really great parenting program called "love and Logic" written by Charles and Jim Fey (father and son).  I just love it and they now have a toddler version.  You may be able to find these in your local library to check out.  One thing they talk about is choices.  Lots and lots of little choices.  If she is a bit strong willed-----  if she's had lots of choices, she may be more compliant overall.  She'll feel she has some control (even though you hold it all as the provider of the choices) and when occasionally she has no choice-----  she won't feel like that is all the time.  Jumping on the couch, you could say "oh, you seem to have lots of energy.  Would you like to run around the house or leap frog across the kitchen?  And in general, give her lots of choices "apple juice or water, this glass or that one, etc.  

Anyway, I hope it helps.  Show her loving boundaries and she'll soon stop testing you . . . until she goes through the next phase of parent challenging.  Peace

[LovemyKids86]

What if redirection and time outs haven't helped?? I don't think it's me that is too soft, I think it's her dad…she thinks that she can get away with it with me if she gets away with it with her dad.

I just don't  know what more I can do…the time outs and sometimes spankin's are not working.

[margypops]

I get it...you are too soft... what you do is ...no words ...she gets time outs for jumping on furniture, you quietly remove her to sit  a chair or cushion you tell her she will stay there until she stops jumping on furniture , she knows you dont mean what you say .You will be consistent...other wise she will know you dont mean it and the behavior will continue . Same with the dog ..they are npt toys for children , they can get injured so protect the dog, she can pat it no rough handling .good luck

[LovemyKids86]

her talking back isn't "enquiring" it's attitude

[LovemyKids86]

I will tell her to not jump from couch to chair to chair to chair and she will just look at me and smile, then when I tell her a second time she will tell me she wants to do it and continue to smile and look at me.

I have a little chihuahua that's about 6 months old and really small and when I tell her to put the dog down (the dog usually growls and I don't want her to bite her) she will respond "But I love her" and continue ignoring what I ask, when I tell her a second time she usually just ignores me or yells at me telling me "I love her"

[margypops]

She is probably a very bright child and enquiring and 'talking back' is what they do ....can you give us a scenario?