Not listening

[melissa1806]

Hello this is my first time seeking out for someone else opinion on how i can get my 4 year old daughter to listen and to be more well behaved I am 25 years old and first time parent I have asked several people I know and who are more exsperianced in raising kids of all age's but never to seem to get a good enough answer my daughter is in the stage of not listening and talking back and just really pushing button's on everyone she know's.. I have tried everything that i can think of to punish her from time out's to taking thing's away and spanking her but nothing seem's to work Im on egde with her. I am a single mother that just lost my job so im always home looking for more work and spend every second of the day with her dont have the money to put in childcare is there anyone who can help me not to lose me cool and to get her to listen and be more well behaved i know that it's just a stage but there's gotta be something out there that can help just a little while im in this stressful stage... Thank's

[melissa1806]

I know im not making sound like i love spending time with her i do but with everything going on in my life it is very stressful i have done the time out thing several time's and im not always spanking her.. I spend alot of time with her like coloring, making paper airplanes going on a little bike ride, playing barbie's but when thats all done she just goes back to acting bad talking back hit spiting saying bad thing's not listen i talk to in a calm way but she still just seem's not to listen ignoring everything i say she get's into thing's she know's not to get into but she does it anyways

[alexplusone]

At 4 years old many of the things my son was expected to do were still joint activities, and I have to say that I miss that time dearly and am glad I never wished it away.   I have a couple questions, what is she specifically not listening about or doing that is bad behavior? At 4 my son loooved to please, he was and still is independent but he didn't act out. That being said at 4 most everything done we did together. Cleaning the house, cooking,  he even had "bills" to write out lol. I let him "paint " outside ithe driveway wih water. He would do that for the longest time and it didnt make a mess of anything including himself. 4 was such a fun time. Good luck (:

[RockRose]

Melissa,  it's so hard to be able to help out with this without being able to see your interactions with her.  

One concern I have is your statement that since you're out of work you don't have the money to put her in childcare,  and that since you are currently without a job you spend "every second of the day with her".  

We only know the tiniest bit of information about your situation from this short post,  but let me offer this question:  if we were watching you interact with your daughter,  would it usually look like you were thrilled to have her around and are a very happy to be a mother?  

I know not every moment is bliss - obviously - but in general,  do you give off the vibe that this is a great time in your life,  and you're very much enjoying being a mommy?

I think that's your key.  Typically,  children whose mothers are having a wonderful time mothering tend to have a much better attitude than mothers who give off a vibe that this is not what they want to be doing.

I know that might come off as "fighting words",  but read back through your post and see if you don't get the same vibe - that you're unhappy spending your days with her.

Best wishes.  I think if you can somehow put out the vibe that you're loving spending this time with her,  things will improve dramatically.

[margypops]

I doubt very much that all the punishments you list in your post will make this small child listen to you, it may make her anxious and afraid .

[grannienannie]

hello...well you know you can always do projects with her in the house...you can do puzzles...make beaded jewlery, color...anything that will keep her busy...I had three little ones at the same time and that helped a lot...cause lids are so proud of accomplisments...even try to get a doll head so she can do hair..those things are fun for kids...kids that age get very bored with the same routine...just like grown ups...so find something she will be interested in. and she will calm down...but dont punish her...I love kids at that age, they can always make you laugh when your at your lowest...she just a normal little girl..enjoy her growing up..you will miss her being that age...

[cheshchesh819]

yes i agree they all go through this stage,they grow their own personalities and thinks that they are in charge,i think spanking them makes things worse at times,my mother always said spanking them shows them violence so i never done this,i always just sat them in time out and then explained in a calm way what they have done wrong and told them to say sorry,i find yelling and screaming didnt get me very far,but if i spoke to them they would listen more,they seem to want to be treated as we would want to be treated,they all to try and play us at certain stages of their childhood but i found that alot of it was just attention seeking and once they got that i wasnt going to give attention through bad behaviuor it soon stopped,give her a warning just one,then if she dont listen stick her in time out and just ignore her,for a few minutes,they do grow out of this,good luck.