Out of control 4yr old son

[mominsane]

I have a 4yr. old son who si totally out of control.  My husband and I are both in the military and have been deployed at separate time since he has been born.  His father left when he was 11 months old. until he was 23 months old.  I left when he was 22 months until he was 35 months.  Now his fahter is deployed again.  He came hoem for a visit in Dec of 08 and as soon as he left.  My son started having behavior problems.  Hitting other kids, throing toys, climbing on furniture.  He has been kicked out of 2 daycare's  and  nnow he is currently with a home provider with no other children.  He kicks ands scream and throws things with her.  At home he screams and kicks and throws things.  I have tried, spanking, a belt and tiem out.  Nothing is working.  Any advice you can offer would be appreciated

[margypops]

It could be your punishments are part of the problem , It has been said by many experts that spanking especially a belt, actually has an adverse affect on children, have you thought he may be copying ,/acting out .He is unhappy perhaps time to focus on what is m,aking him unhappy , set firm bounderies, if he misbehaves take away something he cares about , a game , TV tell him he has to behave then he gets it back, are you consistant in the time outs. Have a seat in a room tell him he has to stay there when he comes off the chair you take him back, no yelling , no words,bequiet ..if he hears you yelling he will copy you. I also believe that distraction works if the day care person gets him interested in playing outside games and activities, reading, he is also missing you and his Dad when you are at home he needs you not day care.. Good luck, I realise its not easy trying to do it all..