My daughter(3yrsold) pottys on her floor

[Jami]

I don't know what to do about my daughter anymore I have tried everything I can think of and all the advice I have gotten doesn't help at all. She will go pe on her floor under or around her bed in her toybox or on her bedding she likes to pile it on the floor and pe on top of it. About a year ago she would poop to and put it on her walls and toys like paint. She would pe and use it to paint with, she has stopped doing that but she still wont stop peing on her floor she will try to hide but if I ask her if she went she points it out like she has done nothing. Her door is connected with the bathroom we leave both doors open so she can go freely, she has been pottytrained since she was 18 mos old, she wont go on herself so I tried to diaper pin her nighty so she couldn't get it off. I thought I had found somthing that worked until she figured out that it would come undone. We wake her up twice a night to go. I wouldn't say she has to go out of the normal. She wont go on her bed and she is awake when she does it. I've caught her under her bed . We've taken her toys away, her favorite movies. I've been persistant in all that I have tried we went to the doctor and he said she is fine. I am a stay home Mom and student I am going to have a baby in 2 months and my daughter will be sharing the room. I am so affraid of her wetting the floor it isn't healthy for her not to mention a baby. I shampoo her carpet daily. Ive ignored it thinking it was an attention type thing but  it had no affect it didn't get worse or better. Ive tryed putting the potty chair in her room and she pored the pe out on to the floor i thought she may be affraid to go alone but she wants to be alone when she goes. I home school her. I had her checked to see if she was  developing correctly  and she is normal and above average. I put her in to dancing classes to make sure she was social. We live in Alaska and it is hard to get her out as often as I'd like. She is a healthy little girl a little lack of attention span and hyper, she wants to do allot at once. She dosn't have a bad temper or dissapline problems all and all she is a pretty easy child and allot of fun. But this has to stop. What can I do? Shes even been to a phyciatrist he felt she was stressed so I quit my job to stay home with her that was over a year ago and no change.  I can't think of any reason for her to be stressed. Me and my husband are happy and we  are a happy home. She is happy she sings all the time she is nice to other children. So I don't agree. She is even nice to her hampster and her dog. So I don't agree with his opinion. I thought I could find a more profesional person perhaps out of state that could help and I found you. Can you help my daughter and I?

[HVMA Ph.D.]

Dear Jami,

Your daughter is still very young, and there's really no reason to think that she would necessarily be bowel and bladder trained at her age. She probably was not really trained at 18 months - that would be pretty unusual.

When a child's behavior, though a problem, is within the normal spectrum, I often try to offer some practical child management guidance. There are times, though, when the behavior is not within the bounds of normal and really invites professional intervention. That is the course to which I would steer you. It may be that very little face-to-face therapy needs to occur with your daughter. Rather, the clinician may prefer to collaborate with you and your husband around how to manage this situation.

Having said that, I do have a couple of suggestions. One is to have your daughter sit on the toilet periodically through the day, on a schedule. Second, you may need to supervise her more closely to literally interfere with her pattern of behavior. Third, relative to overnight, at her age you can expect her to sleep through the night. If she is truly 'trained' ( and I suspect she is not) she will be dry through the night. Fourth, if she demonstrates the behaviors you describe, place her in time out for a brief period (i.e., five minutes or so, tracking the time with a portable timer). And fifth, each time she is successful in using the toilet (or potty) reward her with a sticker on a chart placed on the wall, and provide her with some treat to correspond to the sticker. Depriving her of privileges will not be successful - she is too young for that intervention to have a positive impact.

[Jami]

Thank you for your time I"ll try what you've suggested, How do you know if she is potty trained? I thought that since she dosn't wet herself and she goes during the day without me asking her too that she was? How will I know when she is? When we were potty training her I gave her a gummy bear or M&M if she went and my husband would kindof celebrate the ocasion by saying " all right megan! and dancing around with her." Should we continue that even though its been a year? Our method of disapline is a timer and chair for 5 minutes and if she gets down or wont sit its add 1/2 a minute usaully it works if not she gets talked to and then she will sit and behave we do not and will not spank her. As far as supervision at nap time we check her every 10 minutes until she is asleep we usally catch her in the act or coming out of under her bed. But I will do what you have suggested. I guess no one ever said parenting would be easy. thank you for your time.

Sincerly,

James and jami kinslow

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Your reward system and time out methods are fine in my opinion.

If your daughter sleeps through the night and wakes up dry, she is displaying the ability to control her bladder. If, during the day, she can use the toilet and not soil or wet herself, she is trained during the day.

Keep up the efforts; parenting can be hard at times but thankfully is also very rewarding.