Normal teenage behavior

Two teenage boys.  One 13yo and another 14yo.  Both brothers, same father but different mothers.  The 13yo is living with his grandmother since he was 9yo. Both his mother and father are deceased stemming from domestic violence.
  
   I have kept the two boys together so they will grow up knowing each other as brothers. I want to have some influence on the 13yo so he will see a loving family without violence, fighting or hitting.  I want him to see a loving father who uses his words and not his fists for discipline.

       Every year I have the 13yo for the summer.  This summer was one of the most difficult by far.  The two constantly argued fought and made life miserable for everyone.  

    They are as different as night and day and basically both only children. The power struggles were out of control and since the 13yo does not really have his own place here he fought with his brother to get that space.
  
   I was awakened at 400am by their arguing.  When I walked in the boys were wrestling the older one wanted the younger one out of the room because he was kicking him in his sleep.  The younger one refused to go but instead locked himself in the dog kennel.  The older one then threw water on the younger one.  
I have not had to deal with 2 teenage boys before.  I am used to just one child. I have never had to deal with this type of behavior before.
  
   I sat them down at the table and handed them pieces of paper and made them write out what they wanted changed, what they wanted from the other and what they liked about each.  I then sat down with them and made guidelines for each other, rules and consequences for each other.  I did not allow them to disrepectful to each other or to me. I set boundries and gave them responsibilties.  I did not allow them to manipulate me or put me in the middle which believe me they were trying very hard to do.  
  
Now the kicker, the 13yo wants to live with us all the time. He told his grandmother his desires.  This would be difficult on me and my husband but would not be a problem , his grandmother wants to wait until he is a little older.  I tried to explain this to the 13yo but he just gets upset with his grandmother.  I recently returned the 13yo back to his home and he has been acting out there.  He is being disrespectful and not doing his chores.  He expects everything money wise from them but does not want to do anything in return. He says mean things to his grandmother.

   Now his grandmother thinks he learned this behavior when he was with us.  I think it is because he wants her to get so upset with him she'll want him to leave and have told her this.
  
  Now my question ,Am I doing the 13yo any good or am I just confusing him and making it more difficult for the family who is trying to raise him during the rest of the year?
  

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Janna,

You're doing the best you can in a difficult situation. I agree with you that his current acting out in his grandparents' home is likely related to his dissatisfaction at being there and his wish to be with you. Should he go with you? I don't know what might be best. But I have a specific suggestion for you: seek the involvement of a mental health professional who is proficient at both child/adolescent issues and family treatment. This is the kind of situation that begs for such involvement.