My out of control 3 and 4 year old!

I have a 3 and a 4 year old who are becoming way out of control. They have more than what most kids have, I give them all mg love and attention but they still seem to hate me. Their father and I divorced when mg youngest was one and oldest 2 and I'm not sure if their behavior is a result of that and going back an forth between us but its gettin worse. They never sit still not even to eat or watch a movie, they hit, spit, and yell when they get upset. When playing they break toys, and will literally destroy a room. My 3 year old when getting in trouble even if I'm not the one doing it will take it out on me, hitting me and callin me stupid. When going places they will run off and I will have to chase after them and If not gettig something they want will get very disruptive! When asking them to do something its as if they are deaf and just do not hear a word I say. When playing together and getting mad they will literally punch each other as hard as they can. In the face or anywhere else or bite and throw toys. When I am not around I have had people tell me that my boys are so well behaved and did a great job. They both are very smart and artistic and have a great imangination and there are time when they do listen and behave And are praised for it but their bad behavior is about 90% of the time. I'm not sure what mg question is, just wanting to know if it's just their age, if they might have ADHD, or if it's a result from going between their father and I??

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

The fact that they do well when in the presence of others tells you that the problem is in the parent/child domain. It is not their age and not ADHD (otherwise they'd have these problems everywhere). The back-and-forth bewteen households may be contributing to the problem, but in any case your behavior management skills need improvement. Arrange an appointment with a pediatric mental health or behavioral health clinician. This person can evaluate the situation and develop a plan for intervention.