Out of control 6 year old son

I have come to the point where I have no clue what I am doing wrong, and what I can do to make my son behave. My son has been in a child care environment since he was 8 weeks old. Right before he turned 2 years old I left his father and pretty much his father has decided to not be a part of his life. (His father was deployed to Iraq for about a year during the first two years of my son's life as well, and has never really been in the picture). As a single mom, I have struggled with providing a constant living situation for my son, and finally was on my feet able to support us right after his 3rd birthday. I noticed that once he started pre-school that is where our problems began. He would get in trouble for talking out of turn and hitting the other kids. But when I would talk to his teacher about it, she would tell me that this is pretty much normal with his age and the kids in the class all behave the same. When we started Kindergarten this past August, I figured everything would be ok (since he acts like the "normal" child of his age). But since he has been in Kindergarten and the afterschool program at his school, we have had nothing but problems upon problems. Since August he has gotten in trouble at school for disruptive behavior, not being able to keep his hands to himself, inappropriate behavior (he has told another boy to kiss his privates, and has pulled down the pants of another child as well at one point), licking walls and his friends... just to name a few of the things. When we discuss his actions he tells me that he knows he was wrong, but really has no reason as to why he is behaving the way he is. I have tried the spanking, taking away things, grounding him, everything I can imagine! And his behavior continues. Last night he has gotten a write up from the afterschool program telling me that if he gets in trouble one more time, they are going to have to suspend him from the program. I am at the point where I don't know what to do to make him behave like a good child when I am not around. I have taken him to the doctor to get evaluated to make sure that there are no other problems, that can be medical related and he has come back fine. I don't know if it is his early life and lack of father that is making him act the way he is, but I can't turn back time, and I can't make his father want to be a part of his life.... What am I suppose to do to have my child behave????

[natbutterflyblue]

I really feel for you, firstly don't blame yourself or your past. Its just my opinion and I may be incorrect but I dont think that a lack of a father would affect him this way. Its interesting that this behavior is only while he is away from you. As a child care worker I can tell you that him acting out at a young age was not normal. In a child care environment most children comfortable slip into the routine. Talking out of turn and hitting in three year olds is not as common as you have been led to believe.
If nothing is medically wrong perhaps trying to get him into see a  child psychologist may help. I dont want to scare you but maybe something has happened that he dosnt want to talk about. My nephew was 4 when he suddenly began acting up out of the blue he had been a happy child until then we eventually discovered it was because his father had been hitting him and threatening him. If something has happened like that it may take a professional to help. Acting out only when he is not with you seems to be a cry for help.
I really dont think not having his dad around would be the cause if that were that case we would be seeing many many more children acting this way.
I wish you all the best with your child