Need advice in anger control for 4 1/2 yr old son

Our first child, when he was 8-9 months old at night he will cry so loud screaming , so me & my husband thought since we both work that we have over slept and he must have been hungry,since we did not hear him  he was so angry and we try to calm him , when we carry him he would step on us crying loud and he refuse to take breast milk, and we thaught it was colic,  so we gave gripe water etc always he will get calm after 10- 15 min and last option was showing our dog   2 or 3 am . Me & my husband both have very high temper. And i was a fan of thsee detective, murder case movies , eg-CSI etc..and when i was pregnant desier was so much to watch them, one time after coming home from work 7 pm in the same dress i was non stop playing with him till 4 am he wasn't giving up. 1 1/2 yrs old.We had to off the main switch.He slept as a baby 6-8 hrs only.Very very active.But something went wrong some where.He spoke little late , when we draw he was frastraited since he cant draw with his baby talk , he was crying and making us draw the same thing again  and again if we misunderstood him and draw somthing else he was making a tranturm since he can't communicate.

At the age of 2 I gave up my job to look after him, once i could not understand what he was saying and when he was frastraited i tried to calm him by holding him him bit me so badly  my soulder i had to remove him with great difficulty,to pull him down to the bed.To make him sleep we had to say weewilly winckie will come etc so if he is frietened them he will obey , but we know his self esteem will be low. But how to control him For him we cant decipline,he wont satisfy , there is no end if we start , even a story at night sometime it will go up to 5.By force we have to make him sleep.till now he is bedwetting.Screaming &hitting  at mid night saying he has seen nightmares.He is 4 1/2 now I gave breastmilk till 3 1/2, when the second baby came now 1 yr 3 month elder ones situations  worsen.His speech is still not clear, baby talk.He controls only when watching cartoons.He distroy all his cars by hitting to the ground.He prefer violence.If someone fell he laugh.He is too shy, Too scared of the dark.Dont like to stay alone.Even outside when playing someone has to be there.we spoke to a gen.psychiatric to see if he ha ADD or autism , she said none.when he was fighting to hold him , not shwing our angry face.Byforce when we do that he was more scared and his behavier is worse.
up to today he shout , so to control we have to speak to him louder.When we say , No, or don't do that it's bad he gets
angry , as he was ashamed sort of.He twist his legs together and he put all his energy to his anger...
Now 4 1/2, in our culture we hit them when they make  violence to themself or others. Still with him he will come to attack , won't surrender.

I am too deppressed !!! In Pre School he is silent, but other children bully him and he gets angry and he run after then other kids enjoy this . Techers say that even to sit that they have to come and make him sit.As he wanted attension.
Sometime it is too tiering to give all the energy with house work etc.,
Now he try to be like the baby , he does what baby does.I feel like he becoming a baby sort of.
Please help me I want to save my Child and to slove my family problem.
Thanks
Udaw

[angelinamarina]

Have you looked into Childhood Bi-polar?  Google it, and see if you think he has the symptoms.  Have you looked into Oppositional Defiant Disorder?  These two things come to mind.  If you see your son in the descriptions, take him to another psychiatrist and show them what you have found.
I am with you on this...I have a 5 year old girl who acts just like this...except she bullies other kids at school.  She is possibly either bi-polar or severe ADHD...but she is young to tell for sure.
There is ONE thing that has helped her VERY MUCH.  It is a medication called Risperdal and was prescribed by a developmental pediatrician.  It is used for aggression and irritability in Autism spectrum children.  It is approved in the USA for children 5 and up, but my daughter started at 4.5 years.  It is THE ONLY thing that has helped us cope.  
I am sorry that you are dealing with this.  I totally know what you mean about being depressed about it.  Sometimes it seems overwhelming but things probably will get better with the right physician and help.
Angi

[angelinamarina]

I forgot to mention also that we give our daughter 1/2 of a children's chewable melatonin at night and it helps her sleep.  Otherwise, she would not go to sleep until 3 or 4 am.  If you are in the USA, the store Trader Joe's has children's chewable mint flavored melatonin in 500 MCG tablets.  really, these are a lifesaver and we NEVER leave home without it.  Our girl is unable to calm down to sleep no matter what.  Her behavior is much better when she does get sleep.
Also, as I re read your posting...ADHD really does come to mind.

[Udaw]

Thank you very much Oppositional Defiant Disorder?for the advice, I actually looked for what you said about ADHD and Oppositional Defiant Disorder , yes both symptomsare similar it seems.But i think we need to get professional opinion again.

Marian even the knowledge parents level that you have with regards to mental illnessis very high.I guess U.S is full equipeted with advance science in all areas .Compare to our country (Sri Lanka) we are still in 70's .So these Melatonin is not available in pharmacy's yet.I pray and wish all the best with ragard to your daughter's condition and hope it will be a mild illness!

His Pediatrician told us when we said that his condition, she told us that at this stage all the boys are at some point they are hyper nothing to worry , but lookout for his speech development since that is much less compare to his age, and ask us to take some tests. Still unfortunately we could not go with the baby getting sick and , there is a Epademic now in our country with " Dengu Fever".So worried to take the children much outdoor at day times.  

After contacting a Child Psychologist I will let you know his details.Thanks again for reading my story and it gave me hope !  Please ignore if I wrote any offeding things.These days my mind is not that clear to think straight.


Thank you Marina!