Needing some answers

[jjcccc6]

I have entered a world of unknown with my almost 5 year old. I am a mother of 4 boys. My 4 year old being the third in the line up. Since he was an infant he was early to meet developemental milestone, however with that being said, I had always noticed he was very reserved or an "intravert". Never initiated play with other children. Prefers activities that are more for loners.. ie looking at books, collecting things. At about age 2.5 my son became almost fearful of interaction with other children, he would cry, run away or hide. I was aggressive in that I joined a play group and I encourage that he at least be around other children regaurdless if he interacted with them or not.
At around age 3.5 he started to exhibit some negative behaviors.. becoming snippy, instigating fights with his siblings all of which we thought was appropriate for his age. My son will be 5 next month and I am saddend and scared for some of the struggles he has shared with me.  He has become a very angry child. He is very defiant and will get physical, he will sit in time out and is very remorseful for his negative behavior. It is almost as if he "checks out" like fits of rage.  He is this was towards anyone he is comfortable with. He is enrolled in a pre k and he has had no issues there. He has said things to me like " I don't want to be bad my brain tells me to be bad" He has been seen hitting himself in the head and when asked to stop he said that his brain wants him to do it. recently, night terrors have started. In one dream he said he killed his baby brother and explained exactly how he did it. When I told him it was just a bad dream and that could never happen because we knew how much he loves his little brother he started to weap, and got very angry.. He said that he couldn't believe I thought he would do that, its his brain not him.  Just tonight in a nightmare he was yelling that he wanted to go home and was crying, and he was calling out for his younger brother but like in moarning... like something bad had happened again.

we have considerable mental illness in the family ranging from ocd, add, depression to schitzophrenia with multiple personality disorder. Myself and my husband are free from any mental illness.  I am worried for my little boy, he seems to be battling with himself. I don't know where to turn. We live in a very small town and mental illness or behavioral issues are frowned upon, those individuals are labeled and become outcasts. I do not want my child to suffer on any level. Any advice you have to offer is very much needed and appreciated.

Thank you for your time,

Proud Mother of 4 Boys

[jdtm]

Here is another thought ...  Your son reminds me of a friend's grandson - early milestones, socially introverted, negative behaviours at home, negative behaviours at school which began in Grade 2, extremely sensitive to others, and night terrors.  He was diagnosed with ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) when he was seven years of age.  That proved to be wrong.  He was then diagnosed with OCD which appears to fit.  It's still too soon to know for sure.  

If your son requires help, don't worry about what others "think".  As Dr. Phil says "you don't know what someone else is thinking".  It's laudable that  you don't want your son to "suffer", but he already is - all of us in this life will carry a burden; some sooner than others.  I do know that with mental health issues, the sooner the diagnosis and treatment; the faster and better the prognosis.  After all, it's all about what's best for your son - not the community in which you live.  Four sons - what a delightful but heavy load - all the best ...

[RockRose]

There's a lot in your post.

Your son reminds me of a boy  I know well,  very similar, and he's now in premed at Cal Berkeley.  ;D  He's never been diagnosed but I'm sure he has Aspergers syndrome.  

This child would have rages when over stimulated where I thought he would have a seizure or heart attack the rage was so severe and lasted so long.  It was just TOO MUCH for him to have to be in situations where other children were in his space for a long period of time.  Interestingly,  his mother is so like you - insisted he be in playgroups,  in cub scouts,  she'd say "it's not a choice whether you have a friend over,  but you can choose which friend" very matter of factly to him.    She was absolutely dedicated to making sure he developed socially as well as he possibly could.

I don't know if it worked or not.  Who knows how different he would be now if she had allowed him to choose how he wanted to spend his free time - for him,  that would have been watching favorite videos,  reading,  or playing with legos.  

This is hard.  You just won't know until he matures which way his life will go - but I can tell you from experience he might turn out fine with no major problems.  Just preferences for being solitary.

If he hit all his milestones early - including crawling and walking - it's unlikely he will be schizophrenic,  as I understand it.

Best wishes.