Our four year old is wired differently...resources for parents and kids?

Our 4 year old seems to be wired differently than normal kids and we are really unsure where to turn. I have read a million behavior and parenting books, but I feel we really need some resources for parents in how to manage him without making him worse and making ourselves crazy.

He is intelligent, sweet, loving, generally good to his little sister. No flags have come up for the pediatrician or teachers in terms of autism or extreme aggression. Still, the more I watch him develop, he seems moodier and more emotional and a little more vindictive than other kids. He has trouble with transitions and often melts down, briefly, when asked to do things against his will (even with 5-2-1 minute warnings). He does get angry and act out with hitting occasionally, and he cannot bring himself to say he is sorry and won't do it again. Hard line discipline tends to exacerbate the situation. Time outs are problematic, because he spend them sneaking off the stairs or escalating in his bedroom (meaning he cannot calm himself down). Things get much worse when he is tired or hungry, which happens occasionally, despite our best efforts. He does vindictive things like peeing, hiding or breaking things when he is angry. More sneaky and difficult than truly destructive/aggressive, but extended family members are frustrated and sometimes turned off by his ongoing issues.

I have read a million books on behavior development and parenting, but nothing really seems to click with us or him. We need parenting advice and strategies for behavior/emotional management specifically designed for him. What kind of practitioner can help us all?

I did register him with child find, which is the county early intervention program in our area because he does have a small speech impediment, which may or may not play into other things. They handle all the way up to emotional disorders and autism and will be contacting us for an appointment in the next 2 weeks.

Thank you.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

It would probably be helpful for you to meet with a pediatric behavioral health clinician for the purpose of obtaining some guidance about managing your son's behavior. You certainly did a wise thing by aranging the evaluation.