No Clue What to Do

I am 6 weeks into being a new mommy and 6 months into being a new step-mommy. I recently discovered that my 8 year old step-son has been pooping in his pants. His dad and I have asked him why he is doing this and he just stares at us blankly and shrugs as if he doesn't care. We do not punish him for doing this and we have tried to get him to open up about his problem, but he says that nothing is wrong. We have asked him if he just doesn't feel it when he needs to go. He says that he can, he just doesn't get up and go the bathroom, but he won't tell us why. He has tried to tell us that his teacher won't let him go to the bathroom at school and that is why it happens there, but we have since found out that is not the case. I have tried sending a clean change of underwear to school with him just in case he has an accident, with a plastic bag for him to stash the dirties. But he just comes home with a dirty pair on and the clean pair still in his bag.  He has had to undergo a lot of changes this year. A death in the family, his grandmother moved to a new house, His dad and I moved in together, we have had a new baby, and to top it all off, his mother has very very little to do with him and his 6 year old sister. Could this behavior just be him acting out against all the change that he has been expected to deal with? Could this be the one thing that he feels that he has control over and that is why he is messing himself almost everyday? I've never dealt with kids before and his dad is clueless as to what to do. Can anyone offer up and helpful advice? I'd sure appreciate it.=)

[Agiesmom]

Poor kid.

I think you answered your own question at the end.  I think he's regressing with the new baby and I think it's the only thing over which he has any control.  I'd talk to his pediatrician about it.

[hotmommy]

i agree with you about the one on one time 100%!!! His dad tries the best that he can to spend as much time with BOTH of them, but its hard since he works full time as well as goes to school full time. Both of the kids are in bed by the time dad gets home at night and he works both Saturday and Sunday. Not to mention the fact that we have a new baby that requires constant attention from either me, or daddy. We have been able to take them to do some fun things on his odd day off like the county fair and out to dinner and we have discussed taking them to a cornfield maze/hayride here pretty soon. Do you think that maybe he should take them himself and I'll stay home with the baby? If that would help them reconnect with their dad, even if for only a short time, I have no problem staying behind.

[hotmommy]

PS...I also just found out that he did this shortly after his dad took over custody from their mom but stopped a little while after he got settled in his new home.

[Agiesmom]

You really seem to be a loving, caring woman, hotmommy.  I think it would be great for them to go somewhere with just their dad and I think it's important that they know you really want them to do that and encourage it.  And while I think you and the baby do need to be accepted, I think that they will accept you more quickly if they don't feel forced and if they feel confident that they aren't losing their dad to you and the new baby.  And I think it's a good thing for a child to spend some one-on-one time with a parent anyway, especially when a new baby comes along.  And maybe you can take the two of them (or one at a time) to the park or out to lunch and leave your husband home with the baby once in a while, too.  I think that if you and your husband each build strong one-on-one relationships with the kids, you will make the whole unit strong and this little boy won't have the worry and stress he obviously has.