My seven year old nephew keeps wetting himself at school?

[jessiekauai]

Hi, I'm new to this forum....so I would like to just hi to everyone out there.

Now, my problem. My seven year old nephew keeps wetting himself at school. This has started this week. Me and my mother can't figure out what the problem is. His mother is in and out of his life, and right now my brother has custody of him. Two days ago we get a call from school saying we needed to bring a change of clothes. My mom went to the school and asked him why he did it. He said his teacher wouldn't let him go to the bath room. When he got home, we talked about it more. My mother thought maybe he was just too lazy to get up to go. After he had changed out of his school clothes, we did homework with him. When we picked up his clothes, we found out they were wet again. That's twice in one day. My mom again asked him what the problem was, he said he was on the bus and couldn't hold it. So, we told him to go to the bathroom before getting on the bus. Yesterday, his clothes was wet again after school. I'm worried about what's going on with him. He just recently saw his mother for the first time in a while. Could this be the reason for the all of a sudden urinating on himself? He acted a little differently when he came back from his mom's too. No smile on his face, yet he wanted to go back again this weekend. I'm worried that someone might be touching him somewhere. I read that abuse could cause this kind of thing. If that is the case, which I don't know if it is, how do you ask a seven year old that kind of question? What if someone is hurting him at his moms, but he misses her too much for him to tell us. ?

Any advise would be appreciated. We take care of this little boy as much as we can. We try to keep him happy, and we love him so much. Please...anybody have answers?

[mammo]

Oh, this is so sad, that poor little boy.  Be very understanding when he wets himself, and talk to him and assure him that if he is hurting, sad, or fearful, he can tell you and it will make him feel better. Get a line of communication going, so he feels he can trust someone.  I'm not a professional but I don't think it's healthy for his mom to be allowed to do this to her son.  I do wish you all the best.  Thank God he has you!

[jessiekauai]

Thank you both so much for the help. He wet himself again on Friday. It's really bothering me. His mother has been doing this in and out thing since he was born. My brother is in "love," whatever! He loves her so much, he can't get his head out of his butt to see what is actually going on. Last night, by all means...she wanted to see her son. So my brother waited at MC Donalds for two hours for her to show up. She never did. She is a drug addict, and she doesn't care about her son much at all. We are definitely looking into getting him a therapist. On Friday, he lied and said he had not wet himself, but when my mom checked his clothes...they were wet again. They weren't soaking wet, so I think he must have sat in Pee all day; so we wouldn't know he peed on himself. It's so sad.

[mammo]

Considering the circumstances, I'm inclined to believe it is due to something emotional, but figuring out what that is, can be difficult.  I personally don't feel it's a good idea for his mom to be popping in and out of his life.  Children love their parents no matter how abusive, this is something I learned when going thru classes to become a Foster Parent.  I don't know the reason his mother is not involved, but I think the father needs to determine if this is healthy for him.  He's a little boy dealing with too much, fortunately he has the three of you who love and protect him.  I would want a child psychologist to evaluate him, learn what his fears and worries are, and if seeing his mother is a good thing. I'm all for both parents being involved, but not popping in and out like this, it just confuses them more.  Since he started doing this after visiting his mother, obviously there's an issue somewhere within the visits, and I would not let this continue without getting him evaluated. This could carry on with him throughout life, so you need to nip any problems in the bud to ensure he has a happy childhood and grows into a happy adult.  This makes me so sad, I'm glad he has all of you to love him.  I wish you all the best and take care.  

[AnnieBrooke]

Well, I think you are asking all the right questions.  It sounds related to having seen his mom, not necessarily sexual abuse but maybe stress.  I guess I'd ask him what they did when they were together, and stuff like that, in a casual tone of voice.  It is not to say that he was touched or abused, he might just be distressed by having seen her, if he loves and misses her.  Can you think of any way to be around during his visits to her, that doesn't make it obvious that you are monitoring the situation?  

To handle the immediate problem, you might buy some of the pullups made for bigger kids and put him in them, so he at least doesn't have to feel humiliated in front of the other kids at school on top of everything else.  

I'd talk to a children's therapist to see what the train of events suggests.