POTTY TRAINING

[BRENDERONI]

My son is 4 years and 3 months old. He has been urinating in the toilet for around one year, rarely having accidents.  However, he will not poop in the toilet.  He understands the concept and will tell you that poop goes in the toilet.  But again and again he poops in his underwear. He only goes in the toilet if I catch him in the act and take him into the bathroom.  He does not go on a regular basis, only every three days or so.  I think he holds it just to avoid the whole issue.  I am supposed to register him for kindergarten in 4 months, he goes part time to preschool now.  He has accidents at preschool and I don't know what I'm going to do about kindergarten.  I have tried rewards, sticker charts, happy faces, candy, praise, punishment, loss of priveledges.  I've tried doing nothing, not mentioning it for long periods of time.  Nothing has made a difference.  I feel like I am running out of time, he has to start school.  I don't know what else I can do.  I am so frustrated.  I've tried reasoning with him, asking him questions about it.  He changes the subject or runs away from me, and doesn't want any part of the conversation. I feel totally lost.  Any advise or opinion on this issue would be greatly appreciated.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

This pattern often coincides with constipation and the physical pain/discomfort that children experience as a result. The avoidance has to do with the expected pain. It would be useful to schedule an apppointment with his pediatrician. Physical examination may be sufficient, but he may also order a KUB to detrmine if your son's bowels are impacted. When this is the cause of the avoidance of using the toilet, once the 'underlying' problem is treated  children see that moving their bowels is not painful and they are much more ready to use the toilet (particurly when an incentive system is employed). Perhaps some of our readers will comment on their experiences with this phenomenon.

[jd1419]

I would say don't register him for kindergarten.  He may need that extra year out of school--see if they have a pre-k program he can go to.  Also if hee poops in his pants make him clean himself up and change his own clothes and rinse out his underwear--that may get him to stop.

[AHP84]

I agree with jd1419 about making your son clean himself up after accidents. This worked with me as a child (or so my mother tells me). Show indifference if he objects to the clean-up process, and have a "you made it, you clean all of it" outlook. Give very little help, if any at all. Best of luck to you!

[shawnys_grl]

My son (now almost 5) would absolutely refuse to poop on the potty.  He would pee on the potty for a year or so before he would poop.  He would scream and cry if I tried to make him.  Or hold it in and eventually go in his pants if I didn't.  Which isn't healthy or sanitary at all.  He was obviously afraid but it didn't seem like there was much I could do to help him if I didn't know WHAT he was afraid of.  What I did (prepare yourself, this sounds extreme to alot of people I have told this to).. I refused to let him go in his pants.  So he started going on the floor.  He would sneak away and hide in a corner somewhere.  I didn't want him to feel like he had to hide from me, so I got some of those sterile hospital pads and put it outside the bathroom door (because he refused to go into the bathroom) and told him if he had to go, he could go on that and I would clean it up as soon as he was done.  Once he got used to doing it that way, I moved the pad into the bathroom.  From there, I coaxed him into sitting on the potty.  I think the whole process took about a month.  

I think the reason it worked was because I was focused on what I could do to make him feel comfortable, rather than focusing on what was making him uncomfortable.  Our way of dealing with it most likely wouldn't help you since all children are different, but thinking of it the way I did just may.  Give him sanitary options, as opposed to going in his pants, and find out what he would be comfortable with.  Then revise the situation as he becomes more comfortable.

Of course, all this would be irrelevant if you do take him to the doctor and it is a physical problem.  I hope you can find a comfortable way to deal with this.  I know it's a tough situation to be in.    

    

[Mommy73]

Hi there! I was going to post an almost identical rant about my son (also 4 years old and will be 5 in July- ready for Kindergarten in the fall).  My husband and I are SO FRUSTRATED. We have done everything that you have, charts, stickers, baskets full dollar store prizes wrapped in shiny paper, withholding TV, games, and the list goes on.  We took him to a GI doctor (Gastroenterologist) to make sure there was nothing physical. It appears that it is just a control issue (he is in control :-)).  We have come to the conclusion that once again, we need to let this go (to an extent).  We will reinforce the need for him to clean himself and his messes, but otherwise, it appears that he knows this is a way to get our attention so we need to try and find other outlets and ways for him to feel heard.  

He has an older brother (7 years old) and he is always in direct competition to "win".  We have spoken to our older son about not being so competitive, giving our yougest a chance to feel special too.  We are going to take some "Parent and Me" classes to give him some one on one time. We will continue to be firm about the subject but vow to try and not "lose our minds" over this anymore.  The more "matter-of-fact" we can try to be, the better results we hope to get.

One thing I have learned by researching this issue for the past 6 months or so on various boards and sites is that we are not alone (even though it feels like the rest of the world solved these issues when their kids were 2 or 3).  Hang in there and try to do the best you can.  Take one day at a time and one day your son and my son will get beyond this. Good luck and Best Wishes

[tanyafan]

I have seen a new invention from the new inventors series on the ABC website. It facilitate toilet training for young boys. I wonder if it works.

It is basically a target plate attached in the toilet and when the children urinate on it, it change from black to a colored cartoon pictures. It could be used repeatly.

I wonder if this invention will help.

This is the website for a the video clip:

http://www.abc.net.au/tv/newinventors/txt/s1860576.htm

What do you think?

[Barbie22]

I have a 5 1/2 year old that has been diagnosed as bi-polar and refuses to poop on the potty.  He goes in his pants almost daily.  I had him with a great kindergarden teacher, and he instantly stopped(for 5 months straight).  Now, they switched him into another class 3 months ago, and he started pooping in his pants again.  This has been going on now for 3 months.  I've tried everything.  I went to the principal and asked her to change him back to his old teacher and explained the problem, and she is refusing to put him back in her class, as she is overcrowded.  My son says "I cannot feel it when I have to go."  And when I ask if he poops in his pants, (because he smells) he always lies and says "no."  It sadens me to see a school "system" that will not allow for a child having problems.  Any advice?  And by the way, I tried the concept of him cleaning up after himself....  What a mess that was.  He had the bathroom covered with water.  He clogged up the sink and let the water run all over.  He didn't like cleaning it up, so he was going to show me... I tried taking him to the dollar store every time he didn't poop in his pants, which is usually a big insentive for him, but it didn't work. (With bi-polar kids they always want material rewards(he laughed at the star board I made for him) and usually the dollar store concept works.)

[Barbie22]

I have a 5 1/2 year old that has been diagnosed as bi-polar and refuses to poop on the potty.  He goes in his pants almost daily.  I had him with a great kindergarden teacher, and he instantly stopped(for 5 months straight).  Now, they switched him into another class 3 months ago, and he started pooping in his pants again.  This has been going on now for 3 months.  I've tried everything.  I went to the principal and asked her to change him back to his old teacher and explained the problem, and she is refusing to put him back in her class, as she is overcrowded.  My son says "I cannot feel it when I have to go."  And when I ask if he poops in his pants, (because he smells) he always lies and says "no."  It sadens me to see a school "system" that will not allow for a child having problems.  Any advice?  And by the way, I tried the concept of him cleaning up after himself....  What a mess that was.  He had the bathroom covered with water.  He clogged up the sink and let the water run all over.  He didn't like cleaning it up, so he was going to show me... I tried taking him to the dollar store every time he didn't poop in his pants, which is usually a big insentive for him, but it didn't work. (With bi-polar kids they always want material rewards(he laughed at the star board I made for him) and usually the dollar store concept works.)

[cheyenne2584]

For about the last 6 months, my daughter plays with her poop. When we first started potty training, she got constipated and I think that was what stalled her with actually pooping in the toilet, because she coincided pooping on the toilet with pain, so for the moment, I've just dealt with her pooping in her pants, bcause she still hasn't mastered peeing in the toilet every time either. However, for the last 4 months or so, she will actually take her diaper off and take the poop out of it and smear it on everything. We've tried talking to her and telling her how gross it is and that you're not supposed to do that. Once that didn't work, I spanked her really hard for it two days in a row and that stopped it for awhile. Then it only started all over again. We've thrown out everything that she has smeared the poop on, her drumset, her kitchenette, her guitar, several other little toys. We've put her in time out for extended periods of time, taken away the tv, I've run out of options. I don't know what to do. Part of me thinks she might be doing this for attention because we have a 3 1/2 month old son, but I will sit down with her EVERY day and have just me and her time. We'll color, paint, read book after book, play with her toys in her room, do puzzles together, but it just seems like it isn't enough. What should I do?