Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

My kid is being beat up

I have a concern about aggressive behavior in a nearly 3 year old child.  I trade babysitting with my neighbor and her little boy.  My son has never been hurt while she is babysitting, but her child is aggressive to my child everytime I am present.  My little guy (3yr 2mo) is not typically aggressive, but has had his moments of glory in the aggression ring.  His little friend that comes over to play and to be babysat is what I feel, very aggressive.  I understand that aggressive behavior in toddlers is typical due to communication issues, independance struggles, situational (tired, hungry, sick) and so on.  My son has come away from some of his playdates bruised and or bloody.  The last playdate my son was punched in the face, thrown to the concrete, pinned and held to the floor (while screaming bloody murder), and jerked back by his shirt at the neck, while he was walking forward.  That action took him to the floor on his rearend in a backwards motion strong enough to pull off his shoes.  The peroid of play time was less than an hour, with the childs mother present.  A few playdates ago her son bit my son's nose, severly bruising his nose and upper lip and broke the skin at the side of his nose.  She was not present for that one.  The issues are usually about a toy, rather the fact my guy has a toy the other child has to have and my guy gets hurt in the transfer of said toy.  The Mother of the offending child sternly tells the child - No No that is not nice.  That is not how we treat our friends.  You need to appologize.  The child screams through the entire ordeal, never appologizes and begins the next attack.  Sounds brutal, but trust me it is more brutal to watch it happen.  My son is typically a peaceful not whiny kind of kid.  His only biting was way back when he was nursing.  But now that has changed.  Since being bit by the neighbor's child, he bit me this last weekend, just kind of randomly and not in a raised emotional state.  He has also picked up the crying/whining at EVERYTHING if he doesn't get his way, thing his little friend does whenever they are together.  One other observation I have made with this little boy is that he is very aggressive and hurtful to his cat and my dog, when he is in a playful state.  Seriously, I know I can just end the playdates and babysitting, but I actually care for and like my neighbor and I like my son to be socialized with different children as he is a stay at home kid.  I don't think the Mom is dealing with the situation very well, and I don't know what to do with it either.  HELP PLEASE
3 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
Avatar universal
You should stop having your son around this child.  And stop the mother of the abusive child from watching your son.  Since she is obviously not keeping her son from hurting him.  Your son is more then likely becoming aggressive because of how this other child treats him.  Either mimicking the behavior because maybe he thinks it is normal since it doesn't sound like the mother is really doing anything about it.  Or he is becoming aggressive as a result to protect himself.  Either way...the child is abusive...the mother is allowing it to happen.  It is NOT good to let this continue.  Regardless of how your relationship with the mother is.  I had a very good friend in high school, and we both had a boy about the same time.  We were out of contact for awhile and then when the kids were about 2 we started to hang out together again.  But her son was very aggressive, loud, rude, and would take things from my son and push him and what not.  I immediately stopped all play dates.  And kept our friendship as a talking on the phone one.  If you do not want to stop the play dates and babysitting...then you need to have a very serious conversation with your friend.  Behavior like that in a young child is not good, for him or anyone else around him.  And if she does not get him under control now, he will continue being very abusive.  Perhaps it is something in the home that you don't know about.  Maybe the child has a disorder that makes him violent.  But something needs to be done NOW.  Especially since your child is the one taking the beatings, and is starting to copy the behavior.   If that child was in a daycare or school...doing those things...he would be kicked out quickly.  It is unacceptable behavior.  And if your child was in a daycare and he came home bloody and bruised by one of the adults would you just "let it go" and let your child continue to be abused?  Whether it is an adult or a small child, allowing your own child to constantly be abused is going to hurt him waaaaaay more then lack of social time.  Find other parents, parks, play groups, etc for his social time.  Sorry if this seems long and perhaps somewhat negative.  I was bullied a lot as a child, and my parents and teachers never stepped in to help or stop it.  And it has caused me to have a lot of anger at my parents, and I tend to stay away from social events because I was always hurt when I was around other people.  I have been working on that, but still 15 years later that abuse still weighs on me heavily.  Currently my 8 yr old is very "nerdy".  And I have taught him that people who are not nice and respect him are people he should simple not be around.  And that what other people think doesn't matter.  Because he will always have a caring loving FAMILY that will be there for him no matter what.  He is very happy with this.  Even as a family we have decided that no friends and loving family is better then bad friends (which bad friends really aren't friends at all are they?).  Also the fact that this mother allows her child to beat your child on a regular basis kind of says how much she respects and cares for you and your child.  Perhaps you should evaluate the friendship, is it really one worth trying to salvage...at your child's expense?
Helpful - 0
13167 tn?1327194124
I agree with Margy.  

I think you need to see your friend for lunches out with women,  or stuff like that,  and keep the two kids apart.  It isn't fair to your son.  

I say this,  although my best friend while my children were growing up had a son who continuously hurt my children,  and we got together all the time.     In retrospect,  it was stupid of me to have allowed that to continue all those years.    I had to be vigilant,  and even with vigilance he was still able to hurt them - at virtually every get together.   When my kids weren't around,  he was pummeling his younger sisters.  

My oldest son considered this child his "best friend" growing up,  though,  because we got together several times a week.  He is now a homeless,  goalless druggie.  

But I digress.  Find kids who treat your son with kindness and respect.  
Helpful - 0
535822 tn?1443976780
Not good to allow your child to be injured by another so find other children for socialisation, this is not good and hurting helpless animals isnt kind either, so unless you want your child copying this behavior as thats what children do, find other friends .you say he bit you, so there is no other answer....
Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Child Behavior Community

Top Children's Health Answerers
189897 tn?1441126518
San Pedro, CA
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Fearing autism, many parents aren't vaccinating their kids. Can doctors reverse this dangerous trend?
Is a gluten-free diet right for you?
We answer your top questions about the flu vaccine.
Learn which over-the-counter medicines are safe for you and your baby
Yummy eats that will keep your child healthy and happy
Healing home remedies for common ailments