My eight year old can't make friends in new school

[IMMOMMYOF4]

My son was just diagnosed with Asbergers  it has been really hard on me and even harder for him to understand what was happening to him we finally got a diagnose but now. To top things off I just bought a house
and he had to move to a new school. He says he tries to make friends but kids say they don't want to be his friend
This is just breaking my heart and I don't know what to do to help him. He has very low self esteem and falls asleep during recess he has no one to play with. and we don't know anyone around here. So we don't have anyone visit us or come over to our house. what can I do to help my child.

[IMMOMMYOF4]

Thank you all so much, He is getting occupational therapy and I have now setup a therapist to come to the house and help him with his social skills. I am glad I found this place. And to know there are other parents out there who are going through the same things we are. I am working on looking for places or sports something that he might be interested in. It seems he likes things for a little while then he just pays no attention to them. But Thanks again I will look into the cub scouts.

[jdtm]

The previous two posters had some excellent suggestions.  Our grandchild suffers from severe anxiety.  When she began school, she had difficulty with social interactions.  So her parents hired an art therapist to help her with social skills.  Using art as a medium, this therapist worked with our granddaughter at school (usually a half hour before recess) and then would monitor her efforts during playtime.  After, she would debrief her on what she did correctly and what actions/words could be improved.  She really was worth her weight in gold!  Some school boards do have therapists on staff so it might be wise to ask the school counsellor or principal if such a person exists in your area.  Our school system employed a therapist, but she was so "booked up" that our granddaughter's parents hired an outsider (after getting permission from the school board).  Just another suggestion for helping our children to learn how to socialize ....

[specialmom]

Oh, your post makes me sad.  I'm the mother as well of a boy that I've watched struggle.  All parents go through difficult things but the pain of having a child diagnosed with autism or a developmental delay (mine has sensory integration disorder) and how this issue affects them is really hard to describe.  I think I went through a bout of depression and anxiety when my son was being diagnosed.  You also can easily become isolated when dealing with such issues.  So I really feel for you and my heart aches as well for your boy.

My son had an issue with making friends as well.  He had some social skill deficits---- things that came naturally to other kids had to be taught to my son.  He also had some things that he did that were very off putting to other kids.  But . . . HE was very motivated to have friends.  So we worked on it.  We did a social skills camp through an occupation therapist's office.  It was for any child that had social skills things to work on (and not making friends well fits into that category)---  kids with aspergers, adhd, sensory and no diagnosis at all.  It was awesome and my boy got a lot out of it.  They covered things like proper conversation techniques (eye contact, facing the person you are talking to, talking and waiting your turn to talk----- listening), boundary issues (standing the right distance apart from someone), how to ask someone to play and what to do if they say no, play skills such as sharing, taking turns deciding what to play and being a good sport.  I saw that our school also had access to a program like the one we attended in the city----- so as you get to know your school counselor, you can ask about this. Rockrose is absolutely right-----------  helping with this is part of the counselor's job.  He/she may have all sorts of ideas for you.  Our school runs "friends groups"--------- about 6 different types.  It matches up kids by age and interest and helps them along in building a friendship.  I also agree that Cub scouts is awesome.  AWESOME!!  They have all kinds of kids in the group and the teach respect and helping each other---------  so it is a pretty "warm" place for a child.  Rockrose gave good suggestions to that.  

I also think you can talk to his teacher.  Part of their job is to facilitate social interaction.  A child's full school experience is academic along with social and most school's recognize that.  

I'd make your home an open house to anyone that wants to come by.  I'd start volunteering at the school and definately join PTA.  You will meet other mom's at school and be able to set up some play dates.  Yep------ treat them like good old fashioned play dates.  You invite kids over and have things set up to do--------- games, tag in the back yard, do a craft (kids all seem to love that), bake some cookies with them-------  but you stay involved and help your child along.  Watch him and see what he is lacking in social skills and help him improve in that area.  
One thing to is to keep your child current on what the "in" thing is.  My son was on a play date that wasn't going so well when he was 4 and I realized that they were trying to play super heroes and my boy didn't have any idea who spiderman was.  So, we started learning who the super heroes are.  Sounds silly------- but unless you know what kids your age are into-----  you might have a hard time relating to them.  This past summer it was "Avatar the last Airbender" that all the boys talked about in my neighborhood.  Anyway, it helps to know what other boys his age like to do.  (not all, but a lot of them).
Last, I'd check to see if your local children's hospital has a support group.  Or go online and check in the area.  This is a great way to meet other families looking for people to hang out with.  They often have meeting groups and play dates.  

Good luck and well wishes to you and your family.

[RockRose]

Mommyof4,  you need to talk to the school counselor.    He sounds like a sweetheart - not the kind of child who would repel others by his disagreeable behavior.    There must be other children who are also sweet but lack social skills,  that they could recommend as friends to invite over for pizza and a movie.  

Did you really move SO far away that no one you know is in range to come visit for an afternoon on a weekend?  

I would recommend Cub Scouts for him.  Find out your local troop and get him in a den - this will give him a group of 8 boys to associate with and many of them will be quieter and have social interaction difficulties like your son.

Best wishes.   This is so painful.