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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
POTTY TRAINING AND CONSTANT WHINING
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
POTTY TRAINING AND CONSTANT WHINING
by jan, Apr 04, 2000 12:00AM
OUR THREE YEAR OLD SON IS VERY "HIGH MAINTIENECE". HE CONSTANTLY WHINES AND CRIES, AND ABSOLUTELY REFUSES TO HAVE A BM IN THE POTTY. WE HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING WE KNOW OF TO SOLVE BOTH PROBLEMS INCLUDING REWARDS, TIME OUT, POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT FOR APPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR, HAVING HIM REPEAT WHAT HE IS SAYING WITHOUT CRYING OR WHINING, AND HAVE EVEN RESORTED TO SPANKING.(NEITHER MY HUSBAND NOR I INTEND TO SPANK HIM AGAIN, AS IT IS MUCH WORSE FOR US THAN HIM, AND PROVES NOTHING!)
HE CAN BE SO VERY SWEET AND LOVING AT TIMES, BUT MORE OFTEN THAN NOT HE IS TRUELY A HANDFUL. WHEN HE CRIES, THERE ARE USUALLY NO TEARS, JUST A LOT OF YELLING. HE WILL VOID IN THE POTTY, AND WILL EVEN GO WITHOUT BEING REMINDED, BUT WHEN IT COMES TO A BM, HE ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT GO IN THE POTTY. WE HAVE EVEN LET HIM SIT ON THE POTTY WITH HIS "PULL-UP" ON AND TRY TO LET HIM GO IN HIS PULL-UP, ALL TO NO AVAIL. I AM A STAY AT HOME MOM AND DURING THE DAY WILL LET HIM PLAY "JUNGLE BOY" AND LET HIM GO AROUND WITHOUT CLOTHES. AGAIN, HE WILL GO TO THE BATHROOM ON HIS OWN TO VOID, BUT WILL HAVE A BM ON THE FLOOR. I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS AND AM TRUELY AT MY WITS END.
I ALSO HAVE A SON WHO IS 9 AND A DAUGHTER WHO IS 18 MONTHS. MY 3 YEAR OLD AND MY DAUGHTER GET ALONG FAIRLY WELL, BUT HE AND HIS OLDER BROTHER FIGHT ALMOST CONSTANTLY. I CAN ONLY ASSUME THAT THIS IS BECAUSE OF THE AGE DIFFERENCE, AND I KNOW THERE ARE SOME JEALOSY ISSUES. THESE ARE BEING ADDRESSED, BUT IN THE MEANTIME I AM JUST ABOUT READY TO THROW IN THE TOWEL AND ADMIT DEFEAT!! ANY ADVICE OR SUGGESTIONS WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED. THANKS!
HE CAN BE SO VERY SWEET AND LOVING AT TIMES, BUT MORE OFTEN THAN NOT HE IS TRUELY A HANDFUL. WHEN HE CRIES, THERE ARE USUALLY NO TEARS, JUST A LOT OF YELLING. HE WILL VOID IN THE POTTY, AND WILL EVEN GO WITHOUT BEING REMINDED, BUT WHEN IT COMES TO A BM, HE ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT GO IN THE POTTY. WE HAVE EVEN LET HIM SIT ON THE POTTY WITH HIS "PULL-UP" ON AND TRY TO LET HIM GO IN HIS PULL-UP, ALL TO NO AVAIL. I AM A STAY AT HOME MOM AND DURING THE DAY WILL LET HIM PLAY "JUNGLE BOY" AND LET HIM GO AROUND WITHOUT CLOTHES. AGAIN, HE WILL GO TO THE BATHROOM ON HIS OWN TO VOID, BUT WILL HAVE A BM ON THE FLOOR. I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS AND AM TRUELY AT MY WITS END.
I ALSO HAVE A SON WHO IS 9 AND A DAUGHTER WHO IS 18 MONTHS. MY 3 YEAR OLD AND MY DAUGHTER GET ALONG FAIRLY WELL, BUT HE AND HIS OLDER BROTHER FIGHT ALMOST CONSTANTLY. I CAN ONLY ASSUME THAT THIS IS BECAUSE OF THE AGE DIFFERENCE, AND I KNOW THERE ARE SOME JEALOSY ISSUES. THESE ARE BEING ADDRESSED, BUT IN THE MEANTIME I AM JUST ABOUT READY TO THROW IN THE TOWEL AND ADMIT DEFEAT!! ANY ADVICE OR SUGGESTIONS WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED. THANKS!
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Apr 05, 2000 12:00AM
, Apr 05, 2000 12:00AM
Dear Jan,
Your son will use the potty when he is ready. You may as well stop placing undue pressure on both him and you. Be patient - he is still young. The pattern you describe is not particularly unusual.
Relative to his whining, try not to respond to it with any great amount of attention or interaction. If your son is asking or demanding things via his whining, calmly tell him you will listen when he is able to speak with you in his 'regular' (or whatever word you use) voice. Then, go about your business. There's no need getting yourself in a state about the whining. As parents, we often let ourselves be bothered by things that don't actually have to bother us. We tend to think that whining, for example, will automatically disturb us. It will only if we allow it to. Of course, be sure you are reinforcing appropriate verbal interaction by responding to it - that is the best reinforcement. If your son persists in whining, tell him it's OK to do so, but he'll have to continue it in his room (or some other room). So, the issue becomes not one of whether he will whine, but where.
Your son will use the potty when he is ready. You may as well stop placing undue pressure on both him and you. Be patient - he is still young. The pattern you describe is not particularly unusual.
Relative to his whining, try not to respond to it with any great amount of attention or interaction. If your son is asking or demanding things via his whining, calmly tell him you will listen when he is able to speak with you in his 'regular' (or whatever word you use) voice. Then, go about your business. There's no need getting yourself in a state about the whining. As parents, we often let ourselves be bothered by things that don't actually have to bother us. We tend to think that whining, for example, will automatically disturb us. It will only if we allow it to. Of course, be sure you are reinforcing appropriate verbal interaction by responding to it - that is the best reinforcement. If your son persists in whining, tell him it's OK to do so, but he'll have to continue it in his room (or some other room). So, the issue becomes not one of whether he will whine, but where.
Member Comments (2)
by Mary, May 08, 2000 12:00AM
in a similar situation.....what do you suggest a child wear (diaper vs training panties)when potty training (2 1/2 yrs old, really focused training for 1 week)? She does not have bm's on potty, but will consistently urinate on the toilet.
