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My child will not wear clothes in car seat, and will not wear pants, sh...
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My child will not wear clothes in car seat, and will not wear pants, shorst and screams over panties...

My 3 1/2 year old daughter will not wear panties, pants or shorts.  When she sits in her car seat she has to be naked.  I have tried EVERYTHING you can think of.  She screams, kicks, gets out of car seat, and this would go on for hours if aloud.  She says that they hurt her but.  She had a constipation issue when she was two, she would hold it in until it hurts really bad, I had to give her laxatives for over 6 months and put her on toliet screaming and crying for months before she realized it didnt hurt to go poop.  I dont know if this clothes issue is coming from that or not.  She potty trained herself because it started with diapers, she just decided she didnt want to wear them anymore.  She would scream if I tried to put them on at night and she would have nothing to do with pull ups.  Then she started with shorts and pants around the age of two.  She will not wear them, period.  Now it is to underwear, she screams when I put them on.  We got through 10 pair before we get out the door and she takes them off to sit in car seat.  I am so very stressed out over this.  I do not know what to do, I have tried, ignoring, spanking, brives, threats to take away activities.  She does not care.  In swim class (we go through about five bathing suits every time too) she pulls at the bottoms of them, dance class she screams over wearing the tights and constantly pulls at her leatard.  The other parents all think its funny, "oh she dont like having a wedgie" or "oh its a phase she will get over it"  I just want to cry.  If anyone knew what I have to go through to get her dressed to leave the house and then re-dressed to get out of the car.  Its horrible.  I asked the doctor and the first thing the doctor says "is there any way should could have been abused"  There is not, I stay home with her, she never stays at anyones house other than my Aunt and my Grandmother.  The doctor even checked.  Recommened I take her to a counselor.  I have meet with a counselor and my daughter has met with her once.  She wants to see her every other week.  She wants to do play therapy with her.  I am not convinced this will help.  Cant she take the car seat into her office and go from there.  I really do not know what to do.  My daughter will be starting school next year and she will not be able to go if this continues.  I am afraid to handle this the wrong way and make it worse.  Any advice would be helpful.
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13167_tn?1327197724
I think you need to meet with an Occupational Therapist,  not a counselor.

She apparently has sensory issues,  and they can help.  

There is an advertiser on this website who advertises clothing for children with sensory issues,  but I can't find it right now.  

What I DID find,  when searching with the google terms "clothing for children with sensory issues" is a LOT of helpful websites!  Google it and see if they will help you -

Best wishes.
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Avatar_m_tn
   This really sounds like sensory integration disorder.  You need to read up on it and see if it fits.  Here is one web site and there are others.    
    http://www.spdfoundation.net/about-sensory-processing-disorder.html
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973741_tn?1342346373
My son has sensory integration disorder and it can be very upsetting to a family.  But most importantly-------- very upsetting to the child!  They are so uncomfortable that it may even feel like pain with certain clothing and other tactile issues.

My son also exhibits tactile defensiveness (which is what you describe!).  At 4, he was diagnosed with sensory integration disorder.  He had other things going on besides tactile issues but those caused some big meltdowns.  He hated to have his hands washed for example and at preschool . . . they did it a few times during the 2.5 hours he was there.  He'd have a melt down every time.

An occupational therapist is the one that diagnoses and treats for sensory integration disorder.  Sensory is an issue with the nervous system and how the brain processes things.  Occupational therapy is so fun for kids but it is working out that nervous system and working on behavioral things to help a child develop better.  The hand washing situation with my child------------ within a month . . . gone.  I'm dead serious.  Now, when he is tired or sick he will tell me that he does not like having his hands washed--------- but no tears and no big displays of discomfort. They do this thing called brushing which is really helpful and compressions.  My son has an issue with socks.  They do make seamless socks which are great.  My son will still not wear those in our home but I'm okay with that.  He wears them whenever he wears tennis shoes.  No issues.

Your daughters tactile defensiveness sounds extreme.  I'd seek an occupational therapist evaluation and they will work on this and help her.  I imagine she has texture issues as well with food.  (My son does).  Anyway, I highly recommend occupational therapy as it has done miracles for my boy!! It changed the course of his life and made us a happier family!  good luck
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Avatar_m_tn
Thank you everyone for your comments, I am in the process of trying to find a ocupational theapist, the one I contacted can not get her in until July I dont think I can wait that long.  We will see.
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Avatar_f_tn
this sounds like sensory issues, definitely tactile defensiveness. It may be funny to other parents, but they would not be laughing if they were in your shoes. It's hard hard work and frustrating too and like walking on eggshells.  Ask your doctor about a referral to an OT who can evalaute for sensory processing disorder. If you find a type of clothing she likes a lot, stock up on it. The clothes may hurt her.  

My son will only wear elastic waist clothing made out of soft fabrics, forget khakis or jeans.  Can't wear them.  He will only wear knit tops or jersey material tops.  Finding shoes is very difficult for him, we try on many pairs before we find a pair he will wear.  Getting him to wear socks after being in sandals all summer is hard too.  
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Avatar_f_tn
THe OT told me that a lot of kids with SPD have issues with toilet training.  It's a neurological condition.
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111941_tn?1235819551
Oh my god oh my god oh my god, Thank you!!!  oh my God.  I even know my 3.5 year old has sensory disorder, but it's been visual and audible or just disturbing her environment or what she's working on.  OF COURSE family and friends just think she's a tantrum throwing spoiled brat.  FROM THE DAY SHE WAS BORN my daughter has cried relentlessly.  And for the first two years, she screamed herself to sleep every time we got in the car, while i cried, begged, and yelled at her to stop. Her carseat was torturing her and I could never figure out why!!  I'm crying now just thinking about the desperation we lived with. You know, before they can talk?  :'(  Poor baby, since day one -I even took her to the ER (after giving birth in midwife center.)  And the socks, for sure, but I only like certain socks and the seam has to be perfect too, so that didn't really even strike me... and then it started with the shoes.  It's not a tantrum people (I say) It's a freaking panic! -Can't you see the difference?  High pitched, almost in pain, wildly flailing hands in desperation... sigh.  And potty training took longer than I'd thought (she's 2nd girl) but not sure it's related.  And now, she's almost 4, I don't think I'd have to use my toes to count how many times her entire life she's gotten into her carseat without hysterics.  And then a couple months ago, she started having pee accidents for no apparent reason almost every day then twice a day, then at night.  I took her to dr. and they said it must hurt her to pee.  looked, saw nothing, gave anti biotic, and no change for a few days and then she started sticking her hand down back of her pants and leaving it there. Would not take it out for anything. There was no, what we call, "poo finger".  And upon further investigation, I was bewildered to find she is simply holding her cheek... kind of.  This is only after I have actually won the put on your panties fight -no victory in your child's crocodile tears though.  
Then I had to concede she could have her hand in her pants at home, "but if you want to go in public to be outside and play with your friends, you have to take it out."  And she'd end up back inside within ten minutes or so, deciding it wasn't worth it.  But in stores?? etc. when I pulled it out, she screamed and cried and hit me and attempted to bite me!?  Its gotten to where I have to put a jacket over her shoulders in public to hide the fact that her hand is in her pants. (so kinda funny, but right now so so sad)  And the same with dance class. Won't wear tights anymore and has to put her hand in the side of her leotard.  And I've had to tell her dance teachers it's a butt cheek grabbing stage!  Other moms think it's funny, but glad it's not their kid.  I don't blame them.  I bought 4 different packs of panties and nothing.  It's uncomfortable!!!!  She screams.  I'm so glad she knows the word.  She really says it doesn't hurt, it's uncomfortable, but she acts like it hurts. And for the last 4 days, (yes, this has all progressed very rapidly!)  after the initial buckling in her seat belt screaming while mommy forces her and holds her down while buckling TERRIBLE!!  I will turn around to see that she is sitting there with her shorts (I don't make her wear panties anymore) pulled down as far as she could get them.  Bare butt in carseat.  Her Dad, who only has her for about 6 hours a week is so angry with me because she did it in his car first and because she has no panties, she was exposed on the playground through leg holes in her shorts.  He is included in the nobody believes she has sensory issues.  I have been dealing with all of this alone, along with an understandably resentful 8 year old big sister.  Yesterday and today I discovered she's ok with two of her bathing suit bottoms (hope that helps someone!!)  And tomorrow I'm calling an OT.  I have NEVER been so thankful for Mommy posts in my life.  I honestly did not think I was going to find anyone with similar issues except with allergies, which i know it is not... and so do you all.  I'm going to go kiss her little sleepy head and cry for real now.  Thank you so much all.  
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Avatar_m_tn
    Specialmom now has a SIDS site on this forum.  http://www.medhelp.org/forums/Sensory-Integration-Disorder-SID/show/1396
   check it out.  She has tons of good ideas and ways to help.
   And ya, I think that your life and the life of your little one is gonna change in a big way now.  Keep us posted.
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Avatar_f_tn
Did you ever find out what the issue was?? My daughter is four now and I swear everything is the exact same even down the diaper and potty training thing.
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757137_tn?1347200053
Has it occurred to you that she might be allergic to certain fabrics, especially synthetic fabrics? I cannot wear nylon and go without stocking summer and winter.
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Avatar_m_tn
   If you read our other posts - it sounds like she has sensory processing disorder.
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