Need immediate HELP! part 3

[michijames]

But yet 0 respect for me. Here is the twist and what I cannot understand he is not like that at his dads, there are no rules at his dads and not much homework gets done over there but he listens when he tells him something none of these symptoms have ever presented themselves over there. I of course get blamed for everything so I stopped a long time ago asking for support from his dad. Therapy has not helped I have tried everything EVERYTHING!  Now the new development is he wants to live with his dad and not with me anymore. What have I done wrong?
Frequent temper tantrums
Excessive arguing with adults
Often questioning rules
Active defiance and refusal to comply with adult requests and rules
Deliberate attempts to annoy or upset people
Blaming others for his or her mistakes or misbehaviour
Often being touchy or easily annoyed by others
Frequent anger and resentment
Mean and hateful talking when upset
Spiteful attitude and revenge seeking
I apologise for this being so terribly long I need help before I lose my son forever
At my wits end

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Your son may require out of home care, such as a residential treatment facility. In any case, he requires help right away. Ask his pediatrician for a recommendation.

[michijames]

I don’t know where to start, I am a single parent of a 9 year old boy, and I went through chemotherapy when I was pregnant after the first trimester was over right through until I delivered. I have provided a nice home from my son he is not without! When he was 6 he was diagnosed with epilepsy which is under control with meds. He sees his dad every other weekend and once during the week, he has never really been a part of my son’s life I have made all decisions concerning him as well. His father was abusive when we were in a relationship, he now belittles me in front of my son as well questions all my parenting decisions and calls when he has my son and starts “in” on the phone where my son can hear. I have always avoided that and not once (although at times would have loved to) never said a bad word about his father. Only until recently has his father held down a steady job instead of being a poker star he now has a wife and a child and a baby on the way. Things have calmed down lately but I think the damage is already done, it has been going on for a while and just getting worse, my son is mean to animals, there was a incident when he was 4 and he was bugging the poor cat and the cat had enough and took a nip, my son said I am going to get that cat. The next day he got up extra early and extra quiet so he wouldn’t wake me, I still to this day don’t know how I awoke and knew something was wrong, I found my son under the kitchen table in a pile of cat urine and he had stuck a whole fork down the cat’s throat. He has done nothing like that since but he bugs and bugs the animals and he finds it amusing. He has all these symptoms from oppositional defiant disorder and it is everyday it happens, and to add his father is exactly the same way. My son is now punched me in the face, thrown things at me, destroying my house purposely. My son tells me after every visit how much he doesn’t like his dad and he doesn’t love him, and all the bad things that happen over there. He is scared of his dad and they do not have an open and honest relationship like my son and I have.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

It sounds like you have detailed the symptoms that typify Oppositional Defiant Disorder.  This sort of situation invites professional intervention, in spite of the fact that you've run into some problems with it in the past.  Depending on your child's age, perhaps being with his father is the most sensible thing to do. What do you think?