Oppositional-Defiant Behavior

Ryan has been resistant to any attempts to correct or modify his behavior since an early age. He was somewhat oxygen-deprived at birth, which I feel contributed to his behavior, although did
nothing to compromise his intelligence (He is VERY gifted and showed signs of precocious development since infancy). He is 9 years old now. In addition to any organic basis, he has had an excessive number of negative life experiences for a young child including his older brother (to whom he was very attached) growing up and leaving home when Ryan was 2 (that was when the aggressive behaviors began), the diagnosis of his younger sister with leukemia when he was 4 (which involved repeated separations from me during her hospitalizations), molestation by a 12 year old neighbor boy when he was six, and the death of the beloved older brother (by suicide) shortly after his 7th birthday. Ryan was quite hyperactive when small, but the hyperactivity has improved tremendously as he grew older. He is an avid reader and enjoys reading for long periods. Ryan is resistant to all authority. Distraction (when little)was of no avail; timeouts, spanking, withholding of privileges, offering rewards, etc. has beeen of equally little value. He seeks revenge
at a later time for any attempts to curb his behavior. He lies habitually, has stolen things on several occasions,is destructive to property, often including his own, hurts others, swears, calls names, talks back, teases the dog, fights with his sister and friends and myself, and has acted out sexually since long before the molestation incident. He drawn to violent action games and toys, which I steer him away from. He has been interested in girls and women since the age of 18 months; since turning 9, this has escalated and he has crushes on several singers much as an older teenager would. I have often wondered if he has an overabundance of testosterone. On the positive side, he can be charming and loving WHEN HE CHOOSES TO,has an avid interest in many subjects from ancient history to legos, makes friends easily despite his aggressiveness, and enjoys being helpful to others especially the poor and the elderly. The primary trigger for his behaviors is not getting his own way, which he expects 100% of the time; not getting undivided constant attention, and the presence of his sister (his behavior is usually better in the morning before she awakens). I am a single parent, and have recently requested our preacher to be a mentor to Ryan, so that he will have some positive male attention. He takes Ryan for 1 or 2 hours one day a week, which Ryan enjoys. We do not have good psychiatric services in this area. I would like to find
a Christian counselor who specializes in oppositional-defiant behaviors/conduct disorders. I previously worked with children with behavior problems, but nothing has prepared me for living with this. It affects every aspect of our family life. His sister copies some of the behaviors, although she does not exhibit a violent, aggressive, or destructive nature. We live in a relatively rural area of Missouri. Does someone know where I can find adequate help without having to drive too terribly far? (We are low income, and I have night blindness, so roundtrips are best accomplished during daylight). Can anyone help, or at least offer advice in dealing with the behaviors? Thank you.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Carolyn,

Your situation is complicated by the apparent inaccessibility to professional help. In the ideal circumstance, a thorough evaluation (including pediatric, child mental health, pharmacological and metabolic/nutritional) is called for, in order to determine the likely contributing factors to your son's behavior and to develop a multi-faceted plan for intervention. While such a comprehensive evaluation may not be possible, anything you can do to approximate this would be sensible.

Having said that, if the reality is that ongoing forms of therapy will not be available from a practical vantage point, the importance of pharmacological and metabolic/nutritional interventions becomes more important. A child psychiatrist might recommend antidepressant medication(such as Zoloft or Paxil) or mood stabilizing medication for your son. On the nutritional side of the spectrum, imbalances in EFA's (Essential Fatty Acids), e.g., have been found to be implicated in many forms of volatile, oppositional, defiant behavior. Several servings/week of certain types of fish, or supplements, can provide such ingredients, but be sure to obtain guidance about their use and don't proceed in a casual fashion, even though you can obtain nutritional supplements over the counter. And it certainly would not be harmful to reduce or even eliminate such things as processed sugar, additives and gluten-based foods (particularly wheat gluten) from your son's diet. Carbohydrates often assume too great a portion of children's diets and can contribute to the sorts of behavioral unrest you describe.

[Kyle's Mom]

Try reading "The Defiant Child" that you can order from Amazon.com.  

Try adding essential fatty acids to his diet.  Studies have shown that boys with behavior problems have a deficiency of essential fatty acids.  We added Omega-3 and Omega-6 fatty acids to my son's diet while eliminating all artificial dyes, flavors, and preservatives from his diet.  After two weeks the defiance and aggressiveness stopped and he became compliant, obeyed, and was very polite and actually used the word "sorry" for the first time!  While of course there is no guarantee this will work for your child it is worth a try.  You can use flax oil tablets but must supplement with DHA.

[Edward L.Sullivan]

I feel for you carolyn,
I know what you're going through as you have described my step son to the"t".
It was actually scarry reading your story because it was like you were describing my life.