My grandson screams when being left

[Tab371]

My two year old grandson screams and cries hysterically when he is left at daycare. At home if you even mention daycare he screams and cries no! We have talked to the daycare providers and they say he stops crying shortly after we leave but he stays to himself ll day and doesn't interact with the other toddlers. If some messes with his toys he drops them and runs to the provider.
We saw a lady at a cookout that used to babysit him- whom he likes very well- and when saw her he immediately started crying and clinging to daddy. He turned his face away and would not talk to her. A child younger than him was playing with his backpack and he started crying and came and got up in my lap.
I took him to Sunday School and he screamed and cried so hysterically that I couldn't even put him down. He just clung to me. I tried sitting on the floor telling him I wasn't leaving and we could play in Sunday School together but he would stop crying or even listen to me.
Dad and mom are divorced and live 9 hours apart. When dad picks him up he screams and kick and cries for days that he wants his mommy.  His dad can't leave the room without him crying and running after him.
I took him to his md who told us that he doesn't show signs of autism, but I don't know what to do to help him adjust.  Can you give me some ideas?

[adgal]

My 2 year old is very attached to both myself and my husband, but I know he would have a very very rough time if seperated from me for a few days.  It has to be awfully confusing for the poor little guy to go to dad's for a few days at a time and be away from his mother.  Then to be seperated from her while at daycare too.  It sounds to me like he has some pretty serious seperation anxiety going on.  I have to ask the same question as Specialmom.  Is there no way mom and dad can live closer together?  Or, for dad's time with him could he not come stay in the same town as mom for those few days?  That way he could spend time with his son without the little guy being taken from his mother for those days.  It might help.

Also, my son (also 2) goes to daycare.  We started out at 3 days a week.  When we started him out, we gradually increased the length of time he was left there.  So, to begin with, I spent a full day there with him.  Then I slowly left, starting with an hour, increasing it over time until it was a full day.  In the fall he will be going 5 days a week.  But this way he got to know his caregivers there and the other kids with me present.  He does very well there now and is happy and well adjusted.  I think it was much better then just dropping him and leaving, at least for my son.  Plus, he learned that no matter what, I always come get him.  

I also personally feel that when a child is in daycare, it's super important for his non daycare hours to be spent with mommy.  I almost never go anywhere without him.  When in the care of another all day, it's super important that they have their mother's full attention the rest of the time.  Just my opinion.

[Sandman2]

   I feel for the little guy.  Did he just turn two? or is he closer to 3?
The fact he does stop crying soon after being left at daycare is good news.  But the fact he stays by himself all day is not healthy.  Are the other kids much older (or younger) then him?   Does the daycare provider try to get him involved?  Any chance that you could spend part of your day at the daycare to watch him and see what he is doing?
    Also, I am trying to figure out if you live in the same town as his dad or his mom? Just trying to figure out how much of the crying stories you have heard are second hand or you have actually witnessed.   I am thinking that you live in the same area as your daughter?

[allmymarbles]

Only two and already has lost his father. Take him out of daycare. He can't afford to lose his mother as well.

[specialmom]

Oh, this makes me sad for this little boy.  Divorce is really hard on a child who simply doesn't understand.  He's clearly suffering anxiety.  Could his dad move closer to his mother?  That would be the best thing for he child.