I am so completely distraught As a SURVIVOR of child sexual assault myself I've always been very worried that this would happen to my children (I have a 9 year old son and a 6 year old stepson as well as my daughter) and I've always tried to stress the importance of telling me if something is happening to them that they don't like or that hurts them...especially touching in the private area or someone asking them to touch them. I've tried to always keep an open dialogue and randomly will talk about it with them in a casual sort of way so I don't scare them or make them feel like they did something wrong if this ever did happen. A few weeks ago I had an appointment and had my father in law come over and sit with my daughter (she's two and a half) for a few hours. Later when I got home and was changing her diaper she said "Pop do this," and rubbed herself. My instincts immediately went into place but I kind of just played it cool so she wouldn't feel tension or think she did something wrong. I asked her to tell me again and again she said and did the same thing. Of course I wouldn't ever leave my children with a person I suspected might abuse them but sadly I know the statistics on how that usually works out. I decided to ask her some questions that I already knew the answer to in a way that seemed kind of playful. I asked her if I do that and she said yes. Well, I don't so at that point I was on guard but decided to keep a close eye and see if she said anything else that would trigger concern. My father in law was at our home with our daughter today during her nap time. Later in the evening I asked her if Pop changed her diaper and she said yes followed with, "And he did this again," and once again rubbed herself. I told my husband about what she said a few weeks ago but this was the first time that he heard or seen her say it. I didn't want to over question her or "plant" ideas so I just asked her if he wiped her with a wipe or his hand....she said hand and wipe. Again I just kind of played it off so she wouldn't feel like she shouldn't tell us. When I changed her diaper before bed I asked her to show me how Pop wiped her. She used a wipe and showed me and then used her finger and rubbed her vagina. She said, "Pop tickled my flower. It tickles." When our kids were in bed I cried and cried because I just FEEL like this isn't right. I'm thinking that I should make a doctors appointment to see what our doctor says about it but there's no physical appearance of anything. No bleeding, redness, etc. So if he did do something wrong he left no evidence that can be seen at least from the outside. My daughter has been changed by my husband as well and she has never said this about anyone else. If I call CPS I'm afraid she'll be taken from our home or that they'll take all our kids, especially since it seems that every time I ask her something she says yes, like when I asked her if mommy did that too. My kids and I are very close and I cannot bare the thought of something happening to them or having them stolen from me. If CPS got involved would me and my husband be looked at like suspects? What are the steps for something like this?
I'd get a nannycam and film Grandpa around your daughter. I understand this means she might have to deal with being tickled one more time, but you would then have the proof you need. Where is your husband in all of this? Once he heard what your daughter said, did he believe her?
You're right to be careful about not asking her and asking her, and to act casual about it all. No, Children's Protective Services will not yank the kids from your home if someone is tickling your daughter on her privates, they won't blame you for the actions of someone else. That said, having his behavior recorded is going to help you with them and with any criminal complaint that is filed.
I thought about doing the same thing with the cameras. My husband is on the same page as me....he doesn't want to believe that someone we trust (especially his own father) would do such a thing to ANY child, let alone his own granddaughter but when we talked about it last night we both agreed that regardless of who or what someone is to us if they hurt our children they must be held accountable. We both just cried and cried after we put our kids to bed and we could finally let our feelings out. My husband also has a sister who has never said anything or acted in a way that would indicate any kind of strain on the relationship with my father in law. But with that being said, how many times has it been heard that stuff like that happened to a child who carried it until later in adulthood? I don't want to call CPS or involve authority because these are serious accusations that could fracture our family and if he left no evidence of doing this it would be something that I would always question. But on the other hand, I won't be one of those moms who let their emotions get in the way of what's wrong and right. The camera would allow me to know for sure and if it did turn out that it was happening it wouldn't really matter what my daughter said because it would be there in black and white. I know it's senseless but I don't want CPS to blame us because I have always been so vigilant about making sure my kids are safe. If this is happening I've exposed my daughter and offered her up to a pervert. My mother was raped by her step father as a child and it still controls her life and I was molested by a neighbor. I swore I'd break the cycle and now I think I very well could have failed. Today she rubbed herself when I was changing her and I asked her where she learned that from and she said Pop which hasn't changed but she also said one of her Aunts name too. Yesterday when she first told my husband and I that Pop tickled her I asked if mommy did and she said yeah. She kind of just thinks it's funny so I wonder if she just throws in other things to be funny because she laughs about it. But Pop never changes. I've heard of this happening with other peoples children where they'll disclose to someone but different things change because they don't really know it's bad and in my daughters case she seems to be putting what she thinks is a silly twist on it. If he is doing this I think the fact that she laughs it off will be the worse part. And of course I can't get all upset because I don't want her to see that so I just kind of go with it which is pretty damn hard to do. My father and I get along really well but I don't want him around my children until I know what's going on. The thought of leaving her with him again makes my stomach flip and my palms sweaty but if he's doing this then he needs to be stopped. I had a friend who has a daughter that was molested by a family member as well. She was about the same age as my daughter is now and even though the person who did it ADMITTED to it as well as failed a lie detector test he was never charged with anything because they said they couldn't take a statement of a 3 year old. He should be on the sex offender registry but instead he had his parental rights terminated and that was it. He said he only admitted to it because the cops threatened to put him in jail if he didn't but I'm sorry, there's NO way I'd ever say I hurt my child when I didn't. The point is, everyone knows he was touching her but they could do nothing. I don't want that same thing to happen to my daughter.
Get the camera. They can be well hidden in clocks, etc. and put near the changing table with a clear view. If you're going to risk fragmenting the family if you make the accusation, you definitely have to have clear proof that anyone would be able to recognize. (No blurry, grainy images will do.) If you can't get the proof, keep the man away from the child.
My husband I are ordering two nanny cams, one for in her room and the other for our living room. We're going to install and test them out to make sure they work and the picture is clear. Then I'm going to arrange for him to sit for me. I want this done pronto so I'm going to call the company I found a few nanny cams I thought would be good on Monday and talk to a customer service rep to make sure it will give me the line of view I need to have and then I'm ordering them. He will not be left alone with any of my kids and he came by tonight and my husband was upset about it but I keep telling him we have to act like nothing is wrong because if he is doing this I don't want to tip him off that we suspect something. Will having video footage ensure a criminal conviction if something bad is happening?
Yeah, I know. But I have to believe that if this man is touching my daughter and I have video footage it will save her. How can anyone do those things? My gut tells me it's true and just thinking about it makes my heart race. My husband is beside himself with this, after all this is his father who we suspect my be molesting our baby girl. HIS baby girl. I've talked to and asked my boys about people who do these things and I'm pretty confident that nothing has happened to them but doesn't most perverts prefer one sex to another? I mean, if this man is molesting my daughter then I wonder if something has happened with my boys? Is it typical for perverts to favor one sex?
Do you have any follow up to this??? I have a stepchild that called her privates her "tickle spot" and we are concerned something has happened at her mother's home or daycare. I'm curious to see if the nanny cams gave you any proof. We are unfortunately unable to use nanny cams since it is not happening in our home.
I'm currently going thru something incredibly similar. Only authorities have been notified and I have been beside myself. I know this post was last year, but is anyone still following this post & can be of some helpful insight for me?
I'm sorry to say that it turned out he was touching my daughter. She wasn't able to give a forensic interview because of her age (my state won't do until 3) but it was on the video. After he was arrested and we told our other children he won't be around anymore my stepson disclosed. He admitted to doing it to another girl who is a child of another family member. There was a woman older than I am that also came forward. My daughter and stepson both had rape kits done and - what a surprise - there was no evidence of sexual abuse. He was just sentenced in March and received 15-50 years. He will likely die in prison. I would check into your state laws because I thought you could send a cam on a child to another location?? I'm not sure about that one but I thought I've heard of parents doing that and sending their kid to the sitter or daycare? I hope you guys can find out what's going on for sure and I pray that it's not happening but if it is, I pray that the people doing it are held accountable! Prayers to you and yours!
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