On the outside of the spectrum

My husband has two biological children from a previous marriage. We adore these girls and do everything with them. However, I need advice on another issue. There is a woman he used to have a relationship with during his teens that came out pregnant.  For the first two years of this little girls life she played it off as if he was her father. Turned out, she admitted he was not. They ultimately broke off the relationship as a result. It was clear infidelity was in play. HOWEVER, the girl is now a pre-teen and still has not been told the truth. The worst part of it is (at least on my side) I am being attacked by both mother and daughter for my husband not being apart of that girls life. Although from what I understand, even before me, he was not an active person in her life. He has told me, although he does feel bad for her, that he does not want any part of her life and refuses to be the one to tell her the truth. He feels that he has no link to her and should not be the one to disclose the reality. I have gotten so angry for being attacked that I have threatened the mother to be the one to disclose the truth if she does not refrain from my and my husbands life. I DO NOT want to do this but I feel like I am being pushed up against a wall. My husbands family makes it worse because they allow this girl to visit with them under false pretenses.

I think its terrible mostly because this poor girl sees all the things we do with her "sisters" all the time yet she is kept out without any reason. She must be confused as to why she is being treated this way. I mean I would question the same thing. The mother has admitted to someone in my husbands family that she will not admit the truth because her daughter is the only link that keeps her to my husband. Funny thing is he wants NOTHING to do with her, no talking, no seeing, NOTHING. He says that if he agrees to meet with her it will only make matters worse. Until this day she is telling lies to his ex-wife, whom he has been separated from for many many years. No idea why because she has since remarried and we are now together.

I, myself, am a victim of a childhood secret and I know how painful it can be. For me to be the target in this situation is hard because it is not my fault she is being treated this way. My husband hasnt seen this girl since she was roughly 8 years old and even then that was only because she was visiting the "grandparents" and we coincidently showed up. That visit was awkward in itself. They hardly spoke or made eye contact yet he was playing with his daughters and spending quality time with them. How could she not feel bad?

My husband is NOT the confrontational type, never has been and never will be. He rather walk away and ignore it all together. In this case I do not agree. I believe this is damaging and the more time that passes the more that girl is going to feel rejected and abandoned. Her mother is a disgusting human being to use her daughter as a link to get back someone that wants nothing to do with her, especially when she is married herself. She one of those woman who want to destroy other peoples lives when they are unhappy in theirs. I am afraid that when this girl is old enough she is going to show up on our doorstep and I will end up telling her the truth. I refuse to play along with the lie even if everyone else does. The way I see it is, as long as she doesnt come to me, then I wont be the one to spill the beans. If she ever does appear, what am I supposed to do??? I dont want it to come to this.

I dont know what to do and would love advice. I know ideally this has nothing to do with me but since he is my husband and I am the one being targeted I feel I am being forced to stand up for myself.

Thanks for reading.