Nightmares § behavior in 5 1/2 yr. old child

[Concerned Mommy]

I have a 5 1/2 yr. old daughter who has been having nightmares for the past 2 weeks or so - every night!  Before these nightmares started, she stayed with her grandmother for a week while my live-in boyfriend and I went on a winter trip. Since we've gotten back from this trip, she began to wake up in the night with bad dreams and I was able to calm her and return her to her own bed and she would sleep until morning.  But, the last few nights, she has had a nightmare and is genuinely scared of returning to her own bed.  She tells me that her dreams are mostly about bad guys that come into our house and on occasion, about sharks, bears, and thunderstorms.  Last night, she awoke around 1:00 a.m. and she was whimpering and ran into our room begging to sleep with us.  I tried to convince her that it was only a dream and that it was not real and that no bad guys can get into our house and that we would protect her.  She would not go back to her own bed no matter how much I tried to convince her.  I offered to sit in her room until she fell asleep and I told her she could sleep on the floor next to me in our room but she said that she was hearing noises in the house and needed to sleep with us.  I have tried to avoid letting her sleep with us in the past because I know that it would probably become a habit for her.  But, I was so tired and frustrated and couldn't think of anything else to do, so I gave in to her and let her sleep inbetween my boyfriend and I.  She slept with no interruption in our bed until morning.  Now, I'm afraid that she'll want to sleep with us every night and may even pretend to have bad dreams to accomplish this.  How do I deal with this?  Is she having separation anxiety because we were gone for a week?  She also has exhibited strange behavior during the day that she has never previously showed.  She claims that she is sick and that she can't go to school or day care.  She's always complaining about some pain she has on her body.  She will not listen at all and says she doesn't care what I say, she'll do what she wants.  She complains constantly about people (her friends, teachers, daycare people)being mean to her and she's unable to take no for an answer.  She cries alot when we don't give her her way all the time (well, more than usual anyways).  I'm definitely getting upset and worried about her and how to handle her behavior and sleep patterns.  I've caught myself getting angry with her and on accasion, I have yelled at her.  I know that I shouldn't do this and she tells me that I always hurt her feelings which make me feel guilty in the end.  I'm worried that her self-esteem is going to suffer or may be already and I'm not sure what to do.  I know you probably can't make a diagnosis based on this info but really, it's hard to explain everything.  I hope you can get an idea what I'm trying to explain anyways and please, I would appreciate any advice at all from you or anyone else who may be going thru this same frustrating problem.
Thanks!

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

If all these behaviors started to occur upon your return from the trip, they will wane and she will return to her baseline level of functioning. By all means do not permit her to sleep with you - you will be reinforcing her objections to sleeping in her own bed. Be firm and decisive, but supportive, in your setting of limits. Be sure to check out how things were when you were gone, in the event that she was troubled by anything besides your absence, though this is not very likely.

[Concerned Mommy]

Thanks so much for answering my question as soon as you did - it gives me a little relief to hear this from a professional.  I wanted to comment that last night, my daughter was very reluctant to even start out in her own bed and cried and cried that she was scared.  She finally admitted to me that she was scared of the dark so I explained to her that we could put her bedroom lamp on and leave it on all night (she usually just had a nightlight) plus, put on the hallway light.  She was still reluctant to agree with me and still did not want to sleep in her own bed but she did not beg me to sleep with us in ours.  I asked her what I could do to help her not be scared and get over this anxiety about sleeping in her own bed and she finally told me that she just wanted more hugs from her mommy.  I asked her if that would help her and if that was what the problem really was - that she wasn't getting enough attention and TLC from her mommy and she said it was.  I felt pretty guilty and realized that maybe I don't give her the attention that she really deserves and needs and I promised her that I would try my hardest to hug her as much as I could.  She then agreed to hop into her own bed, with the lamp and hallway light on plus some soothing music.  I also told her that if she woke up with a bad dream to just say 'BOO' and all the scary monsters and things would disappear.  She said she would try it.  Thank God, she actually slept thru the night last night and I didn't hear one peep out of her.  We finally got the rest that we all desperately needed.  I asked her how she slept when she got up this morning, and she said she slept good but had a few bad dreams.  I asked her what she did and she told me that when she had a bad dream, she would just wake up, roll over and say 'BOO' in her mind.  She was really proud of herself and I told her that I was proud of her too and that I was so happy that she was able to get rid of the scary things without mommy's help.  I know this is fairly long but I just wanted to update everyone on our problem with nightmares, etc.  Hopefully, this will last and hopefully, we'll have no more sleepless nights.  Thanks so much for your help and input.  It was greatly appreciated.
Concerned Mommy!