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Out of control, disrespectful 3 year old
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Out of control, disrespectful 3 year old

I'm worried about my 3 year old, and everyone thinks I'm crazy because his mood changes so often..

First of all my child is extremely disrespectful to me and other members of the household. He hits people, throws things at them,(all this including to me) abuses the animals by kicking them and pinching them. He crawled onto the counter tops and grabbed a scissors and cut open our dogs ear..

When we try to tell him to do anything all we get is "blah blah blah, bullsh*t bullsh*t bullsh*t", then he'll spit at you and run. It's all a big game to him. We have been told "be consistent in your times outs", but people aren't understanding that those things aren't working. We've tried getting down to his level and talking, but that just makes us more of a target for his abuse. We've tried spanking numerous times, but that ended up in failure when he just kept going back to doing what he wasn't supposed to do int he first place. Tried taking toys away.. he just finds a box or something to play with/throw at you.. He runs this house and nobody can control him. For every 5min of hugging and kissing and love he gives, there's 2 hours of his mean streak to follow..

I was hoping to post this into the doctor section but that's full for today.. maybe tomorrow. I was wondering if anyone else has seen or had any experiences with anything this similar. We have been to many doctors that refuse to treat him for anything because they say we as the parent need to handle this that no one else is going to do our job for us.

I haven't been able to leave the house without him in over 2 years because of this behavior, nobody wants to baby-sit him, I can't find a job because I can't take him with on interviews and such.. it's dragging my life down and I'm at a loss.

I'm at at my wits end, I just want my sweet little boy that I know is inside there somewhere. Is there anything I can do myself since doctors won't help me?
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13167_tn?1327197724
It's hard to tell who all is in your family - it sounds like you live with a large extended family who sort of disrespect your parenting?    Or maybe you have roommates or several families all living there?

It sounds like a lot of your frustration comes from embarrassment,  and other people thinking you're crazy because his mood changes so often.  (I'm not sure I get what you're saying there,  why they would think you're crazy,  maybe ineffective is a better word?)

I wish you had watched SuperNanny last week.  Exactly your situation.   The thing is,  if doctors have watched him and decided he's within the normal range but you just need to take control,  I bet they know what they're seeing.  I'm picturing you alternatively shouting,  threatening,  and occasionally spanking,  but I'm not seeing someone who is exerting control.

You need to take control.  It sounds like you're trying this and trying that but basically not TAKING CONTROL.  If you get hit and kicked in the process,  so be it.  He's just going to get bigger and the hits and kicks will hurt worse!

Here's what you need to do.  Sit down,  and calmly say that things are out of control in the house,  and there are now rules.  

1.  No hitting
2.  No kicking
3.  No name calling
4.  No throwing things

What is rewarding for him?  A delicious dessert?  A trip to the dollar store?  TV?  An extra 20 minutes staying up late?  Depending on how he did that day,  if he was 1/2 good,  he'll get half the reward.  If he's 1/4 good,  1/4 the reward.  etc.

There needs to be a specific time out area where gets taken when he breaks the rules.  And he needs to be made to sit there for several minutes until he can calm himself down,  even if that means you get kicked and hit several times.  

Don't yell,  don't scream,  don't hit,  be FORCEFUL and AUTHORITATIVE.

You're battling a lot here.  Good that you had him evaluated because some kids do have disorders,  this one has no discipline it sounds like.  

Best wishes battling both his misbehavior and the discord in the household.



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203342_tn?1328740807
I'm wondering where he hears this kind of language? The bull**** example. He does need consistancy. I think you feel at a loss right now and feel like or have given up? That's certainly understandable but you can regain that power. It will take some work and consistancy though.
When my daughter was little, she used to throw the worst temper tantrums. She would be totally out of control. I was horrified and didn't know how to handle this. My oldest son had never done this. The thing is when they are this out of control, you can't reason with them. What I had to do was put her in her room until she calmed down. Time outs didn't work because she wouldn't stay still. When she would calm down, then we'd sit down and talk to her. There were many times I had to take her out of a store or somewhere, kicking and screaming and bring her right home and right into her room. I too was at a loss. I didn't know how to help her. Fortunately, she outgrew this phase for the most part but she still has a temper. She's a teenager now. Part of it is a maturity thing but he cannot be allowed to be disrespectful to you or any authority figure. My two oldest tried a dirty word only once and they both got their mouths washed out with soap. (I'd get some liqued soap on my finger and put it in their mouths). Many people would disagree with that method but let me tell you something, I only had to do it once with both of them. They never did it again. It did make an impact on them. They didn't like the yucky taste of soap in their mouths.
Try a reward chart with him. This will encourage him to try and be good so that he can get rewards. If he doesn't behave, he loses his reward for the day.
I think Supernanny is pretty good too to watch. She has some good ideas.
Hang in there! Everytime he acts up, immediately remove him from the situation in some kind of time out. When he's calm, then you can explain why he was in time out. When he's good, reward him. Give him lot's of praise when you see him behaving. It's important that you stay calm and in control.
Watch his diet and sleep patterns. Make sure he's getting enough sleep and is eating nutritious foods. Some kids react badly to sugar and food dyes among other things.
See if you can find a support group with other parents. You need support and encouragement. It's possible he has an anger issue, perhaps Opisitional Defient Disorder or something. It's hard to tell when he's this young. Still, he needs to learn what's acceptable behavior and what's not. Good luck to you. Wish I could help more. I'm here though if you need to talk more. Best wihes.
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203342_tn?1328740807
Ps. One more thing. I just thought of somthing. Make sure you moniter his TV watching that he isn't watching any movies or shows that are violent or have sex or bad words. Also watch any video games he might be playing. This could make him more prone to violence if he's watching it. At his age, he shouldn't be watching anything but Seseme Street or most PBS shows. No PG or PG13 at this age, only G rated should be allowed. Hope this helps.
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Avatar_n_tn
Im in the same boat my fiancee has a 3 and a half year old who is out of control and acts the same way minus the cursing but who cares he's so disrespectful he might as well be cursing im from an era where children being this way isn't tolerated at all i have 3 kids and none of them give me any problems i can give em a look and the non-sense stops but he's not mine so im in a bind as far as how much disciplining i can do his mother is helpless she tries everything every tactic non-spanking,spanking,timeouts they all fail against him he cares about nothing except what he wants and his grandmother (my fiancee's mom) underminds her everytime she tries to discipline him so he knows he has a safe haven when he gets in trouble but when they're at my house i treat him like a soldier because i feel he deserves no priviledges if he wants to act grown he gets grown up punishments no cartoons,snacks,nothing its strictly sit in the chair until its time to leave and i dont want it like that but he had the nerve to tell me he doesnt like me because in his words"he doesnt like me" i know typical kid response but you have to witness this kid in action he's damien's spawn! but then again i dont wish him on my worst enemy he's that bad,disrespectful,annoying(whining and screaming,and tantrums)its so funny because he's smart and he understands he has a safe haven so he acts on that knowledge but he's not smart enough to know how to blow his own nose which shows how young he is yet he gives us grown up stress.im not looking for help or advice just wanted to let you know someone is out here with same exact problem im gonna live by my old school rules and thats how he's gonna get disciplined ill be the voice but his mother is gonna be the bite behind the bark
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