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PROBLEM WITH BABYSITTER
MY BABYSITTER IS A OLDER RELATIVE. SHE KEEPS MY 5 MONTH OLD BABY GIRL. AT HER 4 MONTH CHECK-UP I ASKED THE DOCTOR IF I COULD START HER ON SOLID FOODS BECAUSE FOR ABOUT 2 WEEKS ALREADY I HAD BEEN FEEDING HER RICE CEREAL OUT OF A SPOON AND AHE TOOK UP WITH IT REALLY WELL. THE DOCTOR ASKED ME WHY I THOUGHT SHE WAS READY FOR THAT AND I TOLD HIM THAT I NOTICED SHE HAD BEEN SWALLOWING FRONT TO BACK LIKE WE DO. THAT IS WHY I TRIED THE SPOON AND RICE. HE SAID IT WAS FINE BECAUSE SHE HAD BEEN ADVANCED SINCE THE DAY SHE WAS BORN, AND SHE WAS READY TO TRY SOLID FOODS. SO IT WORKED OUT GREAT AND I CALLED HIM AND TOLD HIM AND ASKED OF SHE COULD EAT 3 TIMES A DAY WITH BOTTLES IN BETWEEN. AND HE SAID YES. MY CHILD IS VERY DEMANDING AND SHE LETS YOU KNOW WHEN SHE IS HUNGRY OR IS FULL, WHEN SHE WANTS TO BE HELD OR SAT DOWN TO PLAY BE HERSELF, ETC....... WHEN I TOLD THE BABYSITTER SHE SAID SHE WOULDN'T DO IT THAT SHE WAS GOING TO GET SO FAT THAT SHE WOULDN'T EVEN BE ABLE TO WALK BY THE TIME SHE WAS 2. MY BABY IS IN THE 90TH PERCT. FOR HER HEIGHT AND 75TH FOR HER WEIGHT. AND HAS DONE EVERYTHING EARLY SINCE THE TIME SHE WAS BORN; SIT FOR 60 SECS WITHOUT SUPPORT, ROLLS OVER BOTH WAYS, PLAYS IN A EXERCAUCER THAT IS FOR 6 MONTHS AND UP, AND IS SCOOTING TRYING TO CRAWL. SHE LAUGHS AND BABBLES. WHEN SHE WAS ONLY 4 HOURS OLD SHE LAUGHED OUT LOUD IN HER SLEEP AND WHEN SHE WAS AWAKE SHE WOULD TRY SO HARD TO LIFT HER HEAD UP. HE DOC. SAID THEN SHE WAS WAY AHEAD OF THE GAME. I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS SUCH A PROBLEM HER DOC SAID IT WAS FINE. PLEASE GIVE ME SOME ADVICE TO HELP THIS SITUATION!!!
Hi latinmom, I don't know if you'll see this. I'm sure you meant for this to go to a new post, but I just had to answer. Here's some ideas:
When you know you are getting ready to go to the store, sit down with your son and tell him calmly that you are going to the store and that if he can behave himself and sit nicely in the cart and not whine or talk back that you will get him a treat. However, if he does NOT behave tell him that you will immediately leave the store and he will go straight home to his room. And MEAN what you say! You will probably have several times that you actually will have to leave the store. And it will be inconvenient. I've had to leave an entire cart of food before. But he needs to know that you mean business and you mean what you say. Don't take it personally what he says to you. He knows how to push your buttons. He sees how much his words can hurt you. Kids are smart. You have a power struggle going on right now and you've got to stop it before it gets worse and he gets older and better able to control you to get what he wants. Right now he's got you where he wants you and he's getting exactly what he wants. Be prepared for a battle!!! This will not be easy at first! He will fight you tooth and nail. But if you stay consistant and don't cave in, you will gain the upper hand again. It will take work and it will take time though. Are you willing to do this? You may have to carry him out of the store kicking and screaming (and yes, I've had to do that with my daughter when she was younger. She used to throw the most horible tantrums) I'm not saying this will be easy, but it will get easier with time when he begins to realize that you mean what you say. Children desperately need guidelines and rules and if they don't have any, they will become out of control. Be sure that you praise him when he does good too. I used to tell my daughter that if she behaved we'd go for ice cream. One day she didn't behave so I had to tell her she lost her ice cream. She wasn't happy at all and screamed and cried, but I took her home and put her right in her bedroom. Your son is very bright. It won't take him long at all to learn these new rules.
Another idea is to start a reward chart. He gets start or stickers when he behaves and when they add up to a certain amount he gets a special treat. Do not allow him to talk disrespectfully to you. If he talks this way to you now, can you imagine him as a teenager? You've got to get a handle on this now! Sit him down calmly and tell him that you cannot allow him to talk to you disrespectfully and that when he chooses to talk back that he will lose his rewards. Always stay calm! You have to show him that you are the mommy and the one in control not him! And most importantly, stay consistant! If you start to slide back into old habits all your hard work will go down the drain. Are you up for this? If you are willing to really work at this and stay with this, it WILL work.
Let me know how things are going with you. I'll be thinking about you. I wish you the best! God bless.
When you know you are getting ready to go to the store, sit down with your son and tell him calmly that you are going to the store and that if he can behave himself and sit nicely in the cart and not whine or talk back that you will get him a treat. However, if he does NOT behave tell him that you will immediately leave the store and he will go straight home to his room. And MEAN what you say! You will probably have several times that you actually will have to leave the store. And it will be inconvenient. I've had to leave an entire cart of food before. But he needs to know that you mean business and you mean what you say. Don't take it personally what he says to you. He knows how to push your buttons. He sees how much his words can hurt you. Kids are smart. You have a power struggle going on right now and you've got to stop it before it gets worse and he gets older and better able to control you to get what he wants. Right now he's got you where he wants you and he's getting exactly what he wants. Be prepared for a battle!!! This will not be easy at first! He will fight you tooth and nail. But if you stay consistant and don't cave in, you will gain the upper hand again. It will take work and it will take time though. Are you willing to do this? You may have to carry him out of the store kicking and screaming (and yes, I've had to do that with my daughter when she was younger. She used to throw the most horible tantrums) I'm not saying this will be easy, but it will get easier with time when he begins to realize that you mean what you say. Children desperately need guidelines and rules and if they don't have any, they will become out of control. Be sure that you praise him when he does good too. I used to tell my daughter that if she behaved we'd go for ice cream. One day she didn't behave so I had to tell her she lost her ice cream. She wasn't happy at all and screamed and cried, but I took her home and put her right in her bedroom. Your son is very bright. It won't take him long at all to learn these new rules.
Another idea is to start a reward chart. He gets start or stickers when he behaves and when they add up to a certain amount he gets a special treat. Do not allow him to talk disrespectfully to you. If he talks this way to you now, can you imagine him as a teenager? You've got to get a handle on this now! Sit him down calmly and tell him that you cannot allow him to talk to you disrespectfully and that when he chooses to talk back that he will lose his rewards. Always stay calm! You have to show him that you are the mommy and the one in control not him! And most importantly, stay consistant! If you start to slide back into old habits all your hard work will go down the drain. Are you up for this? If you are willing to really work at this and stay with this, it WILL work.
Let me know how things are going with you. I'll be thinking about you. I wish you the best! God bless.
I have a 3 1/2 years old son. He is very outgoing with people sometimes way too much, If I go to grocery shopping I have such a hard time to sitting him down in the shopping cart, he will sit only if I offerd him something like a treat.
He always wants to get something from where ever I go. I've been concern about his recently behavior if dont get something he will start saying things that it hurts me a lot, such as : I will go away from , I will find another mother, I will kill you.....Sometimes he tried to open the door and walk away. He goes to a preschool day care almost the whole week, he likes to watch cartoon like spiderman, cars, I noticed that some of the cartoon has to much violence in it. I am a single mother. I am afraid that he can be worst later if I don't stop him when he get fussy, start screaming and hitting or talking things that hurts me a lot, and everything because he dont get what he wants. Sometimes I don't what to do, I tried to talk to him, to calming him down, but it feels like he wantd to punish me.........any suggestions?
He always wants to get something from where ever I go. I've been concern about his recently behavior if dont get something he will start saying things that it hurts me a lot, such as : I will go away from , I will find another mother, I will kill you.....Sometimes he tried to open the door and walk away. He goes to a preschool day care almost the whole week, he likes to watch cartoon like spiderman, cars, I noticed that some of the cartoon has to much violence in it. I am a single mother. I am afraid that he can be worst later if I don't stop him when he get fussy, start screaming and hitting or talking things that hurts me a lot, and everything because he dont get what he wants. Sometimes I don't what to do, I tried to talk to him, to calming him down, but it feels like he wantd to punish me.........any suggestions?
SHE HAS SAID THAT SHE HAS TRIED FEEDING HER AND THAT SHE ALWAYS CRIES AND GETS REALLY UPSET, AND SHE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND WHY SHE EATS FOR ME AND NOT FOR HER AND SHE THINKS I AM LITERALLY FORCE FEEDING HER. THIS REALLY UPSETS ME, I FEEL LIKE SHE IS SAYING I AM HURTING MY DAUGHTER. MY PARENTS HAVE SEEN HOW GOOD MY BABY EATS AS WELL AS HER FATHER, MY BEST FRIEND, AND MUTUAL FRIENDS BETWEEN MY HUSBAND AND I.
I'M NOT REALLY TRAPPED. BUT I LIKE THE FACT THAT HER HOUSE IS ALWAYS CLEAN AND MY DAUGHTER HAS BEEN WITH HER SINCE SHE WAS 6 WEEKS AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS WORSE
HER ONLY FEEDING HER BOTTLES ALL DAY OR TAKING HER FROM ONE OF THE ONLY PEOPLE SHE HAS EVER REALLY BEEN AROUND AND KNOWS?
HER ONLY FEEDING HER BOTTLES ALL DAY OR TAKING HER FROM ONE OF THE ONLY PEOPLE SHE HAS EVER REALLY BEEN AROUND AND KNOWS?
emma,
I agree with the other posters, you deserve to have someone watchng her that will do what you want her to do. I also understand your dilemma, seeing as how this caregiver has been watching your daughter since she was six weeks old and trnasition can be difficult. You need to talk to your caregiver and explain this is what you want done and your daughter has to be on the schedule that you want her to be on. If she is unwilling or unable to follow that, then you'll have no other choice but to find another caregiver. Like rockrose said, this will only get worse...it starts with this feeding issue, if you let her get away with this, then this caregiver will think she has say in absolutely everything you do with your child. Boundaries have to be set and the sooner the better. I also see the benefit in having a relative as a caregiver, but i've also seen that at least in my family, people who are related seem to be the ones that are more likely to voice their opinion and have a say in what you're doing. My sister has a 19 month old son, whom our mother occasionally watches...my mother is very vocal in her opinions and constantly does what SHE wants to do...ieven if my sister is standing right there and tells our mother otherwise...our mother just doesn't listen. And it started out as one little thing and my sister decided to "pick and choose her battles" and let it slide...now it seems it's almost everything. Our mother means well...but it drives my sister nuts. This just shows the importance of setting boundaries early on. Your relative may have her ego squeezed a bit, but she'll get over it. Good luck!
I agree with the other posters, you deserve to have someone watchng her that will do what you want her to do. I also understand your dilemma, seeing as how this caregiver has been watching your daughter since she was six weeks old and trnasition can be difficult. You need to talk to your caregiver and explain this is what you want done and your daughter has to be on the schedule that you want her to be on. If she is unwilling or unable to follow that, then you'll have no other choice but to find another caregiver. Like rockrose said, this will only get worse...it starts with this feeding issue, if you let her get away with this, then this caregiver will think she has say in absolutely everything you do with your child. Boundaries have to be set and the sooner the better. I also see the benefit in having a relative as a caregiver, but i've also seen that at least in my family, people who are related seem to be the ones that are more likely to voice their opinion and have a say in what you're doing. My sister has a 19 month old son, whom our mother occasionally watches...my mother is very vocal in her opinions and constantly does what SHE wants to do...ieven if my sister is standing right there and tells our mother otherwise...our mother just doesn't listen. And it started out as one little thing and my sister decided to "pick and choose her battles" and let it slide...now it seems it's almost everything. Our mother means well...but it drives my sister nuts. This just shows the importance of setting boundaries early on. Your relative may have her ego squeezed a bit, but she'll get over it. Good luck!
I'd find a new caregiver. Even if you seem to convince her that she needs to feed your baby the way you want her to be fed, you won't know for certain if she's skipping feedings.
I agee with RR--you need to make sure the person caring for you baby wants to raise her as you want her to be raised,
I agee with RR--you need to make sure the person caring for you baby wants to raise her as you want her to be raised,
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