Out of control 3 year old

I am a stay at home mom with a very active 3 year old, which is great. I can keep up with him when it comes to playing, but when I get the phone or deter my attention away from him for a minute, he starts to act up. He doesn't just get whiney or annoying he slams his fists, throws things and yells. He usually does this when I tell him no. I very rarely say no unless it is going to endanger him or be disruptive. For example we went to the grocery store today and he wanted to push the cart. He usually wants to and I always say he can help. That is USUALLY fine except for today. He grabbed it and pushed it into a man! I almost died and I grabbed him immediately and said no and that he hurt a man because he didn't listen. He threw himself down and told me to shut up. I had to physically pick him up and pretty much drag him out the door. Meanwhile people are staring and giving me dirty looks like I am the bad guy. I am a good mother with plenty of patience but I am at my wits end as to how to discipline him. Tried time out, threatening to take stuff away,redirecting, ignored him, and lately have been yelling. It's nothing I am proud of but sometimes it's the only way to get his attention and for him to hear me over his screaming and banging and throwing things. It is just awful and I know it's a normal phase, but I don't think his actions are normal. Please help me I am desperate!~!~! :,,,,(


This discussion is related to Almost 4 year old girl, doesn't listen, has horrible attitude.

[margypops]

Maybe not take him to the stores,  do the shopping when Dad is there to babysit him,also stop him using the cart 3 year old's are bound to bash into folks, so no cart pushing.If he is hearing you yelling he is copying you, and you sound like you are getting into a power issue , when  he is bad in the house take him quietly into time out no fighting, it wont really get his attention it will fire him up and make it worse .Is he at pre- school or daycare ,what is he like ,is he angry when he's there.

[AnnieBrooke]

You need him to understand what a "consequence" is, and to have the consequences be something he really does not like.  Once he understands what one is, you can tell him that if he continues to behave the way he is (when he's screaming or yelling) he will have a consequence.  My son knows he can be issued a consequence, and doesn't like them, and he also knows he can earn his way out of a consequence (if one is hanging over his head) by doing something we name (some piece of desired behavior).  At 3, your child is old enough to understand all this.  Our consequences are something like -- you won't get to carve the pumpkin this evening, there will be no dessert, you have to spend some time alone in your room, we won't buy you a little toy at the checkstand next time we are at the store, etc. etc.  They are not big things, but they ARE things that matter to him.  You kind of have to watch carefully to develop a list of the things that he really likes, as they are the only things that work as consequences.