My four year old son was taking his clothes off with his cousins.

Two years ago my 3 year old neice and and my four year old son were in the bathroom together. My son said, "I will show you mine if you show me yours?' They both came out and told on eachother. I corrected them by telling them that it is not nice or proper to show their privates to eachother. A short time after that my son and nephew were found naked in the playroom. They were not doing anything to eachother. Autamatically, my sister-in-law blamed my son. A couple weeks after that my son was at his cousins, when my husband went upstairs to check on them he found my nephew nude. This time my son was dressed. Each time we talked with our child and told him that he should not do that etcetra. Never again did it happen. I explained to the family that this is normal behavior and not to make such a big deal about it. My husbands side of the family insinuated that my son must of been sexually malested, and he is not normal. Even though I told them that my doctor said that it is normal behavior and it is even posted on the internet they still do not agree. They labeled my son and spread terrible rumors. I feel very uncomfortable around them because they outright told me that they don't want their kids alone with my son. He is a happy good child. I feel that if the behavior continued and I could not controll him, that would of been a reason to bring him for therapy. That was not the case, he listened and that was the end of it. But, the drama still continues among the family. Do you have any advice you can give them?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Based on your description, I would agree that the behavior is not outside the boundaries of normal for such young children. It is not likely that anything I can offer will mend the rift in the family. But it never hurts to get together to talk about it in a calm, reasonable, undefensive way. Sometimes a person who has the ear of the family is a good person to intervene. In the absence of success talking about it, letting the dust settle and letting some time go by to quiet the situation may be helpful. In other words, try not to press for resolution when feelings are strong.

[alaaron]

You are right on in saying that this is normal behavior.  Fortunately, for your son, you understand that this sexual exploration is a natural part of growing up.  Boys exploring with other boys is is more common than exploring with the opposite sex.  Convincing those who do not understand that this is natural that there is nothing to be concerned about will not be easy.

[Girl With Problem]

Set up security cameras in the bathroom and all of the other rooms that your son tends to be in while taking his clothes off. And, if it happens again, tell him that he shouldn't be taking his clothes off in front of anyone but you. This way, he will begin to bond more with you, and not be sexually malested as you were saying. If it happens again, show him the tape and tell him that that is him on the tape, and he will definetly feel very foolish.