Our 2 1/2 yr old is a bully, HELP!!!

[ottter]

We have 3 kids. 2- 10 month old twins ( Boy and a girl) and a 2 1/2 yr old daughter. Our older daughter is the problem. She is extremely bright, strong, agile, and outgoing. However she is very agressive. To the point where we cannot leave her in the room at all unattended with the twins. She will push them over when they sit up and hit them. Generally speaking she is laughing about it when she does.  She also has an agressive streak with her friends  and other children younger then her whereby she does the normal 2 yr old things but on top of that she pushes other kids over and becomes very possesive with her toys moreso then normal.

She is very loving and hugs and kisses her siblings good night, however, she also gets carried away and tries to pick them up by the neck not realizing she is hurting them.

We have tried talking to her, giving her rewards, stern voice and telling her we were disapointed, timeouts(She began to just put herself in timeouts after she would push over her siblings.) odd but true. The only thing missing is spankings. We are at wits end because we have to be a referree all day long to keep her from hurting the twins. It is exhausting

[NikkiPoo]

My sister put me in the bottom of the clothes hamper when I was brought home from the hospital, she thought that mom would forget about me if she couldn't see me. Although she loved me dearly eventually she didn't like me coming into the picture.

[sharen peters]

something that i have used and i have to tell you it works very well is to use a little elbow grease and beat their little butt!!!

[beentheregrandma]

I have read this and can relate to my grandchildren situation. 3-yr. old boy, only grandchild, exalted above all and constantly praised for intelligence and progressions, constantly played with and given attention by all, especially mother.... then little sister comes into the pic. Uh oh...
Now he can do nothing right, still intelligent and above-average but cannot behave to suit anyone, cannot please anybody, is becoming increasingly aggressive toward mother and other children and showing off and being mean to sister, but only when no one is looking. Otherwise loves her completely.
What does this picture tell anyone? He has lost attention, as does any older sibling, however, I observe him not getting a fair shake. After all, no one is wrong all the time.
I am just grandma, but I see a 4-yr. old who is so smart from hanging around mostly adults that he is treated like an adult. Nobody except me seems to see that he is not emotionally able to cope or reason with why he is becoming such a smart-alek.
Mothers out there, hear please my comment that little people, no matter now big they act or how much they know, are still LITTLE people in their emotional reasoning.
They just plain do not understand. Parents need to.

[ottter]

thanks.  Just to clarify what we have done. We gave her time outs for 3 minutes with a timer in an adult chair. She would sit there and sing, rarely would she be upset. In fact as I mentioned, she would put herself in time outs. They don't seem to be working. As for leaving her alone, I am talking about walking into another romm for 5 seconds.

We have always had her helping us out and the twins and providing positive reinforcment in doing so.


It would be great to hear how long certain techniques take and for some novel techniques. We have tried all that have been provided so far. thank you again

[TKJ0321]

Have you tried putting her in her room and closing the door? My friend does this with her 3yr old son when he is bad. What she does is puts him in his room turns the light and then closes the door. It usually works for her when she does that. Its hard to punish little kids at that young of an age.

You said you put her in time out. Do you mean that you just sit her in a chair or something? It sounds to me like she is just a little jelous of the babies. Make sure she knows you lover hand everything. Do somethings where she can help you with the babies For example she can help you feed them when you are right there with her, show her how to make them laugh and stuff.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Such poor control over aggressive impulses is fairly common in children this age and requires a systematic routine of behavior management. With any instance of aggression, place her in time out immediately. She should sit in an adult-size chair for five minutes, quietly. Use a portable digital cooking timer to track the time. It goes without saying that she'll require very close supervision with the siblings, and there may be times when she is not allowed to be with them. You'll have to use your judgement. She should definitely never be left unattended with them. This would be true even if she didn't have this particular problem.