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Nephew's behavior
Hi everyone:
This is my first post so, please, bear with my inexperience (and with my English, it is not my native language!)
I am the happy dad of a 17 month old toddler. My son stays at his grandma's for daycare on the weekdays. His three cousins (a girl and two boys) go to grandma's too (we hired a nanny to help my mother-in-law). They are all about the same age (born within the same year)
The question is actually about one of the other toddlers. He is the oldest, almost two years old. These are his, umm, traits:
- He hits everybody (most of the times without provocation). But only hits the other babies, not the adults. In many occasions he hit to get something (a toy/a book)
- He bangs his head against the walls. Drags his head/face through the carpet.
- Pull his hair (when upset or happy) and "trembles" --by "trembling" I mean...well, imagine if you were angry and trying to contain yourself from doing something, that kind of trembling (he does it while pulling his hair). He actually, sometimes, does it without stimulus; just out of the blue.
- Screams uncontrolably when excited: there was a family reunion a few days ago and he would walk all around the place screaming non-stop. The other three babies were playing and running and he would not stop screaming. In his mother's arm he would continue screaming and jumping and dancing.
- He seems very short tempered, if he wants something and does not get it gets very, very angry.
- His speech is delayed. He his seeing a therapist to improve that. The only word I have heard him articulate is "mama". I haven't heard him saying anything but a constant babble that sounds kind of like: "dlah, dlah, dlah". The other babies are pronouncing their first words. I have realized that his cousins (including my son) in spite of not articulating many of their words can make the sounds of wovels, he does not.
Now to the question: is this "normal". I know that using that word may sound insensitive, even cruel but the other kids don't behave like that. He has been behaving like this since he started walking (at around the time when he was 1). It is know almost a year later and he behaves the same.
Any ideas?
This is my first post so, please, bear with my inexperience (and with my English, it is not my native language!)
I am the happy dad of a 17 month old toddler. My son stays at his grandma's for daycare on the weekdays. His three cousins (a girl and two boys) go to grandma's too (we hired a nanny to help my mother-in-law). They are all about the same age (born within the same year)
The question is actually about one of the other toddlers. He is the oldest, almost two years old. These are his, umm, traits:
- He hits everybody (most of the times without provocation). But only hits the other babies, not the adults. In many occasions he hit to get something (a toy/a book)
- He bangs his head against the walls. Drags his head/face through the carpet.
- Pull his hair (when upset or happy) and "trembles" --by "trembling" I mean...well, imagine if you were angry and trying to contain yourself from doing something, that kind of trembling (he does it while pulling his hair). He actually, sometimes, does it without stimulus; just out of the blue.
- Screams uncontrolably when excited: there was a family reunion a few days ago and he would walk all around the place screaming non-stop. The other three babies were playing and running and he would not stop screaming. In his mother's arm he would continue screaming and jumping and dancing.
- He seems very short tempered, if he wants something and does not get it gets very, very angry.
- His speech is delayed. He his seeing a therapist to improve that. The only word I have heard him articulate is "mama". I haven't heard him saying anything but a constant babble that sounds kind of like: "dlah, dlah, dlah". The other babies are pronouncing their first words. I have realized that his cousins (including my son) in spite of not articulating many of their words can make the sounds of wovels, he does not.
Now to the question: is this "normal". I know that using that word may sound insensitive, even cruel but the other kids don't behave like that. He has been behaving like this since he started walking (at around the time when he was 1). It is know almost a year later and he behaves the same.
Any ideas?
I am taking child development classes. Your nephew's behavior seems a little abnormal for child of his age. Since you are concerned about this, I would recommend you talk to your nephew's doctor or someone qualified to have him tested for autism.
Normal development:
It maybe nothing is wrong with your nephew. However, when there is a concern, it's better to check it out, be safe than sorry. According to "Baby Milestones" by Dr. Carol Cooper, babies by 12 months can use average of 3 workds with meaning. By 18 months, know his or her own name and many parts of the body; has average of 40 words; may make two-word sentences; may have a favourite word or phrase (often "no")
Autism:
According to “Parents as partners in education,” autism is a developmental disability significantly affecting verbal and nonverbal communication and social interaction, generally evident before age 3, that adversely affects educational performance.
According to "What to expect the first year" AUTISM is an inability to develop normal human relationships, even with parents. Autism dates from birth or develops within the first two and a half years of life. Some who are mildly affected may exhibit only slight delays in language and greater challenges with social interactions than is typical. Others who have a more server form of autism don't smile or respond to parents or anyone else in any way and dislike being picked up or touched. There are often extreme problems n speaking, strange positions and mannerisms, erratic and inappropriate behavior (compulsiveness and ritualism, screaming fits and arm flapping), and sometimes self-destructiveness. Autism occurs to 2 to 6 babies per 1000. Symptoms in many children with autism improve with intervention or as the children age. Some people with autism eventually lead normal or near normal lives. Outlook is best with early intervention and therapy.
Where to get help:
Your nephew's doctor.
National information center for children and youth with disabilities (www.nichcy.org)
They provide resource information of agencies serving children with disabilities, including phone numbers, addresses and email address. Links are provided to information regarding specific disabilities.
Special Quest www.specialquest.org
They provide information related to infants and toddlers with special needs, especially those being served by early intervention programs and early head start. Resources and links for families and providers are also provided.
United Way First5 or other organizations in your area who serve children may also help you to get the proper testing and treatment if diagnosed.
Wish you, your immediate and extended family the best.
p.s. I think that it's great that your mother-in-law is taking care of her grandchildren. However, if she is not trained in child development, she may not spot problems relate to children's development or know age appropriate behavior as well as a trained professional. If that's the case, make sure that someone in the family reads up on child development. Be proactive in finding the answers when you think something is not right, like what you have done here.
Normal development:
It maybe nothing is wrong with your nephew. However, when there is a concern, it's better to check it out, be safe than sorry. According to "Baby Milestones" by Dr. Carol Cooper, babies by 12 months can use average of 3 workds with meaning. By 18 months, know his or her own name and many parts of the body; has average of 40 words; may make two-word sentences; may have a favourite word or phrase (often "no")
Autism:
According to “Parents as partners in education,” autism is a developmental disability significantly affecting verbal and nonverbal communication and social interaction, generally evident before age 3, that adversely affects educational performance.
According to "What to expect the first year" AUTISM is an inability to develop normal human relationships, even with parents. Autism dates from birth or develops within the first two and a half years of life. Some who are mildly affected may exhibit only slight delays in language and greater challenges with social interactions than is typical. Others who have a more server form of autism don't smile or respond to parents or anyone else in any way and dislike being picked up or touched. There are often extreme problems n speaking, strange positions and mannerisms, erratic and inappropriate behavior (compulsiveness and ritualism, screaming fits and arm flapping), and sometimes self-destructiveness. Autism occurs to 2 to 6 babies per 1000. Symptoms in many children with autism improve with intervention or as the children age. Some people with autism eventually lead normal or near normal lives. Outlook is best with early intervention and therapy.
Where to get help:
Your nephew's doctor.
National information center for children and youth with disabilities (www.nichcy.org)
They provide resource information of agencies serving children with disabilities, including phone numbers, addresses and email address. Links are provided to information regarding specific disabilities.
Special Quest www.specialquest.org
They provide information related to infants and toddlers with special needs, especially those being served by early intervention programs and early head start. Resources and links for families and providers are also provided.
United Way First5 or other organizations in your area who serve children may also help you to get the proper testing and treatment if diagnosed.
Wish you, your immediate and extended family the best.
p.s. I think that it's great that your mother-in-law is taking care of her grandchildren. However, if she is not trained in child development, she may not spot problems relate to children's development or know age appropriate behavior as well as a trained professional. If that's the case, make sure that someone in the family reads up on child development. Be proactive in finding the answers when you think something is not right, like what you have done here.
I thin you are doing an excellent job with this situation and I am glad you are taking such an active part. I work in the early education feild and I would highly advise that this child get some help. In my area there is a program called "childfind" run through the school district. It is a free service that provides early intervention. This would be a great place start. Good luck to you. By the way, I think it it is wonderful that your child gets to stay with grandma instead of going to a day care!
Kari
Kari
Unless your mil can figure out how to work with this child (using suggestions I made in my last post), your only other option is to find another caregiver. I can't imagine that your mil would turn her first-born grandchild away, so you may want to look into this. Or maybe you can figure out a way to cut back on your living expenses (sell a car or get a cheaper on, move to a smaller home within walking distance to work, etc.) so your wife can stay home (or you). Maybe with all the budgeting and saving in expenses (gas, lunches, clothing for work, etc.) it would be affordable. If not, maybe your wife can take in another child to earn some money.
Best of luck to you and your family.
Best of luck to you and your family.
Many thanks for your kind reply. I do understand that the babies spend a lot of time with grandma; however, that does not mean that "I don't want to raise my child" or that I "whine" about it. Acknowledging the facts was not offensive, the language used to assert her opinion was.
Once again, thanks for your reply. Nope, nobody hits the children. He is a few months older than the others, I wonder if the minimal age difference has something to do with it. He has not been diagnosed with anything as far as I know. I hope this stage passes soon. I am "in the other side of the issue." What I mean is, as you may understand, I don't like my son to be hit by another kid.
Once again, thanks for your reply. Nope, nobody hits the children. He is a few months older than the others, I wonder if the minimal age difference has something to do with it. He has not been diagnosed with anything as far as I know. I hope this stage passes soon. I am "in the other side of the issue." What I mean is, as you may understand, I don't like my son to be hit by another kid.
I don't view RockRose's comment as abusive--sometimes it's hard to look at a situation for what it is. It may not be comfortable to see it for what it is, but your mil is raising her grandkids. They spend more time awake with her than anyone else (think about it--they should be sleeping 10 hours at least and they are probably with her 10 hours--that leaves 4 hours a day with parents, most likely doing stuff like bathing, eating, getting ready for bed, getting ready to go to grandma's, and riding in a car).
Regarding your question...my son was like that--would hit other kids, have tantrums, didn't speak much or clearly. He's now a well-adjusted, brilliant 11-year-old--started reading at 4, can spell anything (better than most adults), and uses words that some people don't even know. And he's amazing musically. He's still very energetic and has a mind of his own and can melt down when he gets overwhelmed, but he's "normal".
If your nephew is not diagnosed with any kid of developmental or behavioral disorder, I think that how this child is treated and viewed will be the key to how he develops and ends up later in life. Also, do the adults hit the children (i.e. spank or smack)? If so, he may view himself as on the level of adults since he is the oldest and may be "disciplining" the children for things HE thinks they are doing wrong.
I would keep this child VERY busy--busy helping (put the cups in the sink, sweep, vacuum, pick up toys, etc.) and busy playing (running, climbing, swinging, jumping). Does your mil have a lot of outdoor play equipment and a lot of outdoor play time? I'd also encourage art--music, painting, etc. Sensory tables would be good, too (sand, rice, water, etc.). Keep him busy, wear him out. and catch him behaving well and praise him for it to reinforce good behavior.
Best of luck.
Regarding your question...my son was like that--would hit other kids, have tantrums, didn't speak much or clearly. He's now a well-adjusted, brilliant 11-year-old--started reading at 4, can spell anything (better than most adults), and uses words that some people don't even know. And he's amazing musically. He's still very energetic and has a mind of his own and can melt down when he gets overwhelmed, but he's "normal".
If your nephew is not diagnosed with any kid of developmental or behavioral disorder, I think that how this child is treated and viewed will be the key to how he develops and ends up later in life. Also, do the adults hit the children (i.e. spank or smack)? If so, he may view himself as on the level of adults since he is the oldest and may be "disciplining" the children for things HE thinks they are doing wrong.
I would keep this child VERY busy--busy helping (put the cups in the sink, sweep, vacuum, pick up toys, etc.) and busy playing (running, climbing, swinging, jumping). Does your mil have a lot of outdoor play equipment and a lot of outdoor play time? I'd also encourage art--music, painting, etc. Sensory tables would be good, too (sand, rice, water, etc.). Keep him busy, wear him out. and catch him behaving well and praise him for it to reinforce good behavior.
Best of luck.
Have you ever heard of daycare? Grandma is less than 50 and being paid to do so. This is what she does for a living. She used to do this with other babies but she rather does it with her own grandkids (and she's hired help to do it). You may be surprise to hear this but sometimes both parents work and have to leave their little ones in daycare.
You know what? I will not entertain your comments anymore. I reported your abusive reply. I came asking questions like everybody else and not to be judged.
You know what? I will not entertain your comments anymore. I reported your abusive reply. I came asking questions like everybody else and not to be judged.
DadofOne, you're asking a grandmother to raise your child, and you're whining about another child she is ALSO having to raise.
Sorry that fact is offensive.
Sorry that fact is offensive.
He needs to get out of grandma's house and away from his cousins and see what happens.
"...that no parents want to raise"?
I would pick more carefully my words next time. What you said is offensive.
Thanks a lot.
I would pick more carefully my words next time. What you said is offensive.
Thanks a lot.
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