My daughter says she wants to be a boy...

[sdgrkrln]

My 7yr old daughter dresses, acts and has hair cut like a boy. She tells the kids at school she is a boy. She is happy when strangers refer to her as a boy. Since she was very little she has refused to wear girl clothes and play with girly stuff. She does on occasion play dress up and wear make up but very rarely. She has recently ask me to start wearing boy underwear. I have alowed her thus far to wear wanglers with "boy" T-shirts and boy tennis shoes. I understand that she may very well grow up to be homosexual or transsexual. What I am concerned about is how I handle this as a parent affects her as an young adult. I worry that she is being made fun of now in elementary, what is to come in middle school and high school. Do I allow her to be who she is and have others damaging her self asteem or do I make her be who her gender says she is and hate me for it later??? All I want is my daughter to be and grow up to be an emotionally happy and health person. She is a good child. Never getting in trouble in school or at home. She is very loving and is a happy child. She does get upset and cries when she sees the confussion in my face when we talk about it. She is upset that I said I would not allow the boy underwear. Please help me understand how to handle this situation to the best intrest of my daughter.

[supermomma531]

This is a tough situation. I think that I would allow her to dress as she wants to. She needs to feel comfortable in her own skin. If she feels like dressing like a boy, then she obviously needs to do what she needs to do. She will handle the kids at school in the best way she knows how. Tell her that if she does get teased, the you expect her to come and talk to you about it. This may be just a phase for her and maybe someday, she'll start dressing like a girl. But if she's done this her whole entire life, then maybe this is who she is. Have you ever taken her to a child psychologist or a child psychiatrist? They may be able to give you some insight as to how to handle this situation. You said that you were afraid of her being teased at school, yet you don't approve of how she dresses either. How do you think this makes her feel? She lives her life knowing that her mother doesn't like the way she chooses to dress and this could do a lot of mental and emotional damage to her for the rest of her life because she knows that you're not happy with her decisions. You sound like you only accept her decisions to a certain point but as her mom, you need to be completely accepting of it and don't worry what others think.. as long as she is happy with herself and accepts herself for who she is. What harm is her decisions affecting you or anyone else? Once you are of complete acceptance of her, she will grow up to be a well rounded, educated, individual because all she needs is acceptance of her parents to continue on her path of life. You need to be her advocate and stand behind her 100%. I'm sorry if I sound like I'm being harsh. I am just trying to help you see it in a different light. Your acceptance will greatly improve the relationship between yourself and your daughter. You are and always have been her safe haven. You want to keep that in place especially when she hits the teen years when they can become rebellious. My daughter was tomboy like until she hit the age of 4, since then it's been all girly! This is who she is. She is now 10 yrs old. I, as her mother, am not that girly. She takes it to the extreme. I support her in what ever she decides with some limitations as to how to dress and if she's allowed make up or not. But she is happy being who she is, and as she gets older, she is allowed more freedom as to how she would like to dress. I would never approve of her dressing  skimpy but I teach her to dress appropriately and decently as a respected young lady. This is the time to teach them well while being under your roof. If my daughter decided one day that she wanted to dress like a boy, then fine. It doesn't affect me in any way. She has to feel comfortable in her own skin to be able to feel comfortable dressing like a boy. I hope this has helped you see this issue from a different perspective. Sometimes just hearing someone else's opinion helps. Good luck.