Need advice on how to handle situation

[always sad]

I have been living with my partner for one year now.  She moved in with me and has a 12 year old son.  He is her only child.  I have no children of my own, but do have a niece and nephew that I have spent plenty of time with.  My partner thinks the world of her child and will even tell you "he's damn near perfect".  Her child's Dad does not give him the time of day, so when he comes back from visiting at his dad's he is quite mouthy and attention seeking.  I rarely have to address anything at all, but have addressed him not keeping his room clean, playing too ruff with the dog, etc.  Anytime I address my concerns with my partner we have a big fight.  She gets extremely defensive and always makes me out to be the bad guy for even bringing it up.  The most recent incident was her child answering when I was calling her name and interupting our conversations.  Every time it was her time to respond, he would join in and respond for her or when I would call her "honey", he would chime in and say "yes"?  This had been going on for several days, so I addressed it with him this morning, however it continued, so I addressed it with her tonight.  Needless to say, we had an argument, and she claims that he was not trying to be disrespectful.  I don't know what to do anymore.  Any advice would be greatly appreciated?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

It's going to be imporatnt for you and your partner to work this out and get, as they say, 'on the same page'. Your ability to act in a role of adult authority will be undermined if your partner does not endorse what you are doing. For her part, she may be reluctant to set reasonable limits, and this is not a good thing. If you can't resoleve this by yourselves, it would be prudent to seek the help of a couple's therapist who can assist both of you.

[Trinity4Life37]

I have experienced the same ordeal in my life; however, It was the opposite. I was in the place of your partner with the son and daughter from a former marriage. My Husband, whom I've now been separated from for 3yrs., felt the same way you do and that was one of the reasons he left me. You must spend more time with her son alone so that he can trust you. Sons' are very territorial of their mothers' and they don't want anyone to come between them especially if the real father is around. So you must say, "Honey, I'm going to take little Jimmy out today." Don't stop there. Keep spending time with him alone. He'll begin to trust you for who you are and he won't mind if you and mommy hang out every once in a while. Don't let this drive you away from the woman you love. Take time to deal with the issue at hand. Invest time and patience, Always Sad. You won't regret it.

[linky loo]

I just recently got divorced and as a result my son and i moved back to my mothers place. I now find that my son seems to want more of his own way, he gets away with alot of things that i dont allow but my mom does so there's constant conflict with that. His also agressive and somewhat out of hand. I need advice on how to deal with this behaviour as i dont believe in scolding my boy!

[becket]

my 3 year old daughter is recently scared of everything for example if we have dinner guests over and are kind of loud she starts crying and gets very scared,she was scared of our friends cat and their childs toy dinasours,scared of any dark room ineed help in dealing with this behavior