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Avatar universal

Not sure how to proceed with our Son

My son is 3.7 and has now been in school 3 mornings a week.    His teacher complains that he acts odd, refuses to sit at circle time, is very distracted and moves rapidly from one toy to the next and the next.    We had an evaluation done but he tests well especially when there is noone else in the room during the tests.    His Fine motor is pretty bad, can't draw more than a slight circle.   He is difficult transitioning & becomes fixated on a toy that belongs to someone else which he's been doing since he's a toddler.   He does sit quietly at home and play well, listens to a story for a long time (@ home) and loves music.   He's always been sensitive to sounds and they can distract him easily. He's very attached to us.   Good verbal skills, he's also now in OT but teacher thinks he's Adhd as he's hyper in school and teacher suggesting SE.   He is not hyper at home or anywhere else.  What can I do for him?  He doesn't like to concentrate on something unless it's something HE wants to do.   Should we try anothr round of testing?    A smaller class? Another form of therapy?  Tactics?
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Avatar universal
I agree ,  sounds like ADHD ,  but that is way to young for the meds.  My daughter has ADHD  we waiting until she was in first grade before we did anything about it.   She started failing and the teacher was having major problems with her .   She started Metadate CD the last nine weeks of school and she did so much better .  I put her back in first grade and it has made a huge difference in her.  YOu can also talk about taking him to a behavorly specialest .   But i would really wait about putting him on some meds right now .  Just way to early for that. But if he responds better with you.  Then you try to each him and see what happens.
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Avatar universal
Feel free to email personally if you want to chat about it.    I'd love to share/hear any news on this.
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Avatar universal
Girls....I am going to meet with a family behavioral modification specialist.  Essentially they evaluate ALL of us and see what's going on.  From what my son's ped says, the behavioral issues we are having stem from the in-consistent dicipline at his school.  So how did it come to this?

Now, I'll be the first to admit that my son's behavior isn't acceptable at times, biting, tantrums and lack of respect for his teachers is a problem.  I have been trained to dicipline using the "123 Magic" technique.  I've praised, I've put stickers on charts and made the "we had a GREAT week to Chucky Cheese trip", I love that baby and he know's it.  SO WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING WRONG? Is he angry that his dad lives 1500 miles away and visits inconsistantly.  Did I buy the wrong color bedding when he was little and traumatize him for life?  Why does my four year old, who is an angel for me and my mother and all of his frinds parents, a total troll at school?  Is he bored?  My son was raised with adults, is he frustrated with the Doodle bops?  He wants to watch the history channel, read, play soccer, go to the gym with me and play.  He's a silly boy!  Why do we have to constantly fight for the right to let our children be well little trolls!?

How can I combat this negative behavior and let him be the little boy he needs to?  I agree the teachers want a bunch of "little angles" in their classrooms.  But if we raised a bunch of sheeple who would lead us?  Who would have invented the lightbulb or proved that the world wasn't flat.  Remember....it is this spirit our little men possess that will make them very sucessfull if we teach them to use all that strongwilled energy in a positive way.  

The trick? I have NO idea how I am going to do this, but what I do know is that I'm doing everything in the WORLD to figure it out.  I admit when I'm wrong, I know that guilt sneaks in because I'm always at work which makes it incredibly hard to dicipline this little boy I just want to breathe in.  I cry myself to sleep, I cry driving to and from work.  I have to provide for us, I have to dicipline him and be the nurturer and the taxi driver and and and......and we all just need a break, a chance to enjoy this awesome intelligent little guys.
I'll let you know how this doctor is....because it sounds like we BOTH need a little help right now. Cheers to our success!
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Avatar universal
Little boys have ants in their pants.  They can't sit still for long periods of time and their attention span is limited.  Boys don't mature and settle down until they are about 6. 3/4year old boys do not play together, but side by side at different things.  They don't share well and are possessive of toys even if they aren't playing with them, you can't. They throw things, hit things, take things apart, but won't or can't put them back together. They want whatever you or another kid has and then when they get it, they throw it down. They are stubborn as the day is long and like to do things their way. They are figuring things out and being independent.  They don't want food to touch and want to wear the same clothes every day.  Dirty is okay.  They are learning about shame and guilt and hate to follow directions. They fight, they argue, they are four. Find another pre-school.
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Avatar universal
LOL, I don't know if I should be but is it really true?   Are most boys this way?    Truly beautiful no matter what.
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112359 tn?1226867083
Your son sounds pretty normal for his age to me. From your description he behaves best when you are giving him individual attention- asking for his help cleaning, fingerpainting etc. If most of his misbehavior is when he isn't getting that attention, well, then he's found a pretty reliable way of getting you to focus on him!  I think the only thing you can do is try hard to reinforce good behavior & following directions with postive responses. Try to catch him being good before it deteriorates and acknowledge it. As for having him follow directions, I wish I had a magic potion because we could sure use that around our house, too! Try to get his attention without having to yell. (I know it's hard) Just getting down on your knees so you're at his level in front of him might work. And when you give him an instruction, give a consequence that will occur if he doesn't follow through. Something you are willing to do and fits the crime, so to speak. For instance, if I ask for a toy to be picked up I tell him if I have to pick it up I will have to put it away for a day. If I return and it's still out, then I put it up high and no matter how he begs he doesn't get it back until the next day (this is a good way to find out how important a toy really is- sometime he couldn't care less, and then the toy stays up until he asks for it, if ever) At this age they can understand simple consequences, even if it's going to be a time out or whatever you know you can follow through on. Oh, and a whole room full of toys to put away might be overwhelming to him (it's much easier to get them all out!) So try asking him just to put all the trucks away while you pick up the blocks... that way he feels you're doing the cleanup together as a team. Also you can try to make things into a game or race (Can you put all these blocks in the bin before I get the laundry into the washer? Ready, set, go!...) Good luck! :-)
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Avatar universal
He is calmer when there are less kids at someone's house, but does get very happily excited at times.    But definetly he is really addicted to toys and will take a toy over a friend any day!
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112359 tn?1226867083
I think you are right in thinking that the doctor meant he may be responding to the large group of children, and also possibly other environmental factors. If the teacher says he goes from one toy to the next, maybe he is overwhelmed by all the possibilities? Think about it, a lot of kids around, a ton of new toys to try... He may want to try everything at once and not be able calm down. Have you ever had him with a small group of kids away from home? (Someone elses house, the playground) How does he do then, away from his own toys?  Is he calm? Does he want to try out everything? I'd also wonder about the teacher and how she (or he) handles your son and the other children when they act out. Is she consistent? Does she get frustrated? Does she have an aide to help her? My son didn't like to sit and participate when he started preschool, but his teacher was consistent in pressing him to at least sit with the group, and she placed him on the end on the semi circle of kids so that his fidgiting was less disruptive to the others. (He has since graduated to a seat closer to the middle and another boy has that spot!) There's every chance your son may just not be ready this year. There are countries (in Europe for example) where the kids don't attend a classroom until they're 5 or even older, and maybe we are expecting too much of some of our kids at 3 & 4.
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Avatar universal
My son is 3y5m and is ....WOW!  He doesn't listen to instructions.  He know's what they mean and what to do, however he doesn't acknowledge them until I scream the roof off the house or smack his bum.  He can be very rough when playing with his little sister (1y9m; whom I admitt usually provokes rough play) and can also be destructive - Tipping out his toy box, throwing toys inside (after repeated discipline for not following instructions).  He really is a little devil.

However, he can be a little angel.  When I make play dough and finger paints, or ask him to help me with the cooking or cleaning, he is usually good as gold... but he still doesn't follow instructions.

I know he's not hard of hearing - say "chocolate" at a whisper from the next room and he comes running faster than olympian!

Are there any ideas on how I can get my son to listen to instruction?  How do I get him to behave himself when I can't do these activities with him?  I swear I've almost pulled out ALL of my hair!
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Avatar universal
Hi Again I sometimes think teachers want a perfect classroom with perfect little angels.  I think preschool is nothing more than teaching our children social skills with other kids.  sure they learn there colors, numbers and whatever else.  my oldest went to preschool when she turned 2 she was  a easy child and seemed very ready to socialize.  my 2nd child was shy and didn't do well in preschool.  she went when she was 3 and i ended up taking out and she didn;t go back until she was 4.
still had a hard time but i took it one day at a time with her and had to reassure her everytime she went it would be ok.  my 2 youngest less then a year apart went to preschool together 3 and 4 did great.  still very active but I think there teacher understood 3&4 year olds.  maybe try him in a different preschool and see how he does.  I think if he were in upper elementary 3&4th grade and displaying certain behaviors then I might seek help.  Have you gone to the preschool and watched him not letting him know you are there?  anyway you know him best at the end of the day you are mom and it really doesn't matter what other people say.  maybe he isn't ready for preschool i was part of a play group when my children were young you should check and see if there are any play groups in your area.  it really helps socialize your kids and there is also mops.  a christian organization called mothers of preschoolers.  you may already know about it.  you both get to go together and meet other people while learning about God.  and hearing other preschool moms tell there expieriences with there children.  well anyway good luck to you It sounds like your a great loving mom and you will do the right thing for your child.  God bless
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Avatar universal
An environmental response meaning too many children?   If that be the case, this will obviously never change.     Not sure I understand what your reply means or what you are suggesting we do for him.
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242606 tn?1243782648
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
The challenge at this age is to discern various disorders from developmental considerations that may well change over the next one to two years. Your description indicates that there may well be some sensory integration problem and, if this is true, the OT is a sensible intervention. Since your son is so young, I'd be reticent about settling on a diagnosis of ADHD, though it is certainly possible. The implication of that would be pharmacological treatment. It may be that he becomes more disorganized in groups of peers and that he is more organized, focused, etc. when alone or with the family or with just one peer. It would be instructive to view him in a small group and see if there is any difference. You don't want to be confusing some environmental response with ADHD if the former is really what is going on.
Helpful - 0
125112 tn?1217273862
I totally agree with Tula. Far too young in my opinion to force adhd medication on him. Lord, adhd is overdone and the medication- over prescribed in my opinion.
I think many behavioral problems are discipline related, not medical problems.
For crying out loud, he's a young boy.
Fact is, kids generally aren't as active as they should be, as in spending much time out of doors playing and as such, they go abit stir crazy being couped up in confined areas for any length of time.
As for your son, this is a transition and he is only 3. I can't say as I blame him. Give him time, reassurance and guidance. If he persists later, I would think of some disciplinary tactics. If that fails in the future, then I might consider a problem. Until then, I would take it day by day.
ADHD...at 3...I probably had it too but it was a zeal for life (play play play!) and an occasional need to have my own space...and nap;-)
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Avatar universal
hi.  I might be wrong im a mom of 6 all who are teenagers and one almost 20.  I think you need to be careful about people say ing your child is adhd.. he's 3 for goodness sakes.  maybe hes not ready for preschool.  he just might need more time or instead of 3 days a week maybe 2.  give him a chance to grow at his own pace.  all kids at this age until they are at least 8 years old move alot and are easily distracted.  im 41 and still get distracted.  lol.  Don't jump so quick give him time and then if you feel after awhile he needs help then do so.  try other things like reducing his schooling before you let someone diagnose him with adhd.  I would worry if he was a lump.  as far as I'm concerned he sounds like a healthy active 3 year old to me.  good luck i hope i helped...
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Avatar universal
Just for the record, I never said it, childs' teacher did.   Should I ignore?
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