Neighbor boy played "penis game" w/son

We are obviously concerned and stunned. Our neighbor came over and told us her son was grounded because he and our son (both 8) had been caught touching eachother with their pants down the day before. When questioned, our boy said the other one started it and called it "the penis game". First they showed eachother and then they touched. When pushed as to how they touched, he made a poking motion. He said no one else had ever played this game with him and did not seem particularly upset by it or the conversation. Of course according to the other mom, her son said ours started it. This other boy has been a source of past problems, starting fights by using the finger, swearing, and just general mayhem that led me to call him a troublemaker to my boyfriend... We have many concerns - first, is this normal behavior?! Second, how do we handle it now? My instinct is to keep them far apart and tell our son that he's not in trouble, but that the other boy lies and blames things on him and seems to have trouble follow him around, so it's just better for them not to play. They've only known eachother for about a month and a half so it's not a close friend. Our son has a twin who was not present at that moment, but has been at every other time the two involved boys have played in the past... PLEASE ADVISE. We don't think it was molestation, but it makes us concerned for the other boy's past - where did he get this game from? It doesn't seem like everyday 8 yr old behavior...

[margypops]

Best to play it down with your son, say no more about it especially as he isnt concerned , as the other boy appears to have instigated it there is some question of whether he has seen the behavior anywhere,and possibly if the other boy has behavioral issues, it would be best to keep them in eyeshot at least ,if they are to play at all. This would seem like normal curiosity, so I doubt if there has been any harm done to your Boy.However if the other child is acting out for whatever reason it wouldnt be good for your sone to play a lot with him ,you could keep it to times when you or your partner are there and can supervise.

[socgirl]

I agree with the pp.  Curiosity is completely normal at that age....it sounds as if it was a "i'll show you mine if you show me yours" type of game.  As for who really started it first, you'll probably never know, nor does it really matter all that much.  Both boys don't want to admit they started it for fear of getting into trouble...and in some ways, they had reason to fear this as the other boy was grounded for this.

Like margypops said, don't draw more attention to the matter and play it down.  If this other boy is a trouble maker, of course it's your discretion as to if you want to keep them from each other.  If you should decide that maybe this boy is not the best influence for your child, make sure you're clear why, as i'm sure he'll wonder why his friend is no longer coming over to play.  

[shay75]

Appreciate your input though I don't agree that blowing things like this off is a good plan. That is how victims and predators are made. Really looking for an answer from a doctor...

[margypops]

There is a Doctor Forum you can put your question to.

[shay75]

Thanks, I saw that I mistakenly posted under a community forum after the fact. Appreciate the comment and the direction : )

[margypops]

You may not get any response as this is an old thread you have brought up.

[Trinty425]

Curiousity about ones body / other bodies / sex etc do start popping up around this age.  So it isn't a bad thing.  And it does seem to be a "show me yours, I'll show you mine" type of thing.  And they won't admit who started it out of fear of getting into trouble.  You may have to sit down with your son(s) and have a talk about it.  Answer any questions they have.  Let them know that it is okay to be curious, but they can talk to you and ask you about it.  And let them know that even if it is "okay" with the other child, that kind of behavior and curiosity is not appropriate nor okay in any way.  I don't really think that going to a doctor, or asking a doctor about this is really going to help.  It may simply be a waste of time and money.  Especially since your son doesn't seem to be upset or behavior changes due to the incident.  

[a717]

http://www.ipce.info/booksreborn/martinson/articles/1994_children.html