My son wets his pants all the time!!!

Hello all, new here.  I just don't know where to turn.  My son is 4 years old and has taken to wetting his pants numberous times a day.  I have read those "Toddler-how-to" books, and none of them seem to help.  I just recently had baby number 2 in March, in a way, I think he is trying to compete for my attention.  Because before #2 came along, he was doing awesome.  He was finally potty trained last october.  And it is not just the "accidents," but when I tell him to do something, he slumps over, crosses his arms and just tries to act all pitiful.  This happens SEVERAL times a day.  My husband is no help to top it off.  Our son runs him over with a Mack truck all the time and my hubby has pretty much given up, so with that, I feel I am the only one doing the parenting.  My son is also starting to act out verbally.  He's not saying bad words, curse words are just not a part of our vocabulary.  But when asked to do something, he will yell at us saying "ALRIGHT!!!" or "Whatever" and other stuff like "I'm outta here!"  That's also another thanks to my husband.  My husband gets as frustrated as I do, but what he doestn't understand, I am with my son 24/7.  My husband has job that he is gone for two or three days and home about the same amount of time.  But while he is home all he wants to do is sleep.  He doesn't even help me around the house anymore.  I am almost to my breaking point.  Please, some helpful advice.

[emmaboo]

I AM A NEW MOMMY SO I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. I COULD SAY SPEN D MORE TIME WITH HIM BUT YOU A PROBABLY LIMITED ON TIME AS IT IS.  IF I WERE IN YOUR SHOES I WOULD USE THE RELATE-TO-THEM METHOD I LEARNED I MY PSYCH CLASS IN COLLEGE.  WHEN HE WETS HIS PANTS AND U KNOW THAT IT ISN'T AN ACCIDENT, SAY TO HIM I KNOW WHY U WET YOUR PANTS ITS BECAUSE U WANT MORE ATTENTION FROM MOMMIE OR WHEN HE YELLS AT U WHEN U TELL HIM TO DO SOMETHING SAY I KNOW U DON'T WANT TO DO IT BECAUSE U R A KID AND THINK U SHOULDN'T HAVE TO BUT U R A BIG BOY KNOW AND MOMMIE NEEDS HELP.  STUFF LIKE THAT IT MIGHT HELP.

[sadmommyofaleah]

that wetting his pants is a sign for sure , does he stay with babysitters or in a daycare of some sort ?

[anxiousmomtobe?]

4 year olds are defiant by nature.  Everyone talks about the terrible twos, but I personally found that last year before school the hardest.

Sit down and talk with your son, calmly explain that he is a big boy and you knwo he can use the toilet.  Ask him why he is having problems.  Rule out any medical cause like a uti.

You son is yanking your chain, and reacting to the new baby.  This is just a stage and it will pass. Dont' punish, but offer rewards for good behaviour.  ( if you are dry all day I will take you to the park after supper)

Don't bribe with food or expensive things, my guess is what he really wants is to be the centre of attention like he was before the baby.  

[alec'smom]

You are at a rough point!  Four was awful with my son - really awful.  I agree with the other poster, 2 and 3 is nothing compared to 4.  I was so frustrated and exhausted with my son at 4, I did not think he would ever start to "mature".  And if I had to use one word to describe that age - I would use defiance.  The funny thing is my son just turned 6 and it is amazing how much he has matured and changed since the horrible 4's.  When I look back at pictures he looks so little and young that I can't believe how hard I was on him at that age.  Now my daughter is 4 and once again, it is far worse than 2 or 3.  It is easier said than done, but try to remember that it will change.  FYI, something that worked for us on the wetting thing.  At 4, my son would wet his pants everytime I would put him in timeout.  At first, I acted like "oh, you had an accident."  He would tell me that he had to go potty, but he could not get to the bathroom because I put him in time out.  His way of punishing me.  After months of wetting his pants everytime he went to timeout, I finally wrapped a windbreaker around his waist and made him wear his wet pants for the rest of the day.  I told him the windbreaker was so that he would not get it on my furniture.  He never did it again.  I would not use this unless you are absolutely positive that he is doing it out of defiance.  Good Luck!