Overwhelmed and indecisive

My boyfriend wants to get married to me and although I love him, I am not sure if this is the right thing to do.  Problem, his son.  My boyfriend has joint custody and spends 2 weekends with him out of the month and 12 days during the week out of the month.  So, on the weekends his son is not with him, my boyfriend spend time together.  Okay, so this is the problem.  Whenever his son is not with him, he will constantly call him to see him and be with him.  I see the look on my boyfriend as if though he is torn and I tell him to bring his son over to be with us and we do for a least a few hours.  During the last month, my boyfriends son has called his father on our weekends twice in a row to be with him and we have brought him to be with us for two hours each time.  Now, it seems to becoming a habit.  I live in Manhattan whereas my boyfriend lives in Queens.  There are many times I want to be at home to spend time with my 21 year old son and he becomes very upset and claims that my son is a man and does not need my attention and does fine alone.  I get very upset at this because I don't think that because someone is an adult, they don't need any companion or love from a parent.  In any event, my boyfriend claims that the reason why he wants me to come over to Queens is so he can spend time alone with me but meanwhile his son is calling him constantly to pick him up because he is bored and we are compelled to bring him over.  I am getting tired of this.  The kid will continue to call until his father gives in.   Help, any advice?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

You have to decide. What you see is what you get. If what you see is not what you would like your future to be, then you know what to do. The adult thing to do is to discuss this with your friend - put it all on the table, including telling him that if the status quo persists he will be losing you.