My stepson sleeps with his mom and her various boyfriends.

I would like to start out by saying that I do understand that people have different parenting styles that are equally effective. I only know mine so I would like a professional opinion. My stepson (6) spend 50% of his time with us, at our house he and his baby brother (5 months) share a room and his sisters (8 and 5) share a seperate room. We are lucky enough to be able to afford a big enough home to separate them this way. My stepsons mother is not able to afford the same living situation. She and her son share one room and his uncle lives in the 2nd bedroom of the apartment. WHile I don't believe in sharing a bed with my children I do know it is common practice for a lot of people. (If my kids are scared I will stay with them in their bed until they settle, but I believe the parents bed is where an "adult" relationship happens and am more comfortable keeping the 2 separate)

My issue is that the mother has had quite a few boyfriends (which is her business) over the past year. I would say a new one every 3-4 months and the boyfriend will share mom's bed as well. I don't think that they have a sexual relationship when the son is there, but they do cuddle etc. To me this is wrong and I am concerned it will affect my stepsons emotional and psychological development. I feel that when the boyfriend visits the son should have a "campout" on the couch. I also know that there is domestic abuse going on at the house with the current boyfriend. I only know this because my husband is a deputy and has had to respond to her house for those matters. (quite embarrassing for her I am sure) The son on both of those instances was at my house for the evening thank goodness. (The son says that his mom gets yelled at a lot but he does not, I feel bad asking him but we just want to make sure he is safe, he will also protect his mom so we aren't ever sure if what is said is 100% true)

If I am overreacting it would be good to know. Thank you.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Your instincts are correct. Your stepson should ne be sharing a bed with his mother, particularly (but not only) when the mother's boyfriend is there as well.