Obsessive tantrums

My almost 3 year old little girl is very social athletic and smart. She is the middle child with an older 6 year old and younger 18 month old sisters. She is sweet and loving most of the time and very affectionate. BUT she has these tantrums every now and then that can last 30 minutes to an hour. They are very obsessive and often can only be calmed down by fixing the action. EXAMPLE: If I unhook her car seat belt and she wanted to she will melt down (uncontrollable hysterical crying and screaming) until I put her back in the car and let her undo the belt. That is great if it is something fixable, but we had a swim lesson that was the last one and they did it more free instead of structure and when we were leaving she did not feel she had her swim lesson that day so she had a melt down which lasted one hour until she fell asleep then when she woke up one hour later she continued to cry for about 10-15 more minutes then fell asleep again for a little while longer. When she woke up the final time she was OK, but I though it would go on forever since I could not recreate her swim lesson. I try to work on calming with breathing deep and blowing out bubbles or something else. I have tried deep pressure treatments. I have tried to calmly talk to her. She is not hurting herself of others, but the obsessive nature is troublesome to me. She does not seem to have an obsession with anything in particular, but she will just get fixated on arbitrary things. She does not show a lot of aggression, but will get frustrated with her younger sister at times and will squeeze her. Any help will be appreciated. Thank you.    

[allmymarbles]

Is she obsessive, or does she just want her way? This is often the problem with children who have tantrums. They don't get what they want and then - they are off. I see this problem more often with girls than with boys.

[margypops]

I dont see this as an obsession, perhaps next episode she has , play it down, do not attempt to placate her , let her soothe herself, I sometimes feel in our haste to make them feel better, we over do it, yes try distraction but if it doesn't work let her have her 'meltdown' let it run its course .,perhaps you are trying too hard .good luck

[allmymarbles]

My technique for handling tantrums is to ignore them. Leave the room, or plug your ears, or read a book. Don't speak. Don't placate. Without an audience the tantrums will eventually stop. Maybe not immediately, but they will.

[girlymom3]

Thank you all for your response. I have found that she has started to respond well to blowing bubbles. The breathing seems to help calm her, but she can't do it without actually blowing the bubbles. For one of her normal tantrums I just let her work it out on her own, but there is a difference between the normal ones and the ones where she is fixated on something or needs to have us "start over" and do it the way she wanted it done. Those fits will go on for hours or until the situation has been fixed. Other distraction activities have not worked, but so far bubbles seem to do the trick, I think because it makes her take deep breaths, but I could be wrong.

[margypops]

well if its working go with it, I have always liked distraction with children I find it works more often than not especially with music and games to take their mind away from what they were upset about.if bubbles work thats great, .you seem to have a handle on it Good Luck