OUT OF CONTROL 5YR DAUGHTER

I have a 5 year old daughter who has been stealing and she lies really good also. She is an only child and her father works nights. Most of the time she takes stuipd things like another chids home work .(things from school) and this summer she took a girl flip flops from the pool.I have tried it all and so has the school.She has a hard time keeping her hands to her self, she is also very active and defiant never sits still always in trouble but still always has the answer in class so some how she knows what is going on. She is very smart and latly very mouthy and talking back saying things like I dont have to if I dont want to or you cant make me . She always says she hates school and plays alot by her self at school. Sometime she says she has no friends. She is very polite and knows what to say to make you feel better. Gets along great with adults and talks better with them then children. Please I hope you can help me the school has suggested I get her help because kids her age shouldnt steel.I dont know what to do.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

It goes without saying that children of any age should not steal. However, with very young children the notion of ownership may not be so clear; they are learning these things. Her oppositonal/defiant style invites intervention in two ways. First, it's important to have a systematic way of intervening when she misbehaves. Time out should be the foundation of the plan. If you want a relaible, practical guide to behavior management, refer to Lynn Clark's book: SOS: Help for Parents. Second, it would be worthwhile to seek some professional help. Your daughter's degree of acting out is not within the norms for a child of five. Consultation with a pediatric mental health professional will clarify the nature of her behavior and what needs to be done to address it. Perhaps collaboration between you and the clinician re: management of the behavior will be all that is required, as it often is with children so young. A reliable rule of thumb with young children (re: problematic behavior) is this: The child will change to the degree that the parent changes.